I found his hidden stash of analogs

[cags]

Let him know that you know. Then tell him you will support him, and you realize he has to be the one to quit. Suggest that it is difficult, and that while he is going through the quitting process, that he should remember to count his success by the cigarettes he doesn't smoke, not his failures by the ones he does smoke. Through it all though, you have to be supportive and help him.

HTH

Sounds like he picked up a bad habit of hiding his choices from his ex, you can help him break that, discuss it with him, get it out into the open in a supportive, positive way, show him that owning his choices doesn't create bad reactions from you. He also may not want to face disappointment from you, and you can show him that it's not what's going to happen. I've been in that boat so many times over the years, on both sides.
.......

I know you know him best, but I have to agree with the above.

I feel it he could stop hiding it he might be able to quit quicker. or not, but he is a grown man (I assume ) and adults shouldn't have to hide stuff. coming out in the open and finding no judgement from you just might make it easier for him to quit. I'm having trouble finding the words to explain exactly what I mean...

 

[Vaslovik]

I know you know him best, but I have to agree with the above.

I feel it he could stop hiding it he might be able to quit quicker. or not, but he is a grown man (I assume ) and adults shouldn't have to hide stuff. coming out in the open and finding no judgement from you just might make it easier for him to quit. I'm having trouble finding the words to explain exactly what I mean...

I think I know what you mean, and I get where you are coming from. I expect at some point I'll catch him smoking, and just gently mention (with a smile) that's prolly why he's coughing so much and let it go at that.

 

[The Ocelot]

You might have a point there, I make his juice, and it's been 12 mg. He says he really likes the flavor, but maybe the nic is too low. I think maybe I'll make him up a new batch of 18 mg and see how that goes over. He uses the Volt cig-alike, and I have some blank cartridges for it. I can hear him coughing out there right now. Bummer...

Another thing is you might want to get him something more advanced, like an eGo. What I noticed with myself and my friends is that we didn't so much quit smoking, as found something we liked better. Honestly, a cig-a-like isn't all that much better.

 

[Vaslovik]

Another thing is you might want to get him something more advanced, like an eGo. What I noticed with myself and my friends is that we didn't so much quit smoking, as found something we liked better. Honestly, a cig-a-like isn't all that much better.

Oh I've tried getting him to do that, but he loves his little cig-alike that he can just slip into his shirt pocket along with the other things stuffed in there. Getting him to carry an eGo with a clearo on it isn't going to fly. If I could I'd have him using a mech/RBA like I do, but it's just not going to happen. He's pretty much set in his ways and I know better than try and remake him.

 

[therealmuffinman]

Maybe he doesn't want to quit and is just vaping to support you? At the very least it seems like vaping has got him to cut back. Maybe one day he might decide to just give it up entirely.

 

[Funk Dracula]

Also, besides a stronger mic level, what about some new gear, that makes more vapor? I know that I'm very particular about that, if I hadn't found PVs and tried to quit with Blu's and their weak vapor and taste, I wouldn't have done it.

This.

I was sucking through at least 4-5 Blu cartridges a day, and still smoking in the morning and evening until I got my first regulated PV and could crank it. Those ciga-like batteries don't work well. They are okay freshly charged for like maybe 20 puffs but it is quickly down-hill from there.

Maybe get him something really affordable and small like an itaste VV3. Also, I would even go higher than 18mg. I had to go to 36mg for a few weeks to really nic myself enough to avoid a cigarette. In the beginning I personally found that over-nic'ing and getting some comparable throat hit and warmth kept me away from actually lighting one up. I went down to 24mg quickly, and have been at 18mg for a long time now. I tried 12mg, but decided after trying that I really enjoy vaping, and I am no longer interested in dropping down to 0mg, so I bumped myself back up to a really enjoyable 18mg.

The important thing is to stop smoking, not go on an instant nicotine diet. Most of the time this involves using more nicotine than you would think to use to equal a traditional cigarette. In general, you need more nicotine mixed into an e-liquid that is measured in a cigarette anyways, because it is not absorbed into the bloodstream nearly as efficiently as a cigarette. So 18mg on a cigarette would maybe equal 36mg on an e-cig. Make sense?

