God does have a sense of humor

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Mud Pie

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As my friends say:

"Either your life was really jacked up or you tell it in the best possible way !!"

A little of both, I believe....

The best part is when my lifelong friends (I'm still really close friends with my grade school friends, and I'm 52) hear me tell my "new" friends these stories and they say, "No, it really did happen that way !!", and then watching the look on the faces of my "new" friends...priceless !!
 

BostLabs

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Oh so true MudPie. :)


Ok, going back when I'm just out of high school and working at Wal-Mart. 1978 or 79.

Back then I had a 74 Dodge Charger. It was used but the body was in great shape. The motor not so much but that is a different story.
It looked very much like this one. It didn't have the hood locks but it did have a sun roof.
320px-%2774_Dodge_Charger_%28Orange_Julep%29.JPG


So one evening one of my co-workers needed a right home. It was totally in the different direction from where I was going but what the heck? Gas wasn't so horribly expensive back then. Maybe .80 per gallon. So off we go to Sapulpa Oklahoma. But the route we took was just above the classification of a gravel road. It was paved, but just. :) Still it was pretty straight.

So on the way to Sapulpa, as I didn't know the area, I drove the posted speed limit. Along the way we went over a hump in the road that was acting as if it was a bridge. Blip and we were over it. A while later we arrived in Sapulpa and I dropped him of and turned around to retrace my route.

Now I knew where I was going so I've picked up the speed. Ok I was flying. LOL! Had the radio blasting and the sun roof open and just having a ball. Look out world, me and the mighty Charger are coming through!!!!

I totally forgot about the little hump.

I see it just before I get to it. At 85 miles per hour.... Eek!

Lift off! I hit that hump and the car goes airborne, followed quickly by me as the car hits it apogee and I hadn't yet. I didn't wear seat belts back then. So up I go! My left shoulder hits the side of the sun roof as I'm going through it. My left hand has a death grip on the steering wheel. I'm seeing the car flying toward the ground from outside of it. I stop going up and I'm now falling with the car.

The car hits the road, the steering is slightly off of front. My .... hits the drivers seat. Then the fight is on at high speed. Swerve, swerve, swerve! down to 75 and I recover. I'm slowing down more and I glance in the rear view mirror and catch a glimpse of my face.

My glasses are down my nose and hanging on by a thread, my hair is just every where and my eyes are the size of dinner plates. I hear a pounding and realize it is my heart. I look over to the left seat and see death shaking his fist because he missed (ok that last part I made up hehehe).

I couldn't find my smokes or my lighter. I think they were lying in a field somewhere. :)

So I slow down a bit more and calmly reach over to my left and pull my seat belt loose and fasten it. I haven't driven a car since without my seat belt.

My buddy asked me how my ride home was after I left him the next day at work. He didn't believe me. :p:facepalm:
 

AngelsBreath

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I love animals, I always have. I'm a dog person, like cats but LOVE dogs. One day my daughter came home with what is now my big ole baby. A sweet little husky/malamute mix. Her name is nana, she loves kids, loves them to pieces. She is a big old teddy bear. Well, of course when we got her I walked her all the time, she was such a cutie pie. We loved going for our walks.

When she was about 5 months old I got to where I wasn't able to walk so much anymore...smoking, yeah, it was bad. Well, several months went by before I finally went to the doctor and they put me on advair and also Ventolin inhaler. About a month after I was feeling more like my old self and decided it was time to go and walk again. I got my Nana girl, put her leash on...now keep in mind it had been about 8 months since we had gone on a walk...and away we were going.

Nana, she's a very big dog, she got so excited about getting to go for another walk with momma that she took off...I had one of those leashes that releases and goes longer, you know the type? Well, she was full on running and I hadn't even taken a step when I looked down at the leash and realized in a split second that we were at the end. There was nothing I could do at that point but hold on. When we reached the end of that leash I was literally lifted off my feet, into the air and landed in a very large mud puddle face first. Nana, being the sweetheart that she is, politely stopped, came over and started licking the mud off my face.

