I got as far as typing the title and had to stop. So, I got my rig working properly and - I'm ok again (big sigh). I'm vaping like a mad fiend to settle myself down. I've been three months without analogs and accidentally quit after three days of vaping. I used to be a pack a day smoker, after the bans in 2001, I went up to 1.5 PAD and had almost hit 2 PAD when I found out that you actually could get nicotine e-liquid in Canada. A few days later, I was an ex-smoker.
Tonight I had a crisis.
I'm sharing this so that others can see, for sure, that it is ok to relapse for a moment - then carry on.
Here's what precipitated my relapse (and it was only four or five puffs of an absolutely disgusting tasting ultra mild cigarette - by the way, I'm not going to change my signature counter for such a small hiccup). I work in a provincial treasury - my staff move hundreds of millions of dollars around every day - and I am responsible for their actions. We tend to get a little blasé about it, but it is still background "stress". Thirty-three years ago my mother was diagnosed with chronic, progressive multiple sclerosis. I've smothered myself to try and provide her the care she wants - even though it's beyond what she actually needs from me, given all of the supports I've put in place for her.
Then, seven months ago, my dad's second wife (a "nice' lady who has what appears to be bi-polar tendencies and has "possessiveness" issues) ends up in hospital with 245 over something ridiculous, blood pressure. So, being familiar with the maze of "home support", I offer to help get everything in place to find out that my dad (who at the time had early onset Alzheimer's) has been her primary caregiver. Fast forward a month and he falls down the basement stairs and breaks a hip! So, he heals quickly from the hip surgery, but due to his wife's fragile health is unable to return home. So he spends four months on an acute care ward (where the nurses have been absolutely amazing!), restrained in a trayed wheelchair (restraint, which is totally contra-indicated for Alzheimer patients - but necessary for his safety on an acute care ward) waiting for a residential placement. I've been there five days out of seven taking him, out for walks and trying to ease his fears.
He finally gets a placement in a place that has great staff, but terrible physical facilities. At least he is out of the wheelchair and able to use his walker to move around! In the middle of all this, I had booked two weeks off to try and put my own household to rights. Well I spent most of the time ferrying him back and forth to the cancer clinic for radiation treatment on this enormous lump that grew on his forehead shortly after the hip surgery. Needless to say my house and small acreage is still a "disaster area" and I need to go back to work tomorrow. It was just too much!!!!!!! I went off the deep end, but surfaced with my Zmax in hand.
Don't ever beat yourself up for temporary "lapses', Just go back to vaping when you can.
(Sorry for the self-indulgence, but I really need a few ECF hugs right now.)
Tonight I had a crisis.
I'm sharing this so that others can see, for sure, that it is ok to relapse for a moment - then carry on.
Here's what precipitated my relapse (and it was only four or five puffs of an absolutely disgusting tasting ultra mild cigarette - by the way, I'm not going to change my signature counter for such a small hiccup). I work in a provincial treasury - my staff move hundreds of millions of dollars around every day - and I am responsible for their actions. We tend to get a little blasé about it, but it is still background "stress". Thirty-three years ago my mother was diagnosed with chronic, progressive multiple sclerosis. I've smothered myself to try and provide her the care she wants - even though it's beyond what she actually needs from me, given all of the supports I've put in place for her.
Then, seven months ago, my dad's second wife (a "nice' lady who has what appears to be bi-polar tendencies and has "possessiveness" issues) ends up in hospital with 245 over something ridiculous, blood pressure. So, being familiar with the maze of "home support", I offer to help get everything in place to find out that my dad (who at the time had early onset Alzheimer's) has been her primary caregiver. Fast forward a month and he falls down the basement stairs and breaks a hip! So, he heals quickly from the hip surgery, but due to his wife's fragile health is unable to return home. So he spends four months on an acute care ward (where the nurses have been absolutely amazing!), restrained in a trayed wheelchair (restraint, which is totally contra-indicated for Alzheimer patients - but necessary for his safety on an acute care ward) waiting for a residential placement. I've been there five days out of seven taking him, out for walks and trying to ease his fears.
He finally gets a placement in a place that has great staff, but terrible physical facilities. At least he is out of the wheelchair and able to use his walker to move around! In the middle of all this, I had booked two weeks off to try and put my own household to rights. Well I spent most of the time ferrying him back and forth to the cancer clinic for radiation treatment on this enormous lump that grew on his forehead shortly after the hip surgery. Needless to say my house and small acreage is still a "disaster area" and I need to go back to work tomorrow. It was just too much!!!!!!! I went off the deep end, but surfaced with my Zmax in hand.
Don't ever beat yourself up for temporary "lapses', Just go back to vaping when you can.
(Sorry for the self-indulgence, but I really need a few ECF hugs right now.)
It looks like you've got a lot on your plate. Good on you for overcoming it.
. I suspect it would have taken me much longer!
