Has anyone experienced this????

[Myrany]

Sometimes there is also a bit of a sabotage reaction from significant others as they learn to deal with the new you. It has certainly been well documented for people who loose a great deal of weight. Our other halves are used to us being one way and when we make a significant change they unconsciously do not know how to deal with it so they FIND some sort of a blocker to use to stop the changes.

I know when I lost nearly 75 pounds 25 years ago my first hubby was REALLY good at finding ways to either nudge me towards gaining weight or convince me I was still fat. He didn't like the increase in my own self esteem and felt threatened. Notice he's an ex

My second hubby is getting to deal with my vaping. SO far so good really. The one comment I get now is that he can't find anything and wishes I would stop cleaning and organizing things. Well for the first time in years I really have had the energy TO really put the house in order. hehehehehehe This one is a keeper!

 

[mjrhartley]

Sometimes there is also a bit of a sabotage reaction from significant others as they learn to deal with the new you. It has certainly been well documented for people who loose a great deal of weight. Our other halves are used to us being one way and when we make a significant change they unconsciously do not know how to deal with it so they FIND some sort of a blocker to use to stop the changes.

I know when I lost nearly 75 pounds 25 years ago my first hubby was REALLY good at finding ways to either nudge me towards gaining weight or convince me I was still fat. He didn't like the increase in my own self esteem and felt threatened. Notice he's an ex

My second hubby is getting to deal with my vaping. SO far so good really. The one comment I get now is that he can't find anything and wishes I would stop cleaning and organizing things. Well for the first time in years I really have had the energy TO really put the house in order. hehehehehehe This one is a keeper!

I definitely think there is some of this going on with my wife. She has wanted to lose weight forever, and has only had minor success. A disclaimer here would be appropriate: I think she's beautiful, I would love it if she lost weight, but it is certainly not something I am bothered by, or any sort of thing I put pressure on her about. I am supportive of her wanting to lose weight, I help in any way I can, but I'm not critical of her and I love her as she is.

Now that that's out of the way... I have made some really positive changes in my life recently. I work very early in the day, but I have begun to get up at 0300 to walk a 3 mile route before work. I'm not overweight, but my wife thought I should be healthier, and she's not wrong. So I started walking each day before work (I'm a chronic pain patient with severe back and neck issues from a car accident years ago, so I can't run!). I have been building some muscle and lost a few pounds. Now I've quit smoking too! I do think there is a bit of jealousy on her part that I'm making these changes, and it's working.

That does explain some of it I think. It's hard for her to see me succeeding at making positive change, and I understand that... to a point.

 

[BUG NUTT'S]

Ouch getting a sore throat when you just start vaping is not a good thing sounds like too much PG hit, I go with a reduced Propylene Glycol mix.

 

[Skypea]

Alright, now you've made me feel bad for not quoting... Just kidding!

Vaping is going great! I have found a flavor and brand that I think could be an all-day, every-day vape... Blue Honey from VapeDudes. Sadly, I have precious little of it left, and will have to wait until next weekend to order more, but the blue honey in my ProTank on my Vamo... Sweet!!!

Now for the bad news, and I hope that all of the nice folks who have helped me on this thread see this...

The confrontation with my wife that I knew was coming, arrived last night. The humiliation, rejection, and awkwardness that accompanied smoking has now crept into my vaping world! I have been banished from my home, under the premise of, "You can't prove to me that it isn't harmful so why take the chance?".

It isn't the worst thing in the world, I smoked for a very long time by going outside whenever I felt like a ..... It's just a bit frustrating because I honestly don't feel as though vaping is harmful, and I especially don't believe it to be harmful to anyone AROUND me. Sadly, no amount of reason, logic, or common sense could change this thought process in my significant other, and as they say... that's that.

I had been enjoying very much being able to vape and watch TV in my comfy chair after a long day... I thought of it as kind of my reward for quitting the awful habit of smoking. My wife, though, quite obviously equates the two activities and they are both awful and evil ... After all, I'm still a lowly addict, right? Still no "Good Jobs"... Still no "Proud of ya"... My feeling so happy and proud of my accomplishment is beginning to fall back in to the rubble that is "marriage where no matter what you do... it's just never enough". If it wasn't for you fine people around here keeping my spirits up, I may have just given up, and thought, "Why bother? I might as well just start smoking again".

When you're on your 6th day smoke-free, and surrounded by stress and negativity, and barely holding on... it's good to have ECF!!!!

