Farily new to the board and needing to vent...

[Amy the Addicted Nurse]

Hi! I'm Amy, I'm going on a month (Saturday) smoke free thanks to my Riva and I love it...except when am I gonna start feeling better? Even just a little bit...shouldn't not smoking make me feel a little better? Well I don't and my mood is getting worse and worse everyday!

I've been so sick with Fibro, a back that hates me and other general pain .... for years now...only to find out 2 months ago that most of my problems are actually that I have NO f'ing thyroid function (which can cause a lot of the pain issues I've been having). So instead of treating my thyroid my doc has me on enough meds to knock a horse out and yet I still hurt every minute of everyday...for the at least the last 5 years. I feel like a junkie counting the hours and minutes until I can take more meds! It was obviously easier to dope me to kingdom come rather than treat my thyroid and use mid level narcotics for my back issues...no instead they put me on fentanyl patches, a med almost impossible to wean off of without SERIOUS withdrawals similar to what ...... addicts go through...I'm a mother, wife, nurse, home schooler...not a junkie, so why do I feel like one? Because I hurt like hell and count the hours until my next fix. And what's worse is I NEVER get relief and I'm possibly one of the grumpiest people on earth. Here I sit at the park with my 7year old and I can't enjoy it b/c I'm f'ing miserable! I hurt all over, I'm so tired I just want to sleep! I love my husband and son so much but I'm pretty sure they think I hate them I mean if someone is always ...... about something (or nothing) or sleeping to avoid the realities of life how can they feel and show love?

Why yes I am having a full blown pity party why do you ask? Feel free to ignore me

 

[Beans]

Hi Amy, we all need that pity party sometimes. I'm great at it lol. I was diagnosed with Fibro 18 years ago and get where your coming from. I haven't had too much pain recently but I have terrible fatigue. I feel like I'm always neglecting my wonderful husband and he's just going to walk out the door one day. Oh and did I mention fatigue and dropping hormones make me incredibly grumpy? I really am NOT the spawn of satan but I sure have been resembling her lately.

Your doing great on your quit though, that's really is an achievement! I felt like I had the creeping cruds for quite a while too after quitting. Maybe it has something more to do with fibro being aggravated than the quit itself. I'm sorry your in so much pain, it makes everything else so much harder. Hang in there and remember your not alone.

 

[cleolove]

You are truly not alone Amy ... I have struggled with FMS since the early 80s, before they really even knew what it was. On top of that, I broke my back when I was 19 and have developed a spinal condition that has left me unable to walk more than a few steps on a good day. The pain is horrific. My spine is literally folding in on itself and there is nothing they can do. And it seems when I do have a good back day, my fibro kicks up and all my muscles ache or I'm sleeping 18 hours a day because I am so exhausted. I am also on massive dosages of morphine and hydrocodone, which just take the edge off, (and don't even get me happy high anymore), can't up the doses any further because I have COPD and these meds depress lung function. I'm also on oxygen, so I'm tethered to a tube 24/7 too.

But hey, I quit smoking! lol sometimes I just have to laugh at myself.

I didn't feel that much better when I first starting vaping and then I realized it was because the PG was dehydrating me, causing me to be even more exhausted and have more pain. Once I started drinking a ton of water, I started to feel so much better. After about a month, I was starting to feel really good, even have been able to go without oxygen for short periods of time.

So, indulge in the pity for a limited amount of time (I give myself one day a month) and then grab some water and drink up! It helps to focus on helping others, because there is one thing I have learned, there's always someone worse off than me. Focusing on others, helping others also takes the attention off ourselves and our pain. I'm actually pretty lucky .. I can afford my meds, live in a nice house, have everything I need. (Maybe not everything I want, but hey, I'm not greedy)

If I can stay in a place where I am grateful, it does help the pain a lot. But I do still have my days ...I've been known to beg someone to shoot me.

Hang in there, drink more water, and make sure you are eating good stuff .. it will get better!

 

[Amy the Addicted Nurse]

Hi Amy, we all need that pity party sometimes. I'm great at it lol. I was diagnosed with Fibro 18 years ago and get where your coming from. I haven't had too much pain recently but I have terrible fatigue. I feel like I'm always neglecting my wonderful husband and he's just going to walk out the door one day. Oh and did I mention fatigue and dropping hormones make me incredibly grumpy? I really am NOT the spawn of satan but I sure have been resembling her lately.

Your doing great on your quit though, that's really is an achievement! I felt like I had the creeping cruds for quite a while too after quitting. Maybe it has something more to do with fibro being aggravated than the quit itself. I'm sorry your in so much pain, it makes everything else so much harder. Hang in there and remember your not alone.

The spawn of satan...yep that's me! I'm lucky in that I have absolute faith that my husband wouldn't leave...but it's not fair to him and I wouldn't blame him a bit if he did go. What's worse is it's certainly not fair to my son. I hate myself daily for being so grumpy toward him and the things he misses out on because I'm always in so much pain.

I am proud of my quit and I love m PV...I think most of my problems right now boil down to being under treated for my thyroid (which causes pain, fatigue and the spawn of satan attitude). Being on such powerful pain meds for so long has my tolerance so high that I go through some amount of withdrawals on a daily basis, thus increasing the satan problem. I want off the patches but it really is almost impossible to get off them...and I sure don't want my son to see the REAL w/d's that will come with trying to go off them. I will beg to be put in the hospital when that time comes. I'll never be able to do it on my own! I'm just not strong enough anymore, my will is broken!

I'm so mad that my docs didn't treat my thyroid years ago when I told them something was wrong because of course I have no idea how my own body works ya know! I just found out that for at least 10 years they've been telling me my levels were fine when in fact I've had very little to no thyroid function the whole freaking time. If they had treated me then I KNOW my pain issues would not be what they are today and I would have NEVER even needed the option of the pain patches! Right now I'm on medicaid so until June 26th when my husbands new job provides us with insurance I can't even see an Endo to really start a good thyroid treatment plan...and then that's only if I can find one willing to treat me the way I need and want (with natural compounded meds instead of the synthetics that just aren't working and never will b/c of the nature of my thyroid problems).

Thanks for listening and understanding...although I never really feel good about not being alone in this...I wouldn't wish this on even my worst enemy!

We are home from the park and I'm thinking a nap is in order, maybe I'll feel better when I get up thanks again!