I say go big or go home. It's much easier to drop down nicotine levels from e-liquid use than to quit smoking.

-B

 

[SonHouse]

Hard to say what's in his mind without talking to him about it and getting an honest answer. When I quit, I still smoked when the cravings were bad. In time, they lessened. Could be that, could be he's humoring you. Either way, the only way he'll quit is when he's ready for it. Only way you'll know is to have him tell you.

 

[cags]

I think I know what you mean, and I get where you are coming from. I expect at some point I'll catch him smoking, and just gently mention (with a smile) that's prolly why he's coughing so much and let it go at that.

another idea might be to just tell him you know he is smoking some and that it is ok, he doesn't need to hide it from you. I would think that would relieve a lot of pressure for him. tell him you are happy whenever he replaces a cig with vaping, but you understand if he still smokes some. (as soon as someone or something (like the govern) tells me I can't or shouldn't do something, then I really really want to do it lol)

I've been vaping almost 3 years. I smoked 2-3 pad when I started. I still smoke 2 cigs a day. why? well because I'm old and I want to!

 

[patkin]

If I ever felt like I had to sneak or lie to my Hubby about anything, including smoking, or couldn't relax enough to do as I pleased in my own home, I would take that as a serious problem in my relationship. That being said, if I felt Hubby felt that way around me, I would make it extremely clear that sneaking and/or lying to me wasn't necessary.... "I'm not your mom and you're not my kid. I'm here to support you, not run you." I hope he kicks the habit but if he doesn't that's his life and every one not smoked is progress if that's what he wants.

 

[freeatlast!]

If he's going to keep smoking, he'll probably eventually quit hiding it. He might be embarrassed that he still smokes....? Maybe the coughing (when I assume you no longer do) will bug him enough to try harder. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy who would welcome being bugged about it; it's his deal, I'd let him deal with it on his own. He knows he has options; you've already shown him the options. Good luck to you both!

 

[finney]

Sounds like he picked up a bad habit of hiding his choices from his ex, you can help him break that, discuss it with him, get it out into the open in a supportive, positive way, show him that owning his choices doesn't create bad reactions from you. He also may not want to face disappointment from you, and you can show him that it's not what's going to happen. I've been in that boat so many times over the years, on both sides.

Also, besides a stronger mic level, what about some new gear, that makes more vapor? I know that I'm very particular about that, if I hadn't found PVs and tried to quit with Blu's and their weak vapor and taste, I wouldn't have done it.

This. It's not a matter of IF you talk to him about it, it's HOW.

The wrong way would be: I found your cigarettes. Do you really think I'm so stupid that I didn't know? Come on. If you don't give a damn about your health, then that's fine I guess. All this effort I went to to make you juices and help you out and you lie to me?

The right way would be: Look, I know you're still smoking, and really, that's fine. You're a grown man, and you can make your own choices. I fell in love with you as a smoker, and I'll still love you even if you remain one. But if you want to still give switching to vape a try, I could make you some different juices and see if those make you more comfortable with the idea of giving up cigarettes. Just let me know what you'd like to do, and trust me... if you go out for a smoke, I won't think the less of you. Quitting is a REALLY hard thing to do. But I'll do what I can to support you, if you want to quit.

The key isn't to make him feel guilty or busted or like a child. He's hiding his cigs for a REASON and I think Billy hit the nail on the head. I had a friend with a SUPER controlling wife, and the reason we aren't friends anymore is because of her. Because she thought he'd leave her for a younger, thin woman. Because all his OTHER friends were part of an activity THEY did together, and I wasn't (though nobody invited me to the activities). Because all THEIR other friends are MARRIED and I guess I'm a husband stealing harlot because I'm not. Because they don't have separate friends, and because I was closer with him than her, WE MUST BE HIDING SOMETHING.