My vamo and pro tank salute yours! I just got the tank today. So far I love it! Sure is heavy though. I think I will use it on the short configuration when the tank is on it. Uggg! I hate it when a favorite is gone. Squeezing those last precious drops out of the bottle. I'm glad you found blue honey and like it! And glad it's going good.


Not glad that you were banished back outside. I wouldn't cave personally but we all choose our own battles and i'm sure it's just less stressfull at this point to just go back outside. Can you pay out of pocket for a session together? I agree with what someone else posted about bringing documentation to a therapy session and her being forced to read it. You work hard, it's your house too. You deserve to vape in your own home.


Oh my! I'm a cronic pain sufferer also. (Bad knee, surgeries, arthritis) I ride my bicycle to build my muscles. My right thigh is visably smaller then my left. I work on it, and it hurts but I do it. And I bike and vape! I could never bike and smoke. Lol I can't run either and take stairs one at a time. ;( That's great that you get up early to walk. Wow! I hate mornings.


I really feel for you, so many of us do. I wish I could just wave my Bamo Vamo Wand and make it all better for you.

22 years...have you ever been right? I know I havent. Thats just the way it is with women. I never expect any atta boys so when i dont get them im not bothered.

No, that's NOT the way it is with all woman. There are many of us who admit when we are wrong, are thankful and proud of our men and tell them so every day.

 

[6.T.9]

Well first off congrats on quitting analogs! I do not have any kids but I do have a lil sister that stays with me. And when I told my mom I quit and how she said she did not want me to smoke it in front of her. Now heep in mind my sister just turned 12. And my mom smokes analogs infront of her whenever she is around. And I just could not comprehend how she thought it's better to smoke those in front of her. but not mine! So I took her aside one day and showed it to her and what I was using it 4 and she was proud of me and said well at least you smell better lol. But I don't see why they cant see it. I think its the best thing ever. And the proof is in the pudding.

Sent from my SCH-R950 using Tapatalk 2

 

[StillMaticc]

I had a similar issue, my sister hated my smoking, and then hated my vaping. It took a week of explaining what my eGo battery was and the details of vaping to her in order for her to come around. She finally gave in and took a "puff" one day then decided to congratulate me for quitting. She instantly became more supportive of my new "habit".

Also, with regards to your wife's concern for your kids....one of my main reasons for wanting to quit analogs so badly was when my 5 year old god son caught me smoking one day. He went home, took the stick from a blow pop and ran around the house saying "look i'm smoking like Uncle V".........that tore my heart out. Children are very...VERY impressionable as i'm sure you already know. I'm no one to tell you how to raise your children, but it doesn't hurt to be mindful of that...

Congrats on quitting analogs. Don't let anyone or anything make you go back!!!
Vape on!

 

[Mackhaio5]

Damn congrats and hang in there mjrhartley

I don't know if this will help but this was advice from my grandpa and it worked all of 27 years of my life so far and I pass it onto a lot of people that seem to give people they love the good and bad things to life. He always told me to be as selfish as possible and decide what I want to give people I love and people I hate. I've always refused to ever give people I care about my anger or anything that will hurt them because hurting them is not on my selfish list so I will not let anything change that. Seems like your wife is confused on what you wants for you ultimately so it might come of as trying to mold you.

But this story was an eye opener for sure. I am going to stay clear of anyone that tries to change my list of what I want in life. I have been banished to outside vaping too. Mainly I chain vape like crazy and the smell lingers and everyone has a hard time breathing cause of the smell.

Hope your wife will decide she doesn't want to hurt you intentional or unintentionally soon.

 

[VapingRulz]

I've been married for close to 35 years and I honestly don't understand why anyone would allow a spouse to dictate where you can vape. In a million years my spouse wouldn't dream of trying to control that sort of thing. It's all about mutual respect and giving each other enough space to feel comfortable. I guess that's why we're still happily married. Neither of us would handle it well if the other was controlling. You have the right - the obligation - to be your own person.

Disclaimer: This is of course strictly my opinion. What works for me may not work for you.

 

[Out of Stock]

Damn congrats and hang in there mjrhartley

I don't know if this will help but this was advice from my grandpa and it worked all of 27 years of my life so far and I pass it onto a lot of people that seem to give people they love the good and bad things to life. He always told me to be as selfish as possible and decide what I want to give people I love and people I hate. I've always refused to ever give people I care about my anger or anything that will hurt them because hurting them is not on my selfish list so I will not let anything change that. Seems like your wife is confused on what you wants for you ultimately so it might come of as trying to mold you.

