Feedback welcome

[cuse4ever]

pfffft i can't improve on something that is already spot-on. very nice job, clark!

 

[danibanani]

I think some people could take this the wrong way..
“Changes flavor profiles more frequently than a teenage drama queen changes clothes."

Rather ~suggest it is like a chameleon, constantly changing. I am sure a catchy line could be made with that in mind.

YES! Love it.

 

[Megan Kogijiki Ratchford]

• Crème Brûlée (CB) – 2^st Place, Bakery, Best of ECF 2013. Features our famous vanilla custard base with a shot of a “burnt sugar” note just like the crunchy top of a decadent Crème Brûlée desert. Mix 50% CLS with 50% CB to yield "Naki's Blend." PG/VG Ratio: 50/50

• Grandma’s Cinnamon Danish (GCD) – 3^rd Place, Bakery, Best of ECF 2013. Features a delectable medley of bakery-style cinnamon (not cinnamon oil), buttery Danish pastry, and creamy confectionery style icing. Add a dash (10%) of GCD to CLS, CB, or Frenilla for a sinful bakery treat. PG/VG Ratio: 50/50

My thoughts while reading.

 

[REDFISHIN]

Wakonda:
Holy S&!t!!! What are you waiting for, get you some.


Ok, may not be an improvement an Clark's description. I will work on it.

 

[Soignee]

I think some people could take this the wrong way..
“Changes flavor profiles more frequently than a teenage drama queen changes clothes."

Rather ~suggest it is like a chameleon, constantly changing. I am sure a catchy line could be made with that in mind.

I might add. The dynamic flavor profile is like a chameleon, constantly changing etc...

 

[Kent Brooks]

Betelgeuse - Like a swift kick in the taste buds. But with no pain or loss of dignity. Even guys can vape this stuff!

LOVE IT - added.

 

[Kent Brooks]

LOL, we got one of those in york... I'm guessing that you go to the, newer, Lancaster one?
EDIT: (yes, they are very poplular around here...I need to revisit them... and show off some NT


Clark, I like the menu.
IMO, everything sounds great...except Creme Brulee... I'd rather something like, "Taking carmel to the next level, CB promotes heatlhy teeth while your mouth feels the sweet" Or something more... thats all I got haha

Weak. Gimme the good stuff B4L!~

 

[Kent Brooks]

Pour an tall glass of milk.

*Pour a tall glass of milk.

I'm sure you would have caught that after re-reading

Noted - and changed. Thank you!!

 

[Kent Brooks]

one thing I did catch...in the description of Gravity, "some" say. That's subjective...who are some? Try rewording...our customers say or folks who have purchased this says...the vaping community...anything but "some"

Changed to "vertical customers" - get vertical.

 

[Kent Brooks]

I think the best of statements should be at the end. The description is more important than a ecf rating. I also think nicoticket has come to mean family, sounds better than nicoticket means family. The well intentioned steps doesn't really flow. - and invite you, maybe I or we invite you, not and. Instead of if you are a seasoned veteran, maybe, are you a seasoned veteran or to those who are seasoned veterans. . . . Welcome you to a new path. a path in which you can. . . Get rid of a lot of those ands. The first paragraph is a long run on sentence and I had to read it a couple of times to catch the tone of which you are trying to convey. I did not find that it flowed.

Wakonda, authentic bold dark roasted coffee.
The virus , changes profiles more frequently than a teenage drama queen should be first, it's catchy. Easy to read and interesting.
Got cookie, bring your own milk first, it's catchy, makes me more willing to read a long paragraph
Strawilla needs a one liner.
Beetlegeuse, the flavor that got us off the launchpad, mention that first, makes me interested to read more.

I like the one liners, so a couple juices are missing those.
I don't like the term atty, doesn't flow. And agree about some say, who is that? Some of the family say? . . .

That's my input. I like proof reading though!

Great feedback - implemented some of these changes - more to come.

 

[Snugglepooter]

/whine/

But what about us horizontal vapers...?

/end whine/

Smashing as always, Mr. Brooks!

 

[penguiness]

Hows that?

+1 This!

However, I would shorten Custard's Last Stand about General Custer:

"It's a shame General Custer never got a chance to enjoy this!"

All the rest of the edits zapped suggested I think are fantastic!

 

[Wolfenstark]

I found gravity to be true to its name as for me it pulls me towards a feeling of familiarity. That juicy sweet taste of peaches and tangerines with the zing added from pomegranate and the tartness of cranberries rounding out the experience. For me you can be pulled towards a flavour that dances around notes of fruit or just stay in orbit enjoying a ride in vaping pleasure.

Just my

 

[Kent Brooks]

I found gravity to be true to its name as for me it pulls me towards a feeling of familiarity. That juicy sweet taste of peaches and tangerines with the zing added from pomegranate and the tartness of cranberries rounding out the experience. For me you can be pulled towards a flavour that dances around notes of fruit or just stay in orbit enjoying a ride in vaping pleasure.

Just my

Gravity (GTY) – Ground control to Major Tom. You are feeling attracted to a delightful medley of juicy peaches and sweet tangerines orbiting around tart cranberries laced with pomegranate bazinga! Vertical customers say it tastes like a Baha Blasted Beverage that descended from the Mountain and landed in Taco Hell. Frequently used by space travelers as a "palate cleanser." PG/VG Ratio: 65/35

 

[Kent Brooks]

+1 This!

However, I would shorten Custard's Last Stand about General Custer:

"It's a shame General Custer never got a chance to enjoy this!"

All the rest of the edits zapped suggested I think are fantastic!

Custard’s Last Stand (CLS) – It's a shame General Custer never got a chance to enjoy this! It's thick; it’s creamy; it’s decadent; it’s vanilla custard. Made with a generous amount of our in-house vanilla extract, derived from from all-natural vanilla beans sourced in Madagascar. PG/VG Ratio: 50/50

 

[penguiness]

Custard’s Last Stand (CLS) – It's a shame General Custer never got a chance to enjoy this! It's thick; it’s creamy; it’s decadent; it’s vanilla custard. Made with a generous amount of our in-house vanilla extract, derived from from all-natural vanilla beans sourced in Madagascar. PG/VG Ratio: 50/50

I like that!

 

[Henry Etta]

• Strawnilla – Pairs Frenilla with a ripe "natural" strawberry - reminiscent of strawberry flavored milk. PG/VG Ratio: 50/50

Not sure if anyone else mentioned this, but I'd take the quotes off of "natural". When I read it, I see air quotes and wonder what you really mean by " natural ".
Kinda nitpicky, but that's all I got right now...

 

[penguiness]

• Strawnilla – Pairs Frenilla with a ripe "natural" strawberry - reminiscent of strawberry flavored milk. PG/VG Ratio: 50/50

Not sure if anyone else mentioned this, but I'd take the quotes off of "natural". When I read it, I see air quotes and wonder what you really mean by " natural ".
Kinda nitpicky, but that's all I got right now...

Maybe exchange "natural" for natural tasting

 

[ReigntheGamer]

Maybe exchange "natural" for natural tasting

Or just take it out, a ripe strawberry to me conveys natural all on it's own????? It makes me think of just buying strawberries washing them off and eating one.

 

[Marc411]

Or just take it out, a ripe strawberry to me conveys natural all on it's own????? It makes me think of just buying strawberries washing them off and eating one.

Yep, what Reign said!

I just got back into some from June, crazy good!