That night, in a great deal of pain and realizing that every place on my body was hurting, I did some research on the web....I learned this: Never, ever, under any circumstance walk a young husky/malamute mix with a collar. Always, always use a harness else they will pull you all the way to Alaska. Yeah...tough lesson I learned that day and grateful that nobody was around to see me face first in the mud. lmao Huskies are built for pulling, they can't help it, that is what they love and no matter how much they love you, they will pull you right down into the mud. But at least their loving nature will come back to laugh at you and lick your face. ;)
 

AngieBaby

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Awwwww AngelsBreath! Bless your heart! LOL why is it always so funny when someone gets hurt? LOLOL Always wondered about that. That is too precious that your Nana (I say your because I also have a Nana but yours probably poops bigger than mine) came back and gave you lovins, sympathy lovins but still lovins. Dogs are so loyal.

Ok time for a funny story of my own speaking of dogs. I have to first say that some of the details are tmi=too much info, but I have to give you the full picture.
Now, I have 4 dogs, yes 4. But 3 of them don't equal the one, and Baby is her name, Rott Lab mix (rottenlab lol), she is the reason for my story. By the way other 3 are chihuahua mixes, weighing 5.5lbs momma, 2nd one born 4.5 Bailee and my Nana and also the last one out weighs 9.9 lbs.(1st pup died, it got stuck in the birth canal too long, it was breech and a lil big. Was horrible, almost lost Zoey, the momma. But we still have Bailee and Nana to be very thankful for. It eas one of those times I could not seem to pray hard enough).
One evening my husband and I decided to "wrestle", so to speak, after putting on our birthday suits and starting to "wrestle", Baby came into the room to find out what was going on, no big deal right? I figured she would turn around and go back into the living room like she normally does. That night was the exception, I happen to look at my husband and out of the corner of my eye I see Baby behind my husband with her nose twitching, smelling the air and getting closer to my husband's backside. I yelled just as she was about to lick my husband. I guess she wanted to play ball Lol I'm not real sure. I am so thankful I yelled in time. Otherwise there may have been an imprint of Baby on our wall. We now close our door when we decide to "wrestle". I can only imagine God's face while watching everything happen Lol. Ok just weirded myself out by that last statement. Kinda something I try not to think about during certain times.
Yes def TMI but too funny not to tell. My husband and I laugh about it to this day.


OMG now I know how it looked lmao, I always wondered about that!!!
 

StormFinch

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I don't know how you did that Bost, but it's hilarious!!!:laugh:

And Angiebaby, hang out all you want ;) Sometimes you have to track BostLabs down & Beeeeeeeggg for another story but ... he's a good sort :)

It's all in the quote brackets Dale. :) If you have a paragraph from someone and want to break it up so you can comment on different parts you copy the end quote that looks like this [ /QUOTE ] (without the spaces) and place it at the end of a section, then start the next section with the beginning quote. Your's for the post I quoted looks like this;
. It's best to do it in advanced reply so you can use the preview button. If you accidently miss an opening or closing bracket you'll see the code in the preview or something else will be out of place.
 

StormFinch

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Alright, I have to tell you guys about Jake. Jake is an absolute sweetheart and the love of my life;

stormfinch-albums-melange-picture36062t-jake.JPG
:D

He's an Australian Cattle Dog or what's commonly known in the U.S. as a Red Heeler, and originally NOT my first choice as a pet. I had always been told that ACDs were high energy dogs that need a job. In the past I had limited contact with them, but the two I did were terribly hyperactive, to the point that within the humane society situation I dealt with them in they would develop the spins if kept in a kennel too long. The spins are when a dog spins in place where a normal dog would stand still for anyone who doesn't know. Our previous neighbors also had three Blue Heelers/ACDs and they were all aggressive to varying degrees. So, to say that I was initially leery about Jake is an understatement.

Now for the setup. The hubby and I were out looking at properties in the middle of Nowhere, Arkansas. We had seen several that day and were on our way home when we came upon line of cars at a stop sign guarding the T section between a busy highway and even busier highway. As a vehicle approached said stop sign, this dog would go up to the car, circle it, sniff all four tires, look under it, look in the windows and then back off a little when it took off. Each car or truck was given the same thorough once over by this ad hoc vehicle inspector, and of course my husband's truck is treated similarly. When we leave the stop sign though, unlike any of the other cars the ACD follows us. By the time we get to speed on the busier highway he's doing a flat out run. Now, my hubby and I are both dog people. Like Angel, we appreciate cats but love dogs, and just leaving this guy running down the busier highway is NOT an option, so we pull over. Here comes the dog, running at top speed to catch up, tongue hanging out the side of his mouth, big grin on his face. :laugh: He greets us, little stump of a tail wagging so fast it's taking his .... with it, happy as can be until he notices the cattle wandering up to the fence that we had pulled up next to.

