That's exactly how it is here in MA too and I can understand fully about an owners concern because some fines can be quite hefty.
I also ask permission before I vape in any establishment and as mentioned I DO NOT use the word "cigarette", I simply call it my personal vaporizer. However, to the original poster, I would have gone back to that same restaurant the very next day and asked to speak with no one else except the owner and had a quiet and private meeting with him/her. I would have explained exactly what happened last night, the fact that you were treated rudely and that the way that you were treated was wrong. I would then ask that he/she watch and listen as you explain and demonstrate your PV. I would finally demand an apology for the treatment and embarassment that you and your family recieved from the owner and the person who tossed you out. Whether you return to that restaurant ever again is up to you. At a minimum, you have now educated them and that's all we can do.
A couple of years ago I was going through a drivethru at a local CVS and was told, not asked - told to put out my cigarette. I was in my own vehicle and asked her if she was serious and she demanded that I put it out which I did to avoid conflict. The very next day I went and spoke with the manager (not an associate) and explained what happened and that they had no right to tell me to put out my cigarette while smoking inside my own vehicle, but would have gladly complied if they had a sign asking customers to do so. I got a sincere apology and was assured that it would never happen again.
