Well, I've officially become a "vaper." Before you roll your eyes, let me give you a very personal experience, as some of this is a little hard to say. I've been smoking since I was in the military, over 12 years ago. I had quit a few times, but I would often smoke my pipes, or picked up dipping before eventually going back. If you've ever tried to quit smoking, then you know the shame you feel when you light a cigarette in front of a friend or family member who had been so supportive of you. The look in their eyes of disappointment is heart wrenching.
Part of my problem, that few people understand, is that I enjoy smoking greatly. I like the relaxing motions, and the smoke in my face. I never really smoked due to stress, and for me it was simply about something I found relaxing and fun. Perhaps that's less a physical addiction, and more of a mental one. A few years ago is when the real trouble began. I started developing a bad cough that sometimes would wake me up in the middle of the night. My coughing fits would be so bad that I would often vomit. This became almost a daily occurrence, and not something I shared with people, including my family. It was embarrassing to discuss, especially to the people I had let down time and again.
Oh, but I tried quitting. This last time, I tried fixing my urges with my trusted tobacco pipes. They helped, but, it just never felt the same. I wasn't inhaling, and it wasn't like I could pack a bowl of my favorite tobacco between classes. Before that, I switched to dipping, which is simply a disgusting habit. Time and again, I would just want a damn cigarette. Having a beer, I would remember with fondness how nice it was with a beverage. I would go out, and everyone would step outside to talk, and I would be left indoors by myself, or I would risk standing around my smoker friends dearly wanting to bum a cigarette. And I did. A lot. And then I would pick up smoking again, but it was always this stupid struggle where in my head, if I didn't buy a pack, I wasn't "smoking." So I would convince myself, that I just needed to bum a cigarette or two. Eventually, I would go buy a pack, or would get drunk enough to not care. The habit would start all over again, as I would sheepishly go back into the store, embarrassingly defeated, to go back to nights of coughing fits.
That all ended a month and a half ago. I ordered a few electronic cigarettes. I really liked the taste, and the options. The replacement cartridges weren't terribly expensive, and I knew I would save money. I figured, if I broke even, I would still be better off if I didn't pick up another cigarette. Some of my vaping friends told me to try a real vaporizer, or "mod" as they call them. Altogether, I saved about $350 in smoking cigarettes, and purchased some of these higher quality devices, and some quality liquids. I broke even, and I have enough liquid to last me for well over a month now.
Here's what I didn't expect. I feel healthier. Well, a lot healthier, honestly. No longer am I coughing in the middle of the night. No more vomiting bile on an empty stomach, or having to pull to the side of the road from hacking so hard. My sense of smell is coming back. My taste buds are waking up. For the first two weeks, the coughing I did have produced disgusting junk that I can only assume came from my lungs. I'm also drinking a lot more water, so as not to dehydrate myself while vaping, which puts me at the recommend level of intake. Lastly, I hate smoking cigarettes. Oh, I've tried it, somewhat reluctantly. They taste like ****. In a month and a half I've had a total of about 3 or 4 drags on a cigarette, and have never finished one. I wanted to see if I desired them, or had a fondness for them still. They all tasted like crap, and they've confirmed I hate the taste and smell of them. I truly find them revolting now.
For the first time since smoking, I don't want to smoke a cigarette. I feel healthier, and although vaping still had its dangers, I can go through those motions that I enjoyed without waking up in middle of the night gasping for air. I haven't even wanted to use my pipes since I started, so they've sat unused for the last month and a half. I've even worked down my juice content to roughly 6mg of nicotine, which when I started I was at the recommended level of 24mg (to get the same levels from smoking cigarettes).
So yes, I've become a vaper. Will this be my new habit? Maybe. I don't know yet. I do know I feel much better. My doctor's visit soon will hopefully confirm my suspicions. Either way, for the first time in my life since smoking, I don't feel tied to those damn burning cancer sticks. So, if I sound holier than though, or annoying, it's because this is a huge breakthrough for me. I finally feel free of cigarettes.
Thank you for listening.