She's a total nightmare. And he took it. Which hey, his choice. Actually, if he thinks that this is anything even vaguely resembling a healthy, adult relationship, it looks like I misjudged him in the first place.

But he did the same things. Told me lies because he "didn't want to disappoint me". Because Wifey would have FLIPPED if he didn't/wouldn't/couldn't do exactly what she wanted, when she wanted it done. Hid things from me, because Wifey got mad if he drank more than one glass of wine, or looked at anything she deemed inappropriate on the internet.

And I think you SO is in the same mindset. You CAN show him that you're different, by allowing him to be honest, even when he isn't "perfect", and accepting him anyway.

 

[bcme]

I so much agree with this. Those Blu's and Fin's just weren't doing it for me. I had one of those in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Three weeks after I got an Evod no more cigarettes.

Another thing is you might want to get him something more advanced, like an eGo. What I noticed with myself and my friends is that we didn't so much quit smoking, as found something we liked better. Honestly, a cig-a-like isn't all that much better.

 

[Vaslovik]

The wrong way would be: I found your cigarettes. Do you really think I'm so stupid that I didn't know? Come on. If you don't give a damn about your health, then that's fine I guess. All this effort I went to to make you juices and help you out and you lie to me?

Yah, see that's how his ex would do it. No way I would ever pull that out on him, that's just not me. I'm not his mother or his boss.

The right way would be: Look, I know you're still smoking, and really, that's fine. You're a grown man, and you can make your own choices.....

It will come to that in time, but the time is just not now. I don't know when it will be, but I will know when the time comes. There will be a certain moment.

The key isn't to make him feel guilty or busted or like a child.

Yes, I thought I'd made it plain I already know that.

He's hiding his cigs for a REASON and I think Billy hit the nail on the head. I had a friend with a SUPER controlling wife, and the reason we aren't friends anymore is because of her. Because she thought he'd leave her for a younger, thin woman.....

Well, you read a lot more into it than is really there.

And I think you SO is in the same mindset. You CAN show him that you're different, by allowing him to be honest, even when he isn't "perfect", and accepting him anyway.

Ummmm... I'm really not sure where you are coming from, but perhaps you should go back and read the thread over. You sound like a man trying to lecture me on how to live my life or you are projecting your stuff onto me. Trust me, I don't need it and in point of fact that's something I'm pretty tired of from men and I've removed a few of them from my life for that.

 

[finney]

Well, you could have made your point with a lot less snark and condescension.

I was actually agreeing with you, and relating a similar, if much more severe, situation from my personal experience. And honestly? If someone HAS had a controlling parent/friend/partner in their life, they WILL automatically be defensive and evasive because that's how they've been, well... defending themselves.

I wasn't trying to "lecture you on how to live your life" and if you want to talk about reading-in, well...

I really don't understand where all this bile is coming from. I didn't attack you, I see no need for you to be attacking me this way. If you don't agree with my opinion or views, then that's completely fine. But I take exception on you making judgements about my character and attacking me personally. If I've somehow triggered something, it was entirely unintentional, and I don't see what my [assumed] gender has to do with it.

I only gave my advice based on my interpretation of what you had said. I am human. It may be incorrect. But you don't need to say anything you said the way you said it. I at least intended to speak to you respectfully, but clearly that wasn't YOUR intent.

I'm a little gobsmacked, frankly. This came from seemingly nowhere, and I'm not sure it's even directed at me.

... a man trying to tell you how to live your life, when I was attempting to give you advice about how to approach your partner without starting World War 3? When it seems that's what you want.

If it's all the same to you, I'd prefer not to interact with you in the future. You ignore me, and I will do the same.

 

[Alter]

Since you make your own juice I assume, you also know some DIY for coils.
If he is sneaking smokes then you should like said before to up his nic to 24, thats what I started out with for the first couple months then it began to get harsh and I cut back to 18 and still going between 12-18 for the last 7 months.
Tend to his gear.. nothing can turn off a potential vapor fast is to have a bad experience with vaping like burn't or metallic tastes. I keep my wifes and my protanks in top working order and if she really has no idea what a dryhit is anymore (good ol' CE4 days). If he has a good PV with a well maintained atty then chances are he won't be looking to sneak ciggys cause a good vape can easily replace those cigs.

