Rough news today
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First thing we talked about was how long, how much ect. Then we got into a lot of stuff about his current situation at home which I am not going to air in a public forum to strangers.
I always have talked to him as an equal, which is not always what he gets from his mom...hell she didn't even talk to ME as an equal a lot of the time when we were together.
I have raised 7 children. (3 being siblings and 4 being my own)
The most important thing is that your son came to you and was honest. Build on that.
Your initial question was "what would you do?"
My answer is that it would depend on the child. Not the same thing worked for all 7 in any given situation.
For one I probably could have bribed.. for another I could have taken away their fav video game or cell phone..
Yet for another maybe getting them some vape gear would have worked.
Out of the 7 only one smokes analogs occasionally. I have introduced her to e-cigs but since she does not live near by it is hard to keep her with it.
There is no right or wrong answer here. Especially when you have a separated parent situation.
Just keep the communication open with your son and go with what you think will work.
A lot depends. But, if you had a no smoking house, only vaping, it could turn into a shared hobby.
Just a thought
Just a thought
Okay, fine. Where does that 14 or 15 year old get the cash? From his parents! I started smoking at 14 or 15, can't remember. But I do remember stealing cigs from my parents. But I wasn't hooked at that age and neither is this child of the OP's. Just because they've been smoking all that time, doesn't mean it's a full fledged addiction.
If it is, the parents may want to see where the child is getting the money from.
I saw this after I started vaping...maybe it's because I'm officially "old", but it did more to me than even seeing some of those PSA's on TV. Show him this:
http://whyquit.com/whyquit/BryanLeeCurtis.html
I started smoking at 13, was a die hard, never-quit smoker by the time I was 18. Quit with vaping at 43. Thank God (at least for now) this is not how I will go.
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First thing we talked about was how long, how much ect. Then we got into a lot of stuff about his current situation at home which I am not going to air in a public forum to strangers.
I always have talked to him as an equal, which is not always what he gets from his mom...hell she didn't even talk to ME as an equal a lot of the time when we were together.
It is a good sign that he came to you. He's looking for help and knows you're there for him. Run with that, you have a lot of power in that. He is several hours away so you probably can't just have him live with you but if the problem is his home life then that would probably solve it. The school year is almost over though so maybe you could do that over the summer... I don't know what your arrangements are but being the chief influence over his daily life will go a long way IMO.
You're getting advice to use techniques that the ANTZ use... scaring, grossing out, etc.... just my humble .02, remember how much that did not work for you
I have two kids... one smokes and one does not. I support the one daughter's attempts at sticking with vaping. I know that I pretty much taught my kids to smoke, by doing it in front of them, so I was not shocked when it happened. Saddened, but not shocked. I hope to break the cycle with my grandkids and am glad they will never see me light a cigarette.
You're getting advice to use techniques that the ANTZ use... scaring, grossing out, etc.... just my humble .02, remember how much that did not work for you
I disagree to a point...no, they didn't work for me in general. But some are more poignant than others. If it's meant to scare, so is seeing a car that got wrapped around a tree in a teen drunk driving accident, where all the kids died. Depending on how it's presented, it's actually very effective.
Hmm.. how about tallying the cost of a smoking habit and show him how much he can save over 5 years, 10 years or so? does he want a car? workout gym? Dr Dreas? gaming computer? hike round Europe?......
I am still tying to figure out where a 14 year old kid is getting the money to buy cigarettes at todays high cigarette prices?
In my mind, he is either getting an allowance of some kind from his parents, or he is stealing the money from his parents.
Where else does a 14 year old get expensive cigarette money from? .... too young to have a real job
In my mind, he is either getting an allowance of some kind from his parents, or he is stealing the money from his parents.
Where else does a 14 year old get expensive cigarette money from? .... too young to have a real job
I haven't read all of the responses to this so if I'm repeating something someone has already said, I apologize but here goes.