But this story was an eye opener for sure. I am going to stay clear of anyone that tries to change my list of what I want in life. I have been banished to outside vaping too. Mainly I chain vape like crazy and the smell lingers and everyone has a hard time breathing cause of the smell.

Hope your wife will decide she doesn't want to hurt you intentional or unintentionally soon.

Wow, what flavor are you vaping? I can't smell the peach after I vape in my car for 45 minutes straight. The smell seems to go away very quickly

 

[bAlexd]

Just let her research about it a bit. Get informed about every single thing of an e-cigarette, and let her show you where she saw the information she said. Prove her wrong. But remember, you stopped smoking cigarettes, you already won.

 

[RickCain]

Sorry to hear that but you did the right thing. I guess I got lucky because after trying to kick analogs for many years (having to see the look on my wife's face when I went back to smoking) she was the one that bought me a eGo starter kit for my birthday. Now the funny part is I had bought an eVic and tons of tanks/juice to try it before I gave her false hopes of quitting those stinking analogs.

19 days in and it is so nice to not try and hid the smell of analogs and feel the health improvements.

Sent from my HTC One using Tapatalk 2

 

[mjrhartley]

My vamo and pro tank salute yours! I just got the tank today. So far I love it! Sure is heavy though. I think I will use it on the short configuration when the tank is on it. Uggg! I hate it when a favorite is gone. Squeezing those last precious drops out of the bottle. I'm glad you found blue honey and like it! And glad it's going good.


Not glad that you were banished back outside. I wouldn't cave personally but we all choose our own battles and i'm sure it's just less stressfull at this point to just go back outside. Can you pay out of pocket for a session together? I agree with what someone else posted about bringing documentation to a therapy session and her being forced to read it. You work hard, it's your house too. You deserve to vape in your own home.


Oh my! I'm a cronic pain sufferer also. (Bad knee, surgeries, arthritis) I ride my bicycle to build my muscles. My right thigh is visably smaller then my left. I work on it, and it hurts but I do it. And I bike and vape! I could never bike and smoke. Lol I can't run either and take stairs one at a time. ;( That's great that you get up early to walk. Wow! I hate mornings.


I really feel for you, so many of us do. I wish I could just wave my Bamo Vamo Wand and make it all better for you.


No, that's NOT the way it is with all woman. There are many of us who admit when we are wrong, are thankful and proud of our men and tell them so every day.

I'm sorry to hear that you're a pain sufferer also... it's an unfortunate way to live your life

Yes, it is less stressful to just remove the problem, which means removing myself with it (taking the vape outside). I'm not making that choice for my wife, it's more for the kids. If it was just her and I in the house I would be thinking very hard about standing firm. With the kids, though, it's just better for me to not vape around them. I don't think it's harmful to them in any way... but it's a mental thing. My kids look at me the same way when I vape as they used to do when I would smoke, just with that intense curiosity children possess. I really don't need to feed that. In the end of the day I'm ok with vaping outside. It's just not that big of a deal. I'm trying to be present... in the present, and experiences and emotions that are negative I try to think of in a very "eastern philosophy" type of way. I recognize that something is upsetting, I accept that it is upsetting, then I move on and it ceases to exist. I'm not always successful at this, but when I am it helps to not sweat the small stuff.

I'm coming to accept my situation, and my wife's inability to be happy for me with regards to quitting analogs. When my Mum passed at 57, I learned something very important in my life. I learned the true meaning of the phrase, "Life's too short". Now, when things are getting me down I repeat it like a mantra, and it helps...

Thanks so much!

 

[mjrhartley]

Well first off congrats on quitting analogs! I do not have any kids but I do have a lil sister that stays with me. And when I told my mom I quit and how she said she did not want me to smoke it in front of her. Now heep in mind my sister just turned 12. And my mom smokes analogs infront of her whenever she is around. And I just could not comprehend how she thought it's better to smoke those in front of her. but not mine! So I took her aside one day and showed it to her and what I was using it 4 and she was proud of me and said well at least you smell better lol. But I don't see why they cant see it. I think its the best thing ever. And the proof is in the pudding.

