I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Billy Connolly
Billy Connolly
Vapors Choice Lounge 2
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"When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day" — Sam Ewing
Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.
Edward Abbey
Edward Abbey
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
Fred Allen
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one." — C.S. Lewis
"Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat." — Author Unknown
"I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness." — Author Unknown
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley
Robert Benchley
"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public." — Bryan White
"God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage" — Mark Twain
"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water." — Author Unknown
Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
Robert Byrne
Robert Byrne
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." — Brian Williams
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