I have 3 kids, ages 13, 12, and 8. My 13 year old son has asthma and hates smoking. I don't expect him to smoke but ya never know I guess... Anyway, he's close in age to your boy so I'm trying to put myself into that headspace and here are my thoughts and concerns:
If he's seriously smoking, and by that I'm talking more than half a pack a day, sneaking out at school or into the bathrooms, etc. to get a fix, then there is a problem. If he's scrounging money or taking it from parents to purchase smokes, there is a problem. I mean that goes beyond an occasional peer pressure/impress your friends type 14 year old smoking experience. If it's that bad, I would seriously consider a strict vaping regimen to get him to kick the habit and by that I'm talking that I would closely monitor eJuice nic strengths and walk him down in MG until he was off the device completely. I would NOT give in to my child and just give them vape gear as a substitute for smoking, that to me seems to be a last resort fix for people who have been seriously smoking for a long period of time. I WOULD see benefit of using vaping a quitting smoke aid for a teen, in that it would be used for a short period of time to kick the habit and nothing more. I WOULD be sure to strongly, strongly educate my teen on vaping in general and how precarious our country's legislation sits currently because the last thing we (the vapers in this country as a whole) need are teens bragging to their friends about how cool eCigs are and by doing so, they could put things in bad light for the community as a whole. We do not need to add fuel to the fires. I WOULD NOT under any circumstances provide my teen with ANY high end vape gear. If I were to go this route at all with son, he would get a basic 510 with refillable carts, no tanks, no eGo's or fancy/cool looking mods. Again, no need to make this look "cool" it would be to fullfill a purpose and that's it. If I think of anything else I'll respond again but for now, that's my thoughts.
I have 3 kids, ages 13, 12, and 8. My 13 year old son has asthma and hates smoking. I don't expect him to smoke but ya never know I guess... Anyway, he's close in age to your boy so I'm trying to put myself into that headspace and here are my thoughts and concerns:
If he's seriously smoking, and by that I'm talking more than half a pack a day, sneaking out at school or into the bathrooms, etc. to get a fix, then there is a problem. If he's scrounging money or taking it from parents to purchase smokes, there is a problem. I mean that goes beyond an occasional peer pressure/impress your friends type 14 year old smoking experience. If it's that bad, I would seriously consider a strict vaping regimen to get him to kick the habit and by that I'm talking that I would closely monitor eJuice nic strengths and walk him down in MG until he was off the device completely. I would NOT give in to my child and just give them vape gear as a substitute for smoking, that to me seems to be a last resort fix for people who have been seriously smoking for a long period of time. I WOULD see benefit of using vaping a quitting smoke aid for a teen, in that it would be used for a short period of time to kick the habit and nothing more. I WOULD be sure to strongly, strongly educate my teen on vaping in general and how precarious our country's legislation sits currently because the last thing we (the vapers in this country as a whole) need are teens bragging to their friends about how cool eCigs are and by doing so, they could put things in bad light for the community as a whole. We do not need to add fuel to the fires. I WOULD NOT under any circumstances provide my teen with ANY high end vape gear. If I were to go this route at all with son, he would get a basic 510 with refillable carts, no tanks, no eGo's or fancy/cool looking mods. Again, no need to make this look "cool" it would be to fullfill a purpose and that's it. If I think of anything else I'll respond again but for now, that's my thoughts.
I started when i was about 14/15 as well, I've got severe asthma and need to carry an inhaler on me at all times to prevent any sudden, unpredictable attack from F'ing me in the A and consequently landing me in hospital. I've had Asthma my entire life but smoking made it twenty times worse than it would have been if i'd never touched a stinky.
Last year around August (those of you that have read this before are gonna groan in despair but stick with me) time i jolted awake at about 5am struggling to breathe, it wasn't just a tight chest or a bit of panic, it was full on Not-Enough-F'ing-Air. It got to the point where my brain was slightly starved of oxygen and i was struggling to think straight, i still live at home so luckily my mother heard me banging and throwing stuff off surfaces trying to find an inhaler in sheer desperation, blind, terrified, panicking desperation. My mum managed to grab me one in time and it kept me just about with it whilst i was rushed through to hospital.
The doctors didn't spare a single second and rushed me straight into a room and stuck a nebuliser on my face straight away, it took me nearly 4 hours to get enough salbutamol into my system to ease the stress my lungs were coping with. The kicker is that as you hyperventilate and gasp during an asthma attack, your lungs get weaker and can pull in less air, vicious cycle or what?