Sent from my SCH-R950 using Tapatalk 2

Thanks! And I agree 100%. Vaping is going to save my life! That's no small thing!

 

[mjrhartley]

I had a similar issue, my sister hated my smoking, and then hated my vaping. It took a week of explaining what my eGo battery was and the details of vaping to her in order for her to come around. She finally gave in and took a "puff" one day then decided to congratulate me for quitting. She instantly became more supportive of my new "habit".

Also, with regards to your wife's concern for your kids....one of my main reasons for wanting to quit analogs so badly was when my 5 year old god son caught me smoking one day. He went home, took the stick from a blow pop and ran around the house saying "look i'm smoking like Uncle V".........that tore my heart out. Children are very...VERY impressionable as i'm sure you already know. I'm no one to tell you how to raise your children, but it doesn't hurt to be mindful of that...

Congrats on quitting analogs. Don't let anyone or anything make you go back!!!
Vape on!

Thanks StillMaticc
You're absolutely right, children are extremely susceptible to what is going on around them. I have come to the decision that my wife not wanting me to vape in the house is not necessarily a bad thing, due to this very reason. I'm much more upset that she equates smoking and vaping, and thinks one is just as bad as the other. In her mind I have made no change, I haven't accomplished anything. This is the part that is upsetting. I will admit that when I was vaping in my recliner I really enjoyed the comfort and relaxation... but that was a luxury that was nice while it lasted, but isn't necessary. My kids don't need to watch me vaping, just like they didn't need to see me smoking. No good can come of it really. Thanks!

 

[mjrhartley]

I've been married for close to 35 years and I honestly don't understand why anyone would allow a spouse to dictate where you can vape. In a million years my spouse wouldn't dream of trying to control that sort of thing. It's all about mutual respect and giving each other enough space to feel comfortable. I guess that's why we're still happily married. Neither of us would handle it well if the other was controlling. You have the right - the obligation - to be your own person.

Disclaimer: This is of course strictly my opinion. What works for me may not work for you.

I'm happy that you have such a mutually respectful relationship. There is, undeniably, an issue of "power" in my marriage. My wife enjoys the feeling of "being in charge". We are not, and really have never been, on an equal footing in our marriage. It's one of the things that we're working on in therapy. I have always taken a back seat to her, and allowed her to dictate things. This comes from my youth. I suffered through what some would describe as a "rough" childhood. I was abused, and had a pretty miserable childhood. One of the lingering effects of that is a feeling of worthlessness, and a lack of self-esteem that I'm working on. Like I noted earlier, though... my decision to take it outside is just that, my decision. It keeps the peace and it's better for the kids. It's NOT a decision I made strictly because I was told to. I most definitely could've just said, "No!", and kept on vaping in my comfy chair... but that wouldn't have accomplished much, other than to satiate my own desire to vape comfortably. Sadly, that isn't enough to have to deal with the consequences. Mostly, though... it's about the kids.

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm glad that you have the type of relationship where you can do what you want. That mutual respect is something I'd like to believe we're working towards...

 

[mjrhartley]

Just let her research about it a bit. Get informed about every single thing of an e-cigarette, and let her show you where she saw the information she said. Prove her wrong. But remember, you stopped smoking cigarettes, you already won.

Thanks bAlexd

I have definitely already won. And that's for me, and no one can take it away! The problem with trying to educate her is that she has the "perfect" argument... that I can't prove, with empirical data, that it is NOT harmful. I can't argue that, as of yet no one can... so it is what it is.
Thanks!

 

[VapRLady]

I'm happy that you have such a mutually respectful relationship. There is, undeniably, an issue of "power" in my marriage. My wife enjoys the feeling of "being in charge". We are not, and really have never been, on an equal footing in our marriage. It's one of the things that we're working on in therapy. I have always taken a back seat to her, and allowed her to dictate things. This comes from my youth. I suffered through what some would describe as a "rough" childhood. I was abused, and had a pretty miserable childhood. One of the lingering effects of that is a feeling of worthlessness, and a lack of self-esteem that I'm working on. Like I noted earlier, though... my decision to take it outside is just that, my decision. It keeps the peace and it's better for the kids. It's NOT a decision I made strictly because I was told to. I most definitely could've just said, "No!", and kept on vaping in my comfy chair... but that wouldn't have accomplished much, other than to satiate my own desire to vape comfortably. Sadly, that isn't enough to have to deal with the consequences. Mostly, though... it's about the kids.