Keep in mind, ACDs were initially bred in Australia to herd cattle long distances. It's been in their blood since the 19th century. Jake obviously hasn't been informed of this though. As the cattle start advancing on the fence, Jake's hackles rise and he starts growling at the cows while backing away. Meanwhile, I'm trying really hard not to start laughing uncontrollably. You see, our oldest dog, the one we would soon lose to cancer, was a stray Golden Retriever we had adopted and who froze up whenever a retrievable item was placed in her mouth. So much so that I had taken to calling her our Golden Non-Retriever years before. Now we had found an Australian Cattle Dog that hated cattle! :lol: Sooo, to save the poor thing from the big bad cows, I opened the truck door and told him to get in, which he was more than happy to comply with.

To make a long story somewhat shorter, we spent a month trying to find Jake's original owners to no avail. We had three dogs at the time we found him, and I swore that if we didn't find someone he was going to a rescue. He, however, stole my heart rather quickly. He wasn't aggressive in any way as long as you weren't a cow, ;) was well behaved, and believed that he was the size of a chihuahua. In fact, he still does. He's peed in my house exactly once, but I can't even blame him for that. You see, I had ordered my hubby a set of tires for his truck online, and they were sitting in the living room waiting for him to make an installation appointment. Jake took one look at them and hiked his leg. I made that noise, the nasal yet throaty "Naaaah" that stops every pet I've ever owned right in their tracks, and Jake headed shamefaced to the back door to be let out. :laugh: He's also a clean dog. When my husband's cousin came for a visit, Jake stole his toothbrush from his bag and walked through the house with the head in his mouth, just like a teenage guy would, until I figured out what he had and took it from him. :lol: Needless to say, Jake is still with us. He's my velcro dog as ACDs are want to be, loves rubber balls/chew toys, (he destroys anything else) curling up in your lap, and is a certified couch potato. So much for being your typical ACD. Oh, and by the way, the dog still has an odd fascination with vehicles. Taking him on walks on a busy street is rather interesting since he's always wanting to stop and check out every car or truck that he comes to. I'd get him a job at a vehicle inspection station if Arkansas hadn't gotten rid of the inspection requirement for tags. ;)
 
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AngelsBreath

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Otherwise there may have been an imprint of Baby on our wall.

OMG Bwahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, that's so funny!!!!!


Awwwwwwww, that's a great story Storm, thanks so much for sharing that. I always get all warm and fuzzy when it comes to a good dog story!!!
 

daleron

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    :grr:............
    I all ready did this once & it disappeared?:confused: AnyWay!

    I read all these this morning & got LOL's but didn't have time to comment on anything because I lost my connection, darn storms. Trying to reply now wouldn't be quite the same you know but I sure have learned that I really need a bottle of oxygen when I come over here:laugh:
    Seem to lose my breath everytime...hummm...wonder if I could borrow Mom's??
     

    Wallelf

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    LOL!

    Well if you haven't figured it out by now I'll let you know that we have a small house hold of rescued animals. We currently have 4 dogs and 1 cat. That number has grown and, sadly, shrunk from time to time. There have been many of a time where my wife has been out and about and I get a phone call at home. I have a hard time understanding her because of all the barking in the background. She is at the Humane Society or the pound and has some one I must meet. I've never been able to say no to her when she says there is an animal that, and I quote, "needs our help".

    So one time I get this call (I've learned by now and go with her a lot just so I don't get the call) and there is barking in the background and there is a dog that needs our help. So I hop in my truck (long gone now, replaced with my bike) and head for the Humane Society.

    Some one had turned in a dog, an older dog, that I had to meet. The dog, we called him Riley, is a Golden Retriever/Labrador mix (big dog) and was probably the most depressed dog I've ever met. He would just lay on the floor next to a volunteer and not move. He was a very sad dog. As the Society was closing for the day we could not take him that night. So we visited for a bit and before we left I told him that we'd be back tomorrow morning to take him home. Now most people say dogs are dumb and can't understand what you are saying, but I'll let you judge that for yourself.

