Thanks, MonkeyMonk
For what it's worth, Walrus, I think you did the right thing. Controlling another human being is just not possible. You might get the appearance of compliance, but the passive aggression and covert spite will lead to further and more dangerous acts than smoking.
I speak from personal experience here. No, I am not a parent. I am just a very willful person who was once a very willful child. My parents could get me to do pretty much anything they wanted by waiting for me to be ready to receive guidance and then guiding me in the best direction they could find. They made themselves my allies - not friends - when I was young, and when I got to be a teenager, I was very compliant with what they asked because I knew they were steering me where I wanted to go, not where they decided they wanted me to go.
When I am forced to do something against my will, I am angry, pouting, plotting revenge, scheming how to do my will behind their backs, passive aggressive, and spiteful - I will do EVERYTHING that I know the authority figure would disapprove of (the authority figure becomes the enemy that I must rebel against)
When I am shown how the authority figure's request actually pushes the team in a positive direction, I am not only compliant, but a proponent and a force to be reckoned with. I can be gung ho when I see that their desires and mine can coincide, coexist, and reinforce one another. I am as stubborn as a mule - everyone's best bet is to join forces with me in one way or another, I don't have to be in charge, just treated as someone with a will of their own and a mind of their own instead of a dumb robot who just does as they are told without question.
Walrus, you waited until she was ready to try it - with a few hints dropped I'm sure - then allowed her to try it and make up her own mind about it. You made it desirable to her, showing her that she can manipulate the flavors, giving her more control of her own tastebuds. She now has a pleasant experience with ecigs to reflect upon. She may very well return to you for more info now.
At 18, it is a good thing for her to strike out and exercise her will. Young ladies who don't exercise their own will usually don't learn how to and end up marrying the first guy who comes along and treats her the way daddy treats her - meaning the first guy who treats her like a child and makes decisions for her.
I respect you already Walrus, and this is the first post I have read of yours.
Nicowolf,
This may sound too much like a support group, but thanks for sharing. Trust me, I didn't stumble upon this 'style' by accident. I *was* that willful, stubborn, incorrigible adolescent and teen. I *am* that willful, stubborn, and incorrigible adult. I'm almost 42 years old, and the fastest way to get me to do something is to tell me not to.
The best service we can do for our children is to raise them with the ability to make good decisions for themselves, and be there to help them make them.
