Feels thread.

[Luke95]

This is a thread for every on to post in and get some input on what your feeling. I can't be the only damaged individual on here who uses vaping as a clutch. So feel free to post up your thoughts and feelings.
Me I'm struggling with dealing with my shame and regrets for past mistakes and have been trying to get better for the past few months.

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[MMW]

I love this brother, great thread. I have had tons of these exact feelings. My past is a warped and twisted amusement ride that no one was amused by. I was an ACTIVE drug addict and alcoholic for years. My life never positively progressed and I definitely put others in danger daily. I have overcome feeling like a ....bag by making amends(change), being of use to others, and working on myself to realize how sick I was. Those feelings of fear and self hatred kept me sick even after I got sober. I have a great group of true friends, who I can be 100% honest with about anything without fear of them being critical of me.

I hope this is ok to talk about here? If not, please feel free to say so and I can edit or delete it.

 

[Luke95]

I see no issues with it.
After having made my amends I have felt worse. Far worse. Apologizing and trying to make it all right has been far worse Kk me than it was to do the acts. I bottle every thing because I find so much JK the little stuff that it eats me alive. I am not a junky but I feel you on the stuff you have said.

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[MMW]

That's just it. The drugs and alcohol for me were a sham. I had issues before the numbing and added wreckage began. It was all fear that I never dealt with. Everyday now I have an opportunity to work on things if I choose to. I appreciate your honesty here Luke. The stuff I suppress will be my downfall, which is why I have a core of fellas that I can talk to and share with. Good stuff sir.

 

[Luke95]

Don't get me wrong. I have my addiction. It is brutal. It steals every penny I don't spend on just living life, trying to feel normal, show the ex fiancee that I have changed for the better and on normal expenses. I am an adrenaline addict.

this is right before I rolled it. Just a light flop. But yes she is my release. Going away from civilization for a few hours and wheeling helps me to relax and to get away.


So I suppose I owe a backstory.
I'm a normal younger guy I suppose. Parents divorced it was bloody. I never new what a healthy love was. Walked in on my ex with two guys and had another call rape. After that I hid my feelings from the world. Ya know bottled them up because I would deal with them when I was feeling better. So for the past year I haven't felt right. I have been off, it was my bottle cracking. I had been dating this girl the ex fiancee for like a year and things were going good but all my pent up anger and fear took hold of me. So I kind of lost it and ran her off. Ran off a few friends because I couldn't hold my self together. Then I went off last month anger depression and anxiety all came out in one shot. The bottle broke. So now I am trying to explain to friends family and her that yes I do truly feel and am not the robot you all thought I was. I care alot to much to be honest. But it hurts seeing all I have done.

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[smacuser]

 

[Luke95]

Don't feel bad learn from this

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[MMW]

Thanks for sharing @Luke95.

 

[WharfRat1976]

Dbl post

 

[Unforeseen]

Moved from General Vaping Discussion to The Lounge

 

[Luke95]

Bump for people who need to vent

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[Luke95]

The twelve steps seem to help with getting better

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