    The next morning we are back, bright and early to take him home. We enter the area where he stayed the night and, believe it or not, he saw us and GOT UP and was ready to go home. He went from sad to happy like flipping a switch. we got him home and we discovered that he must have had a really bad experience on a tile floor. He would not walk on it. It took a while but we got him over that and he integrated into our family.

    Months go by and he is able to move about the house at will. a few years go by and he is getting older and is starting to need to go outside during the night. The first time it was around 3 am. I remember this very clearly and you will soon learn why.

    I'm a fairly light sleeper. I picked that habit up in the Marine Corps. Margaret can almost sleep though anything and does. So I'm asleep, Riley wanders into the bedroom. Walks up to my side of the bed, right by my face and barks. Not a yip, yip or a bark, bark. I mean a WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!!!!! Riley had one of the loudest barks I've ever heard. So I bounce off of the ceiling, hit the bed again and he does it again! WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!!!! I am clamping my hands to my head and saying "Alright, alright, I'm up!". Margaret did. not. budge. Slept through the whole thing.

    Before Riley went to the Rainbow Bridge I got to where I could hear him enter the room and wake up and get up before he would bark.

    My wife has stated on several occasions that when she dies she doesn't want to go to heaven, she will ask Saint Peter to let her go to the Rainbow Bridge. Let me tell you guys, that will be one heck of a reunion. :D

    In this thread we've said that God had a sense of humor. I am here to state that he most certainly does have a sense of humor and me and my dogs provide him endless hours of amusement. And I'm very sure that we are not done yet.

    Bost, we are a dog house, too. I'm convinced we have a large, invisible sign out front that says "All are Welcome" that only dogs can see. We were at 11 dogs at one point...now, sadly, down to 4.

    Here is a story I wrote for our local community monthly paper:

    The Dog Who Brought Flowers

    August of 2000 seemed to be a particularly bad month for thunderstorms. Nearly every afternoon, a monster would roll in bringing flashing bolts of lightning and house-shuddering thunder. One afternoon, after a particularly vicious storm, I went out to check for damage and to round up anything that had blown around the yard. The dogs alerted me to something cowering behind one of the bushes next to the house.
    I approached cautiously as I wasn’t sure what I would find. It could have been anything from a snake to an injured deer. What I found was a hound: soaking wet, trembling and terrified. After sitting with it for awhile, I was able to coax it from behind the bushes and out to where I could get a better look. The dog was female and from what I could tell from her teeth, seemed to be middle aged. She was wearing a collar, but no ID tags. She also had a rear leg that had obviously been broken at one time, and never set properly. Once she calmed down, I dried her off and brought her into the house for a closer look. In going over her more thoroughly, I also found that she had been recently spayed…the stitches were still there.

    We went in to see the vet. While in good overall condition, they had never seen her before. He estimated that she had been spayed sometime in the last 2 weeks, so he checked with the other branches of the practice, and could find no record of her being seen by any of the other vets. He estimated her age at somewhere in the 9 to 10 year range, and she had obviously had several litters of pups prior to her spay. My thought was, why would someone pay to have her spayed and then dump her? The only theory we could come up with was that in her overwhelming fear of thunderstorms, she had panicked and run away from her home.

    I placed ads on the radio, checked the “lost dog” ads and the local shelter, and the internet. I called every veterinary hospital in a 75 mile radius…no one knew her; and with her unique gait, there would be no mistaking her.

    So, she ended up at Buffy’s Home for Wayward Dogs. We decided to call her “Hannah” and after a few days, she settled into the pack dynamic with the other five.

    By the following spring, we started noticing some of her unique idiosyncrasies: Every morning, she would go for her “constitutional”, a walk encompassing several miles along the outer boundaries of our (and the adjoining) property. The family that lives up at the far end had children who would leave toys in the yard. Hannah started to bring home little stuffed animals. She carried them as gently as pups and would leave them out next to my car for me to find. Every couple of days, I’d take what she had collected back to their family.

    One afternoon, I came home to find a wrapped, potted Calla Lily sitting next to my car. My first thought was that my husband had bought it for the garden. When I looked a little more closely, I could see the marks where Hannah’s teeth had gently grasped the plant imprinted in the brown wrapping paper. I stood there flummoxed for a few minutes…where in the world had she found this?