Now you might think this is a tale of just an Asthma sufferer, but it's still one to bare in mind. The problems that stinkies can cause for your lungs could land you in a situation like mine that you should have never been in, the difference is i was born with it, i've got this for the rest of my life. If you weren't born with it, don't take the chance; look after those squishy bags of air in your chest <3
Maybe tell him that.
I got lucky, i found Vaping and stopped stinkies altogether before they killed me
Already owned a CE4 starter kit for a few months at that point, that was the day i totally dropped stinkies without a second thought and started getting a lot more use out of my ecig
EDIT - I was also told that day this is the kind of situation they'd expect a pensioner with severe asthma to be in, I'm 21
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Totally agree with this. If the ANTZ position worked, none of us reading this would've smoked. I distinctly recall being 10 and despising smoking (both my parents did it). Then around 15, my thinking was updated. I saw the ANTZ of that time, being entirely far fetched in their messaging. As that age is all about questioning and possibly rebelling against (false) authority, the ANTZ type messages were easy to dismiss. Not just my opinion, but my experience.
This is where I'd split paths from everyone so far commenting. I'd be honest about my experience, but would not hold back on the "why I actually enjoyed smoking" aspect of the discussion. Leaving that out and only harping on "listen to my struggle" is I feel setting up an unbalanced equation that amounts to lying. IMO, it's why the ANTZ position utterly fails and why ex-smokers are rather poor at getting others to not follow on their same exact path.
I don't understand why one wouldn't tell the truth / whole truth about smoking, and instead insist on filtering it through only negative experiences. I mean I kinda understand why people do this, but thus far in human history that is clearly, and undeniably, showing up as not working. Like your going to be the first person to explain your struggles and negative experiences, and magically another young human is going to go an entire lifetime and see that as "truth?" World don't work like that. People do some nasty things while growing up, and at times, they truly, honestly find it enjoyable, enriching and opening them up to things that they felt were shielded against.
While the person on oxygen tank or suffering in a hospital bed with lung disease can be powerful, so can the person that smokes until 115 years old. And just the fact that you reading this are ex-smoker and made it past 40 sends a very significant message to everyone under age 20 that smokes. Many smokers, while smoking, went on to become very successful people. You'd have to be a very shielded kid to not realize that, as it is literally all around us.
Also doesn't help the anti cause anymore now that vaping is around. How many of us vapers have said, "well if these things were around when I first started, it would've been different." Well, not so different now when we all are saying - absolutely, no way should kids be allowed to buy vape gear. And yet, most, if not all vapers, would say to a person that just turned 18 and has been smoking for last few years, heck ya you ought to be vaping... here let me show you all the wonderful devices, juice and options for you to explore to your heart's content. As if that is the "truth" and that vaping is, altogether enjoyable and to be encouraged. When we could just as well tell about our struggles (with addiction to nicotine) and only spin vaping via negative experiences, showing future vapers all the people who have had health problems from vaping.
Let me know when that half truth telling thing starts to pay off for you all. So far, it shows up as utterly failing.
A bit off-topic but I'd say you were the exception and not the rule. The ANTZ do indeed make quite an impact because there are... well, there are just a lot of stupid people among us. History is full of examples where blind lemmings follow other passionate blind lemmings irregardless of the message.
I sometimes reflect on what I wish people around me had done when I 'came out' as a smoker. My mum didn't care, my nan actually gave me cigs and my uncle who I lived with would actually give me cigs when I needed them. I am glad that they were supportive of my choice and didnt nag me. However, what I really wish had happened was that they showed solidarity and gave me some incentive to quit. If he has told you about it, he might be fishing for help. Offer him whatever he needs to quit, ask him what he wants to happen. If he is involved in the decision making progress then he will feel mature and do the right thing. Ask what he wants and then set some ground rules. No smoking in school hours or something that he can meet, but offer him something to give up, even if that means providing him with a pv. That might be the reason he told you after all. Put yourself in his position and make him feel like he can control this.
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KODIAK;12578525 said:
I agree on the last sentence, but don't see me as exception to the rule.
