So, you have a catheder in your arm and can't go to work? So, what would I do in a similar situation?
I'd throw a party and make my own brand of Bloody Mary.

You work that catheder just right and you can milk yourself like a cow.
And the jokes would go as freely as the liquor
"Yeah, I'm on ...... and the doctor worried my erections would last longer than 4 hours. So he installed this blood letting gizzmo...."