"Make 'em laugh" Contest by Vermillion River
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A Craigslist Personal Ad;
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. EST
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason .. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. EST
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason .. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex
Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked , 'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?' His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse.
Oh, Little Hunter said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'
__________________
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked , 'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?' His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse.
Oh, Little Hunter said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'
__________________
While we are waiting for the winners and whiners...
Here's one I stole from someone on PIF, who stole it from Facebook...
I got my wife a mood ring. When she is happy it turns green. When she's angry, it leaves a red circle on my forehead.
Here's one I stole from someone on PIF, who stole it from Facebook...
I got my wife a mood ring. When she is happy it turns green. When she's angry, it leaves a red circle on my forehead.
Since I missed the deadline for my last entry... I thought I would post it here anyway, to give all of you something to watch to pass the time until the winners are announced... 
This has become one of the new sports where I live... but it wasn't until I watched this video for the 1st time that I realized it was actually shot in one of the buildings right next door to mine!!! LOL!!
And although I have never tried this personally (yet!!), I do carry a bag of peanuts with me when I am out for a walk... the little buggers can be quite aggressive!!!
This has become one of the new sports where I live... but it wasn't until I watched this video for the 1st time that I realized it was actually shot in one of the buildings right next door to mine!!! LOL!!
And although I have never tried this personally (yet!!), I do carry a bag of peanuts with me when I am out for a walk... the little buggers can be quite aggressive!!!
I have to interject for one sec.
I received a random sample and chose Malibu Pineapple.
I just had to say AWESOME all away around!
love the dark glass bottle, love the tamper seal, love the flavor.
You made my eyes role to the back or my head at first vape. Thank you!!!
You will be seeing more of me......
I received a random sample and chose Malibu Pineapple.
I just had to say AWESOME all away around!
love the dark glass bottle, love the tamper seal, love the flavor.
You made my eyes role to the back or my head at first vape. Thank you!!!
You will be seeing more of me......
That's how I fell in love with VR too
I got a random sample of Kentucky Premium with some juice I bought on the Classifieds. It's now my all-day vape, as well as my favorite juice ever
Wow, and we are still waiting!!!I got one of the random selection juices and chose the Kentucky Applewood! That is fantastic!
I chose the Butter Rum. Very good, but hitting on the Cherrywood right now. Think I'll switch to the Vanilla Tobacco soon. I wonder how they taste together...maybe I'll just add some and find out.
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I mixed (without thinking) the KYApplewood and the KYVanilla in the same carto... was really delish!!
I know the contest ended last night, but I wonder if they are going to post the winners here or not...
(they DID post a list of the Random winners at one point, if I am not mistaken)
(they DID post a list of the Random winners at one point, if I am not mistaken)
Hi everybody, sorry for the delay, I was called away for a family emergency today. Just got back to the computer. The judges did the amazing job of choosing the winners. I will get them posted in a few minutes. Very sorry for the delay, my fault, not the judges. Back in a few.
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