    I then remembered seeing another neighbor working in her yard earlier in the day. I walked down, with the plant, to ask if it was hers. It was. She said she had seen Hannah on her morning walk, but had not missed the plant. She was so tickled with what Hannah had done that she told me to keep the plant. I named it “Hannah’s Lily” and planted it just off our back porch. It came up and bloomed every year.

    Hannah had a long, happy life with us. She never got over her fear of thunderstorms and could sense them coming hours in advance. She continued to bring her little gifts and treasures and leave them next to my car. She accepted with grace and patience the new additions that joined our pack. In August of 2008, she passed away at the age of 17.

    The following spring, Hannah’s Lily never came up.
     

    Wallelf

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    " On the first day of class, I find out you have to stick your hands in private, yucky, squishy cow places. Forget that. I went and got my deposit back.

    I raised sheep for about 10 years. The first time I called the vet with a lambing problem, he told me what to do. I said, "You want me to put my hand/arm WHERE, and do WHAT!!!!"

    I actually got pretty good at it, though. I could sort out twins without too much trouble, but triplets generally necessitated a farm call from the vet. I kinds miss seeing the little farts bopping around out there. But as I mentioned in another post, when they get to be about 3 months old, they are real PITAs....and very tasty at 9 months to a year. :)
     

    Wallelf

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    [The following spring, Hannah’s Lily never came up. ]

    Elf, that was the most precious story ever! However that last line made the hair on my arms stand striaght up!!! How amazing.

    She was a precious individual. She is the one standing behind "Smiling Chev" in this picture.

    th_Chevy.jpg
     

    HauntedMyst

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    To go along with Bost's car story, I'll add mine.


    I was in a sales job about 14 years ago. One October day I had to fly home from Idaho to Chicago and then travel from Chicago to Davenport, IA later that day for another appointment. The flight was at 6 am which meant I had to get up at 3am Chicago time. The flight was delayed and I didn't land till noon. After working through the rest of the day, I left at 7pm for the 3+ hour drive to Davenport. I used to own a red 94 Mazda Miata. Awesome little car, not the fastest or the prettiest, but made you feel like you were driving a super cart. One thing you may not know, as I didn't, was that the material on convertibles shrinks as it gets older instead of stretches more on that later.

    As the old saying goes....It was a dark and stormy night. I was exhausted from the day, cruising along I80 with the winds howling around me as I traveled through the highway in the corn fields. If you haven't been to Illinois or Iowa, other than Chicago, that's about 95% of what it is - corn fields. During the day there is nothing to see, let alone at night. With Halloween coming up, I was in the mood for a good scare so I popped in a tape of Stephen King's short scary stories read by Stephen King himself. He actually does a wonderful job of it with that Maine accent of his. I listened to a bunch of stories, all of them pretty good, including one about a honeymooning couple getting eaten by razor tooth frogs.

    Stephen King then broke from reading stories to talk about how to write a good horror short story. I was so inthralled in listening to him I didn't realize I was going 85mph. He recounted learning how important it was to "Grab your reader by the short hairs and SCARE THE CRAP OUT THEM" Those words are no sooner out of his mouth when the convertible top of my car flies open and for the first and only time in my adult life, I screamed out loud like a little girl and for one brief moment thought "Dragon's are real and one just ripped the top of my car off!!!!" The stack of papers on my passenger flew out of my car like I was in a tornado, swirling around the cockpit before flying out into the highway. With my heart racing I managed to pull over on the side of the road - it was late, nearly no one around. "Thank God" I thought in case I soiled myself. I took a look around and realized what happened was the top had shrunk to the point of pulling itself free of the closing clamps. The rear plastic window was completely blown out by the incident but I was able to get the top back down and drive to my hotel with no issues but its single handedly the scariest moment I've ever had.
     

    daleron

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    To go along with Bost's car story, I'll add mine.



    Those words are no sooner out of his mouth when the convertible top of my car flies open and for the first and only time in my adult life, I screamed out loud like a little girl and for one brief moment thought "Dragon's are real and one just ripped the top of my car off!!!!" The stack of papers on my passenger flew out of my car like I was in a tornado, swirling around the cockpit before flying out into the highway. With my heart racing I managed to pull over on the side of the road - it was late, nearly no one around. "Thank God" I thought in case I soiled myself. .


    Hahahaha:laugh:

    :facepalm: I must undoubtably have a tiny little mean streak in me :laugh: these men screaming like little girls get me everytime! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
     
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