I guess I'm a little different than most of the people here. It seems like most people started smoking because they wanted to be "cool" or fit in. Most people enjoyed the social aspects of standing around with their friends and lighting up. I started smoking because I wanted to kill myself.
It's the honest truth. When I was about 19, my aunt came to live with us. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's I watched this strong loving woman quickly slip away and become a mindless vegetable. At that point I thought "What's the point? Here's someone who has taken relatively good care of themselves and now they don't even recognize their family. God, I hope I die before that happens. I'd rather die from lung cancer than Alzheimer's."
And with that, I lit up. And smoked for 16 years. I never ever ever wanted to quit. Even when I realized the damage that I was doing to my body. Even when I would cough so hard that I would gag. Even when I would burn my fingers. Even when I would burn holes in my clothes. Even when I realized that I didn't want to die in my 30s. I never ever ever wanted to quit.
But I often wished that I had never started.
Smoking kept me employed at a dead end job for eight years. Many times I wanted to quit. Tell them all to take this job and shove it. And every time that thought crossed my mind a voice in my head said "How are you going to afford your cigarettes?"
I remember my wife suggested that we quit about 4 years ago. Just the mere thought of quitting made me break out into a cold sweat. I actually started to shake just thinking about quitting smoking. A few years later, we both tried Chantix. What a joke. The longest I ever made it was 6 days. But those were 6 of the most painful days of my life. I would smoke behind her back, at work, in my car. I would find excuses to leave the house and go for walks so that I could smoke. She made it a lot longer than I did. Then her grandmother died and she started up again.
About a year later, she informed me that she wanted to go to the doctor and get a psychical. She has a history of heart disease in her family and if there were any problems at all, we were both quitting. I was annoyed and resentful at the thought that I now had to submit to her will. I said nothing. She would bring it up periodically and I would just nod my head. I finally got fed up and started doing research on e-cigarettes. I had seen Green Smoke about a year earlier, but with such a hefty price tag, I knew it was out of the question. Then I found Blu and I ordered it. 5 weeks of bad luck prompted me to give up and order a Vapor King from V4L. I was smoke free from July 4 to July 30th. Then my wife left me and I had to move out of my house. I was depressed and borderline suicidal. I was so stressed that I sucked down 2 analogs on the 30th and 4 more on the 31st. I have now been smoke free since August 1st. After my wife left, I bought her her own kit. She's still on the analogs, but has cut down by using the PV. Ironic since she was the one who wanted to quit in the first place. My buddy and his wife who is her BFF have ordered their own as well, so hopefully they'll give each other a little push.
I've battled depression and anxiety most of my life. It's still a struggle but I have taken the first step by deciding that I no longer wanted to kill myself. I have ended an extremely self destructive cycle. And every day without an analog is a good day.
It's the honest truth. When I was about 19, my aunt came to live with us. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's I watched this strong loving woman quickly slip away and become a mindless vegetable. At that point I thought "What's the point? Here's someone who has taken relatively good care of themselves and now they don't even recognize their family. God, I hope I die before that happens. I'd rather die from lung cancer than Alzheimer's."
And with that, I lit up. And smoked for 16 years. I never ever ever wanted to quit. Even when I realized the damage that I was doing to my body. Even when I would cough so hard that I would gag. Even when I would burn my fingers. Even when I would burn holes in my clothes. Even when I realized that I didn't want to die in my 30s. I never ever ever wanted to quit.
But I often wished that I had never started.
Smoking kept me employed at a dead end job for eight years. Many times I wanted to quit. Tell them all to take this job and shove it. And every time that thought crossed my mind a voice in my head said "How are you going to afford your cigarettes?"
I remember my wife suggested that we quit about 4 years ago. Just the mere thought of quitting made me break out into a cold sweat. I actually started to shake just thinking about quitting smoking. A few years later, we both tried Chantix. What a joke. The longest I ever made it was 6 days. But those were 6 of the most painful days of my life. I would smoke behind her back, at work, in my car. I would find excuses to leave the house and go for walks so that I could smoke. She made it a lot longer than I did. Then her grandmother died and she started up again.
About a year later, she informed me that she wanted to go to the doctor and get a psychical. She has a history of heart disease in her family and if there were any problems at all, we were both quitting. I was annoyed and resentful at the thought that I now had to submit to her will. I said nothing. She would bring it up periodically and I would just nod my head. I finally got fed up and started doing research on e-cigarettes. I had seen Green Smoke about a year earlier, but with such a hefty price tag, I knew it was out of the question. Then I found Blu and I ordered it. 5 weeks of bad luck prompted me to give up and order a Vapor King from V4L. I was smoke free from July 4 to July 30th. Then my wife left me and I had to move out of my house. I was depressed and borderline suicidal. I was so stressed that I sucked down 2 analogs on the 30th and 4 more on the 31st. I have now been smoke free since August 1st. After my wife left, I bought her her own kit. She's still on the analogs, but has cut down by using the PV. Ironic since she was the one who wanted to quit in the first place. My buddy and his wife who is her BFF have ordered their own as well, so hopefully they'll give each other a little push.
I've battled depression and anxiety most of my life. It's still a struggle but I have taken the first step by deciding that I no longer wanted to kill myself. I have ended an extremely self destructive cycle. And every day without an analog is a good day.
