NOCTURNAL MISSION (don't go there!)
Okay, so last night I’m out making my nocturnal visit to the neighbor’s llamas to check their dung piles for the latest news. Nothing! I haven’t made contact in a couple of weeks and this has me a little edgy. I think I’ve been spotted, but remember that the peat moss and owl feather
suit makes me undetectable. Whew! Poor prior planning and all that… Years of testing and countless ...... off nocturnal birds helped me perfect this method. It was worth it… well, it was worth it to me. Some creatures can be so touchy! Yeah the power drill/beaver tail thing might have been a mistake, but it’s all in the name of progress.
As I’m making my way back through the mud pits, I come to a halt as an unfamiliar sound reaches my ears. What? It can’t be! Complete silence! Being “in the know” about these things, I remain absolutely still as it passes overhead. You guessed it! A completely noiseless, invisible helicopter has passed over! You may ask , “My good sir, how would you know if a noiseless, invisible helicopter flew over?”. Think about it for a moment. Figure it out? No? Okay, I’ll let you in on a very little known secret.
Pudding skin! I know, it’s so simple that no one ever thinks of it! Now you will always know when they’re there. It’s my little contribution to your safety and security. You can thank me later.
Right now I have to get back to Nelson the super beagle for debriefing. After several minutes of security screening, Nelson is satisfied that I’m me and hits the valve switch that releases a fine mist from the showerhead above me. A moose urine shower is the best decontamination procedure in the known universe, except in Alaska & other places where there is a high moose population. Trust me. Don’t try it there! I still walk funny from that experience!
Nelson is waiting in the kitchen, looking up at the jar that I keep the doggy treats in. I take a beef basted milk bone out of the jar and eat it, as per procedure. It takes several minutes, but it has its desired effect. When I’m nearly unconscious, in my lazy boy, Nelson licks my hand and from this simple procedure, he now knows everything I do. Mission complete.
Until next time. Keep the saran wrap handy and stay away from the chocolate pop tarts.
These are the latest security camera images. Things are ramping up!
Okay, so last night I’m out making my nocturnal visit to the neighbor’s llamas to check their dung piles for the latest news. Nothing! I haven’t made contact in a couple of weeks and this has me a little edgy. I think I’ve been spotted, but remember that the peat moss and owl feather
suit makes me undetectable. Whew! Poor prior planning and all that… Years of testing and countless ...... off nocturnal birds helped me perfect this method. It was worth it… well, it was worth it to me. Some creatures can be so touchy! Yeah the power drill/beaver tail thing might have been a mistake, but it’s all in the name of progress.
As I’m making my way back through the mud pits, I come to a halt as an unfamiliar sound reaches my ears. What? It can’t be! Complete silence! Being “in the know” about these things, I remain absolutely still as it passes overhead. You guessed it! A completely noiseless, invisible helicopter has passed over! You may ask , “My good sir, how would you know if a noiseless, invisible helicopter flew over?”. Think about it for a moment. Figure it out? No? Okay, I’ll let you in on a very little known secret.
Pudding skin! I know, it’s so simple that no one ever thinks of it! Now you will always know when they’re there. It’s my little contribution to your safety and security. You can thank me later.
Right now I have to get back to Nelson the super beagle for debriefing. After several minutes of security screening, Nelson is satisfied that I’m me and hits the valve switch that releases a fine mist from the showerhead above me. A moose urine shower is the best decontamination procedure in the known universe, except in Alaska & other places where there is a high moose population. Trust me. Don’t try it there! I still walk funny from that experience!
Nelson is waiting in the kitchen, looking up at the jar that I keep the doggy treats in. I take a beef basted milk bone out of the jar and eat it, as per procedure. It takes several minutes, but it has its desired effect. When I’m nearly unconscious, in my lazy boy, Nelson licks my hand and from this simple procedure, he now knows everything I do. Mission complete.
Until next time. Keep the saran wrap handy and stay away from the chocolate pop tarts.
These are the latest security camera images. Things are ramping up!
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