 

[HzG8rGrl]

The typed words on a forum are sometimes a bit difficult to decipher.
I enjoyed reading each page and how everyone has tried to help the OP. Each of us reads each post with a different attitude because we project our own life experiences into the situation at hand. Sometimes a person feels that a personal nerve was hit. Please remember that these threads are for helping a fellow vaper, finding their way to a cigarette free life. In this instance, helping a loved one find their way out. Let's be supportive and not take this personal.

I do wonder if the battery to coil resistance choice has yet to be found for your loved one. He may feel uncomfortable with saying that the flavor choices are not to his liking. Sounds like only time will tell, and so time he gets as you watch him as he vapes what you have chosen for him. He may be like a lot of smokers and just want to open the cigs, light it up, have a smoke and be done. This is an entirely new world of information and a lot of people don't like such a drastic change in their lives.

My best to you and the love of your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Vaslovik]

Since you make your own juice I assume, you also know some DIY for coils.
If he is sneaking smokes then you should like said before to up his nic to 24, thats what I started out with for the first couple months then it began to get harsh and I cut back to 18 and still going between 12-18 for the last 7 months.
Tend to his gear.. nothing can turn off a potential vapor fast is to have a bad experience with vaping like burn't or metallic tastes. I keep my wifes and my protanks in top working order and if she really has no idea what a dryhit is anymore (good ol' CE4 days). If he has a good PV with a well maintained atty then chances are he won't be looking to sneak ciggys cause a good vape can easily replace those cigs.

Well, as I said earlier, he's using the Volt cig-alike and it's a pretty simple rig, and not much I can do to modify it. I also said earlier that he likes that PV and won't switch to anything he can't slip into his shirt pocket, so his hardware choice somewhat limits my response to this problem. All I can really do is make juice for him.

 

[WillyZee]

Leave him a loving card with his smokes ... in that card ... be honest ... tell him, you found them a while ago when you fixed his computer ... tell him that everything will work out fine and you are cool with whatever he decides ... make him some stronger nic and tell him to take it one day at a time.

The reason I am telling you this (to approach it with the loving card) ... he does not want to hide things or disappoint you (but feels he has to).

When he reads the card ... it will be when he is alone (and I bet it touches his heart) ... where talking to him face to face, he might be embarrassed or defensive ... saying nothing or waiting it out, will not help him.

You might even want to add some humour with the loving thoughts you put in the card

Good luck and Cheers

 

[Requiem33]

There have been a lot of good replies, and some I don't fully agree with. As a long time married guy I have my own views and reactions and history of things.

I'm smoking and vaping, my wife quit smoking over 10 years ago so that carbon dates me a little.

I smoked since I was oh about 16-17 something like that and she didn't nag me since she smoked until she quit. She didn't nag me to quit even though she did because it's a very personal matter. I knew she wanted me to quit. I wanted to quit and tried several times.

I learned of PV's and tried and eventually quit analogs but that was 3 years ago, I lapsed and was smoking again but now I'm back to vaping and transitioning off of analogs and back to my PV. It's a journey, a progression that one has to go through.

He may still be smoking, but that's ok, tell him that's ok. Don't get all over him. Don't make it into a "bad" thing. It's ok. Make sure that you let him know it's ok. Then back off. Give some space and some time. Keep vaping. Talking about juices, talk about things and wait. Either he will get interested and you can work out different nic levels and different batches (experiment) or not. He'll either eventually migrate or not.

I know you want him to quit smoking and such. But it can't be forced and as with all addictions and with other things if we are told not to do it... well we do it. Just because.

Just the ranting of a getting old fart.

 

[crazymew]

Though I agree with telling him that you found them, I can't imagine exactly what your situation is.

I can't really give you advice on this matter other than just doing what you do. And be darn good at it.