I have and I have to agree with Renolizzie.
Twenty years of marriage and I had the same exact experience when I quit smoking for
vaping, it was "Never' about the smoking, the kids, or
vaping at all I know now, and its definetly not a 'women' thing either. Its about control, you are a person, a grown adult, not a young piece of clay and you already had parents. The vaping hurts no one. Hate to say it but sounds like she prefers you outside, ie: don't let the kids see you, and that is not actually odd, I'm not saying you shouldn't cut her some slack, that kind of change seems little but can have a bigger effect on people around you than you realize, being inside brings changes for her to, means you have more input because your there at the moment instead of outside as well, shes used to having you outside at certain times, so not having to deal with anything but how or what she feels like doing about whatever at the moment. She probably wanted you back inside too, don't let her push you back out now, you both have to adjust to that now, pushing you back out shouldn't be an option for dealing with that change now, the change has to be confronted, or after vaping it will just be the next thing.
Your a person, the kids knowing you quit smoking in favor of a hobby that is actually more work because the smoking was bad for you and you didn't want to expose them to it because you love them, but you wanted to be inside with them more, is not bad for the kids to see, if they know you smoke even if you were smoking outside, and ten to one if their older then two they know it even if you don't say it, kids are like that, seeing you vape is not going to hurt them, its to late to deter them from ever trying it if they want to by virtue of having no one in their life that smokes, that ship has already sailed, if they already know you smoke or did, or anyone else they know does, because.... they already know, seeing you vape or smoke, not vape or not smoke, is not going to change that. My kids were actually more supporative of this in the end, then my husband ever was once I'd finally done it, no matter what I did he found a reason why this thing I'm doing instead of smoking, wasss baaad, the kids on the other hand found a reason why vaping made me a hero, after thirty years of smoking, and he would constantly remind them that my vaping was still bad, ie I hadn't really quit I am still doing something bad.
I quit smoking for vaping, after twenty years of marriage, when nothing else ever worked or could ever make me quit, and him pushing me to quit the entire time, all I got once it was done, was that held back smile and a well thats good and a right onto coming up with reasons why my vaping is bad, the kids, the cost, the ooo that has to be bad for you to and everyone else around you no matter how many studies he was shown saying otherwise. He didn't care because he wasn't interested in hearing it, his mind was immediately made up about this before ever actually learning more about it, because in reality it was never about it being better or harmless, because he wasn't really interested in that or that it could keep me from smoking, at all. He was only interested in where he would find a new guilt stick to maintain the status quo.
The truth is he wasn't interested in hearing it because he wasn't concerned about wether this was actually a harmless hobby or not he was only concerned with finding a way to make it a bad thing like smoking to. He couldn't live without that guilt control, without the I'm superior I don't smoke now security-ego thing, with my being able to do things and be involved in things I couldn't be before. The only way to keep the status quo was to find a reason to make it not about me , and me simply having a hobby I enjoy now instead of smoking that he should respect especially since it keeps me from smoking, but about it being bad for the kids, for him, for whatever, so I needed to still stay away just like when I was smoking or else give up the vaping. He was happier when he had a clear evil to push me and guilt me about, the smoking, and that kept me from doing whatever, then he ever was after I quit smoking and with all the things I now 'could' do, like being inside.
I refused to pretend I wasn't a person who had a right to do something I enjoy if I want to, that wasn't about whether he approved of it or not, what his mind was made up about, and wasn't a danger to anyone else and hence I didn't need his approval to continue doing if I so wished. There is nothing wrong with compromise, quiting smoking was compromise, smoking outside was a compromise, insisting that I needed to quit vaping to or couldn't vape inside or where the kids could see it, was not about compromise, it was about control.
I hope your story ends better then mine did, but I think you need to find out why instead of being happy that you've finally quit, she feels the need to now harp on the vaping instead, as Renzo said, relate, ask, dig if you have to, and then you can both find a way to rebalance whatever the issue is, I made up my mind but won't actually research it is not a reason, its an excuse. I refused to be guilted by my vaping, and I'm not sorry I refused to, better to know then go another ten years only to find out when I stop vaping that the vaping was never the issue either. But two years later, we were headed for a divorce after 22 years of marriage because without that guilt, he couldn't make me feel no matter how much he tried to or push me back outside with or make me feel bad about because he made up his mind it was bad, or less then proud of the accomplishment, he was just never happy. He began looking for other things to pick at, one thing after another, looking for a new guilt stick. He was in all honesty happier when I was smoking for all his pushing about my needing to quit the more he came to realize he was never going to have that guilt stick again because I refused to take it, the more unhappy he became without the security of that guilt stick to hold over me.
Needless to say, I refuse to feel guilty for being me, or be molded, compromise is one thing, but when what your doing is not harming anyone else, and the other person makes up their mind and is not interested in learning more about that, which could help the situation and maybe ease any fears, sorry but thats not concern, or an attempt to help, or compromise, that my mind is made up so I can't be bothered. I'm right and thats all there is, is just another way of keeping control.
I didn't tell you this because I think thats definetly where your headed, I shared this because you have a chance to aviod heading there by taking Renzo's advice and not settling for my mind is made up but working to find out what her real fear is, so you can fix it together. I didn't have that option, I did try, but you can't force someone to try with you, it sounds like you have a better chance to rebalance the situation. She may be more willing to try once you get to the bottom of the issue. Just keep in mind, that you altering your life style even if its just by being inside for those ten minutes after dinner you were usually outside smoking, alters hers as well, and she may not even realize the change bothers her or that it is bothering her nevermind why it should, sometimes life is like that, but it is still a change she didn't create you did but now she has to live with unless she can find a way to maintian the status quo and the mind is a funny thing. Keeping you ashamed of vaping, like smoking, instead of reaping the rewards of quitting, and having to continue to hide from the kids, maintians the old status quo, you quit, but get no benifit from it, there is no change at all she need deal with, and she is still superior, because she just quit and doesn't vape.
Don't let her make you feel guilty or less then proud that you quit or force you to continue to hide. You've made a major accomplishment and you should be proud of it, there is no reason the kids shouldn't know it, and keep at it, for yourself, for the kids, if vaping helps you maintian that, then don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it simply because they've made up their mind without bothering to do the research, not even your spouse. Just knowing you can maintian that with or without anyones approval, is empowering in itself, if you can do that, you can get passed this bump over it to! Compromise if need be, but just maintiaing the status quo because she decided vaping is bad is not compromise, vaping is not smoking and not something you should need to feel guilty about.
Ilyanna
. bottom line keep vaping, no backsliding. stay strong.