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm glad that you have the type of relationship where you can do what you want. That mutual respect is something I'd like to believe we're working towards...

I to came from an abusive backround, but it really is about gaining control of your life for yourself or you never stop being a victim. You have shown courage and strength by quitting analogs and vaping a good step towards freedom from your past. To keep that good trend going you should assert yourself in some other way to let your spouse know that you accept her judgement but you wont be sent outdoors like a "Bad Dog".

For your own mental health you should insist on your having a private area to comfortably indulge in your vaping, a place with a TV or any other convenience you desire to make you less of an outcast and more of an independent and deserving person. Either a den or a comfortable place in the basement, or a nice vaping lounge in the back yard (ie garden or tool shed comfortably remodeled).

Caving in will never get you to where you need to be, compromise is the tool you need to learn to use to gain respect with your spouse and bring about a viable, fruitful future.

As far as your children are concerned, they don't need to see Dad as an outcast either. You need to be a strong role model for them who is strong enough to stand up for himself but also to work things out so both you and your spouse feel you have gained something, but not everything.

I sense you are headed on a new and exciting path, you are learning to reach out to those who support you and trying to bring new ways of dealing with things to your family. Sounds like good mental health is coming your way! You have many things to celebrate, vaping has been an extra ordinary tool for your independence from smoking and constructive assertiveness is finding root in you....Vape On!

 

[mjrhartley]

I to came from an abusive backround, but it really is about gaining control of your life for yourself or you never stop being a victim. You have shown courage and strength by quitting analogs and vaping a good step towards freedom from your past. To keep that good trend going you should assert yourself in some other way to let your spouse know that you accept her judgement but you wont be sent outdoors like a "Bad Dog".

For your own mental health you should insist on your having a private area to comfortably indulge in your vaping, a place with a TV or any other convenience you desire to make you less of an outcast and more of an independent and deserving person. Either a den or a comfortable place in the basement, or a nice vaping lounge in the back yard (ie garden or tool shed comfortably remodeled).

Caving in will never get you to where you need to be, compromise is the tool you need to learn to use to gain respect with your spouse and bring about a viable, fruitful future.

As far as your children are concerned, they don't need to see Dad as an outcast either. You need to be a strong role model for them who is strong enough to stand up for himself but also to work things out so both you and your spouse feel you have gained something, but not everything.

I sense you are headed on a new and exciting path, you are learning to reach out to those who support you and trying to bring new ways of dealing with things to your family. Sounds like good mental health is coming your way! You have many things to celebrate, vaping has been an extra ordinary tool for your independence from smoking and constructive assertiveness is finding root in you....Vape On!

Thanks! Yes, I have been assertive insomuch as I have not allowed myself to be made to go outside. I have elected to utilize our bedroom space, as the kids pretty much never go in there. I have a rocking chair, lots of good books, and a phone equipped with Netflix! That's about all I need. The wife did want me to go outside, and I told her that I would go outside when I choose to (sometimes I actually WANT to go outside), or I would keep it in the bedroom. So, in that regard, I have shown some "gumption"!

I apologize if I've given you all the impression that I've accepted being treated like a "bad dog"... I have more self-respect than that

 

[The Yeti]

I've been married for close to 35 years and I honestly don't understand why anyone would allow a spouse to dictate where you can vape. In a million years my spouse wouldn't dream of trying to control that sort of thing. It's all about mutual respect and giving each other enough space to feel comfortable. I guess that's why we're still happily married. Neither of us would handle it well if the other was controlling. You have the right - the obligation - to be your own person.

Disclaimer: This is of course strictly my opinion. What works for me may not work for you.

^^^^

This.

 

[VapRLady]

Thanks! Yes, I have been assertive insomuch as I have not allowed myself to be made to go outside. I have elected to utilize our bedroom space, as the kids pretty much never go in there. I have a rocking chair, lots of good books, and a phone equipped with Netflix! That's about all I need. The wife did want me to go outside, and I told her that I would go outside when I choose to (sometimes I actually WANT to go outside), or I would keep it in the bedroom. So, in that regard, I have shown some "gumption"!

I apologize if I've given you all the impression that I've accepted being treated like a "bad dog"... I have more self-respect than that

Wonderful! You have many things to feel good about! Make sure you reinforce the spouse by thanking her for her concern and that you appreciate her input and are happy you could reach a compromise, this will help you take a leadership role.