When I started smoking (mid 1980's), the ANTZ message was fairly prevalent. I din't think then of it as "ANTZ" messaging. But did process it in similar way to how I do now. I saw it as a scare tactic that likely had some degree of truth to it. At age 10, it would've worked on me. At age 15, I was playing another version of "because why" to whatever response was being given to me. Not literally playing that game out loud, but figuratively in a way that I saw in vast majority of my peers, in all movies about teens that I've ever seen, and in almost all stories (including non-fiction ones) that I've ever heard about teens.
As a really young kid, I think we (humans) play that game just cause we think its funny / clever and cause we are curious if there is an answer that can be given to satisfy the "why." But at some point between 12 and say 30, the question is empowered with a, "here let me try that to see if what you are saying will undoubtedly hurt a human, actually does hurt me." And is easier to try it if you see a fellow peer trying it and not only defying harm, but making it look good/enjoyable in the process. Once that (teeny tiny) hurdle is crossed, it becomes a question of "why wouldn't I continue this?" No seriously, why? Cause this is what my brain looks like at age 30 if I continue? Or this is what my lungs will turn into at age 40? Or this is how I'll die at age 50?
Really, that's the best reason you can come up with for not doing this today? If that is so accurate, then how come all these other people between age 30 and 120, did it, were fairly successful in life and were able to justify that lifestyle not just for weeks and months, but for decades? Before you respond, you may just want to check your hypocrisy at the door. It'll make it much easier for me to listen to you as if you aren't just trying to sell me on something you don't actually believe, but want so much for me to believe.
If we were to take out all the adult addicts in our human society, there'd be like 50 adults left on this planet.
Yeah, that's tough. My 16 year old nephew doesn't smoke, but he's been sneaking his moms vape because he likes the strawberry flavor and the ultimate reason for any 16 year old..."it's cool." Now I am old enough to have been smoking legally at 16, even had a smoking area at high school so I wasn't as dismayed as some younger people might be. My suggestion to my sister was if he keeps helping himself to her stuff, just buy him his own with zero nic and the understanding that it's only for home. At least that way he wouldn't be inhaling the nicotine.
i had a newspaper route and did side jobs throughout the neighborhood personally.
install a faucet for the elderly lady across the street, wash the drunks motorcycle next door, mow a couple lawns and go collecting for your paper route. then you can party illegally all weekend at 1̶4̶ 12 years old and have plenty of cash to get the bums who buy our goods for us their own bottles and cigarettes. every now and then enough cash to throw a kegger, too.
not that i had time for all that liberty with the house rules. i just snuck out and kept my alliances a close kept secret.
where there's a will, there's 101 ways.................
Wow, I have to respectfully disagree with many of the posters. First, the OP should be proud that his son trusted/respected him enough to tell him he has started smoking. IMHO, the son may not be addicted, but he has made the decision to become a smoker and I doubt there is anything anyone can do about that. Bear in mind, that the decision to smoke is often not a matter of peer pressure or group mentality. Young people often begin to smoke because it adds something to their lives. Could be it makes them more comfortable in social situations, or makes it easier to study, among many others. I believe that some teens smoke because it is a decision they can make that realistically cannot be changed by anyone else, including parents. To those that think showing him scary pictures or introducing him to someone on oxygen is a good idea, LOL. Believe me, he has seen all of that in school as the ANTZ have made sure it is stressed repeatedly in elementary and middle school. As far as where a 14 year old obtains tobacco products, again LOL! All it takes is being a friend of a friend of a friend who is 18years old. Tobacco products are only slightly HARDER to obtain than that illegal substance which is often smoked. Sit down with your son, and after thanking him for coming forward, discuss the issue with him in a nonthreatening, man to man manner. If, as I expect, he is intent on smoking, offer to set him up with a good vape outfit, and don't expect to make it 0nic--that bird has already flown. He will love and respect you for it, and you can use that capitol to deal with other even more serious issues which will arise over the next several years. Good luck to both you and your son.
I started smoking around 10-12 years old. It wasn't hard to get cigarettes. All the adults around me smoked and I just waited till they were distracted (basketball was a great time) and liberated a few here and there. I wasn't addicted until about 16. Allowance, babysitting money and a little skimming off my lunch money took care of most of my habit. Although a pack of cigs was only about 1 or 2 dollars then. I think that money was as hard for me to come by as 5 or 10 is today.
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