Mike,The kids, my cousins and I are now at the point where we are saying goodbye to my Mother. Her mind is more and more confused. The few times she is 'With" us is rare. She still remembers me, but confuses me with the nurses. She thinks they are me. I have asked my cousins to come down soon, in the next few days before she is not able to recognize them.
Mike will go up to see her with me tomorrow, normally I won't let him near a hospital for fear of what he might catch. My kids are coming up this week to see her too. My older grandson will go up but the younger one has a bad cold, he may not go up or even come up here.
I believe in talking to the very ill about death and dying (if that is what they are facing). It gives them a chance to express themselves about leaving and what's to come. It also gives them the chance to say goodbye and what's in their hearts. They like to make peace with this world and the next. Most people are too uncomfortable with this, My cousins are in denial about her impending death. They think she can come back from this. If she does what is she coming back too? A mind that is gone, a body in crisis, a life of nursing care, never being able to do anything for yourself again and being treated like a child.
I bring pictures of her and her family every where she is. Sometimes she wants to see them and share them, at other times they make her sad. So many in the pictures are gone now. A natural result of out living everyone of your generation and above. The nurses need to see her as a person who was once young and happy, it helps them see past the old lady who is now in their care and to treat her like someone they know.
This is hard on her, She is scared of dying but knows she is. We talk about my grandmother, grandfather, my sister who died at 30, 23 years ago and my Uncle, her only sibling. I tell her they will be there for her.
She has seen a Priest and had last Rites and Communion. She has to be reminded of this though.
Mostly we talk about the happy times we had, I try not to let her hear too much of the Nurse stuff, but let her listen to the Doctor. It's not as scary when they talk about her health. The nurses discuss procedures which is a bit scary.
The procedure of Death and dying is in steps, one thing goes and then that causes something else, like domino's. Once you get past a certain amount of problems then there is no coming back. That is when hospice takes over..we aren't there yet, even as bad as she is. For now I will let them do what they can, but as soon as she passes the point of no return, I will have her moved back to the nursing home and start hospice.
All of this stuff is hard to do and to make decsions about. You feel like no matter what you do is up for discussion and criticism.
The cousins think I am letting the hospital and Nursing home get away with managing her care badly. They refuse to understand she is never going to recover and this breakdown is no one's fault, it's the natural progression of death.
One of the nurses told me he thinks Nursing homes, no matter how nice are places to go die, not to get well. Another one is telling me to make my goodbyes.
My neighbor is telling me about hospice in the home, like her mother did for her dad. Her dad was home for 18 hours before he passed. He was also a heart patient with his full mind. She is appalled that Mom is in a Home (was in I should say).
So far Mike is agreeing with me, because he knows Mom. If she was here, I would not get a second's peace. I don't care how many people are here to help her, it's me who she would call.
O.K. now that I have rambled on forever..you guys can have a go.
Mike will go up to see her with me tomorrow, normally I won't let him near a hospital for fear of what he might catch. My kids are coming up this week to see her too. My older grandson will go up but the younger one has a bad cold, he may not go up or even come up here.
I believe in talking to the very ill about death and dying (if that is what they are facing). It gives them a chance to express themselves about leaving and what's to come. It also gives them the chance to say goodbye and what's in their hearts. They like to make peace with this world and the next. Most people are too uncomfortable with this, My cousins are in denial about her impending death. They think she can come back from this. If she does what is she coming back too? A mind that is gone, a body in crisis, a life of nursing care, never being able to do anything for yourself again and being treated like a child.
I bring pictures of her and her family every where she is. Sometimes she wants to see them and share them, at other times they make her sad. So many in the pictures are gone now. A natural result of out living everyone of your generation and above. The nurses need to see her as a person who was once young and happy, it helps them see past the old lady who is now in their care and to treat her like someone they know.
This is hard on her, She is scared of dying but knows she is. We talk about my grandmother, grandfather, my sister who died at 30, 23 years ago and my Uncle, her only sibling. I tell her they will be there for her.
She has seen a Priest and had last Rites and Communion. She has to be reminded of this though.
Mostly we talk about the happy times we had, I try not to let her hear too much of the Nurse stuff, but let her listen to the Doctor. It's not as scary when they talk about her health. The nurses discuss procedures which is a bit scary.
The procedure of Death and dying is in steps, one thing goes and then that causes something else, like domino's. Once you get past a certain amount of problems then there is no coming back. That is when hospice takes over..we aren't there yet, even as bad as she is. For now I will let them do what they can, but as soon as she passes the point of no return, I will have her moved back to the nursing home and start hospice.
All of this stuff is hard to do and to make decsions about. You feel like no matter what you do is up for discussion and criticism.
The cousins think I am letting the hospital and Nursing home get away with managing her care badly. They refuse to understand she is never going to recover and this breakdown is no one's fault, it's the natural progression of death.
One of the nurses told me he thinks Nursing homes, no matter how nice are places to go die, not to get well. Another one is telling me to make my goodbyes.
My neighbor is telling me about hospice in the home, like her mother did for her dad. Her dad was home for 18 hours before he passed. He was also a heart patient with his full mind. She is appalled that Mom is in a Home (was in I should say).
So far Mike is agreeing with me, because he knows Mom. If she was here, I would not get a second's peace. I don't care how many people are here to help her, it's me who she would call.
O.K. now that I have rambled on forever..you guys can have a go.
