Hey y'all... just so as to not leave you guys and gals out of the loop, I feel that I need to let y'all know what is going on in my life right now. Thursday I'll be taking off work so that I can take my Bride in for CT and MRI scans, then Friday we will see the oncologist to discuss the aforementioned scans and get her twelfth chemo treatment of this second regimen. To be quite honest, things are not looking good. She is experiencing more pain than she was previously feeling. She is also a lot more tired and worn down than I've ever seen her. She is still trying to maintain an air of positive spirits, but I fear that she is realizing that she is nearing the end of what she can handle. This chemo regimen has been particularly hard on her; from the very first treatment, it has been brutal. I spoke with her best friend this morning, apparently my Bride told her that this may be her last chemo treatment. Not because the doctor will call it done, but because she feels that she cannot endure it any longer. She alluded to the feeling that she'd rather have a good year or so of feeling relatively normal (even if it shortened her life span) than to have two more years of feeling as she currently does. I cannot say that I blame her; I'd never blame her for feeling this way. But hearing this is a hard pill to swallow. Of course, I'll maintain a strong front for her benefit. It's all I know to do. But even still, my heart is heavy. I do not know what the scans will show; I do not know what decisions will be made. I know that I love my wife and I will support her in whatever she may choose. And I don't know what else to say... I'm sorry for dragging down the mood, but I also felt that y'all should know what's going on and where my head is right now. I'm trying to stay as positive as I possibly can, I'm trying to enjoy the time I have left with her. I'm trying to stay strong... honestly, all I really want to do is crawl into a cave and wish for it to all just go away. I know that isn't going to happen, but one can still wish, right?
Check your PM's brother. Also, everyone of us will be there every step of the way if you need something.