How many mistakes do I have to make before I do better?

Discussion in 'Switching' started by bluebelle, Mar 26, 2012.

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  1. bluebelle

    bluebelle Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    I started vaping the first time about 2 years ago. Made the switch from analogs to vaping exclusively after a few weeks. My vaping lasted about 5 weeks and then I fell off the vaping wagon gradually, one cigarette at a time graduating to a pack at a time. Became a full time smoker again and was until last November when I decided for my health and well being to try to become a vaper again.

    Been smoking since I was a teenager. 35+ years minus those few weeks. 1-2 PAD.

    I have felt the decrease in my lung capacity to the point I was becoming short of breath at times without much exertion. I had a terrible cough and chronic bronchitis. Cough so hard at times I missed part of television shows and had to put my phone on mute while talking to people so they wouldn't hear how bad I was. And yes, I was embarrassed too. I sounded awful. Felt pretty awful too.

    Finally, after a long tapering down period and withdrawal, even with vaping 24 mg, I succeeded in getting my first 24 hours, then 48, then a week and almost 10 days.

    My lungs feel so much better even after this short time, my deep cough is gone and I am not breathless anymore. I can smell again. I smell better.

    And I know the pitfalls. I started back to analogs one step at a time the last time. I am, I thought an intelligent person, I know I am an addict and thought I learned my lesson. I have been telling myself I can never have another cigarette. As the days progressed I also thought what a shame it would be to throw those analog free days away I fought with myself to gain.

    I can't blame stress, the fact that I live with an analog smoker, that my boss is an analog smoker who, believe it or not, smokes inside the office, or anything else. It is my fight and only I can win it or defeat myself. Was so proud of myself for doing this again.

    Then Sunday morning happened. And yes, it was not a good weekend. The analog smoker I live with is my adult daughter who is bi-polar and has the ensuing emotional problems that always circle her. She was not having a good weekend and seem to want to make sure I didn't have one either. But that is what my life is and I know smoking an analog will not improve the situation one iota.

    Got up Sunday morning, and there they were, her analogs on the coffee table. And well, you probably have guessed what happened. I lit one and smoked most of it. Why after all this time and knowing what I know from my last fall from vaping grace did I do that?

    I am so angry and ashamed of myself. On the positive side if there is one, I have not had another although to be honest, I have thought about it.

    I was going to change my signature to reflect my fall but so far have decided to mentally take one off the total analogs avoided. Looking at my banner and the total avoided adding up was an inspiration to me the last ten days, but perhaps I should set it back to yesterday, at least I will have 24 hours again as of this post.

    Will I never be completely free? How many times do I have to learn the same sorry lesson? Has this happened to anyone else?

    If for nothing else, thanks for letting me vent.
  2. markfm

    markfm PIF Moderator Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Always count the ones you didn't smoke, keep pressing on.

    For a hard craving point, it can be useful to keep a bit of "high test" around, a 30 - 36 mg/ml if you're using 24 mg/ml now. I got into DIY fairly early on, made something I call tob4 at those strengths just to fight off the couple of times a day when I wanted more. It's a very strong tobacco mix. Other people use some WTA (whole tobacco alkaloid) eliquid, see Aroma Ejuice, though it sounds like you may just be fighting off the initial withdrawal.

    Good luck, what happened to you is common.

    It does get better :)
  3. zoiDman

    zoiDman My -0^10 = Nothing at All ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Don't be too hard on Yourself.

    I think you would be Surprised just how hard it has been for some of us, Myself Included, to get off Analogs.

    The Past can't be Changed. All you can do is Learn from it. The Only thing you can Control is Today.

    You can get to where you want to be.

    BTW - Rant all you want. I know for me, it helped to know that there were Others who had been down the Exact same Road I had.
  4. bluebelle

    bluebelle Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Thanks markfm for the kind words. I

    have looked into the WTA but I really have my hesitations about it. Before yesterday, I was free of all the chemicals an analog contains for almost 10 days and was hoping that I would be free of my addiction to them except the nicotine. I did have a 36mg juice I used at first to ward off the cravings but that is way too high to really use. I was actually considering trying to drop down to 18 mg soon before yesterday's shameful incident. Looks like I will maintain at at least 24 mg but am thinking of maybe ordering a 30 mg juice today just in case. Not that my wallet needed another juice hit but it is better than my lungs taking another analog hit.

    The analog did make me dizzy a bit, sort of the feeling we all got when we first tried them, so I am hoping that my system is more accustomed to the slower nicotine delivery system of my pv.

    I am more disappointed in myself than anything else I guess. Really thought I was over the worst of it and had learned from my past mistakes.
  5. bluebelle

    bluebelle Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Thanks too Ziodman. I am sorry to hear you had a hard time of it too.

    I just posted here because I really can't discuss this with anyone who knows what it is like to try and give up a basically lifetime addiction to this habit.

    My steady has never smoked at all. I spoke with him about this second attempt and asked him not to do what he did the last time, which was to constantly ask me when I was going to give up vaping or why I wasn't vaping less after a week or two of being analog free. Told him that was counter productive and gave me another excuse to go back the last time, which I don't need. Not his fault, I am master or perhaps better yet, mistress of my own destiny and will not use him or anything else as an excuse for my mistakes. He has no clue how insidious this addiction is, and I am thankful for that for him.

    Not looking forward to telling him I fell yesterday at all.

    As I posted my adult daughter is an analog user and it makes it a bit harder I guess. I tried to get her to try vaping, but she is not really interested in it but has been as supportive as she can with her difficulties. She caught me smoking the analog too yesterday, which made it somehow worse for me.

    Thanks to ECF for a place for me to talk about this. Okay..a place to rant about this. :)
  6. zoiDman

    zoiDman My -0^10 = Nothing at All ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    I won't BS you.

    For a Lot of People, Quitting Analogs is going to be the Hardest thing they have Ever Done in their Life. But It can be done.

    I you Fall, you have to get back up and know Even doing one Analog is going to put you Right Back here you were before.

    You can make it. Just grit your teeth and go today Without a Analog.
  7. bluebelle

    bluebelle Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Yes I know what one analog means for me unfortunately. I cannot ever have one again because I will go back as much as I don't want to. Been there and did it before.

    That is what is so frustrating to me about yesterday. I know that even one spells doom to me and yet I still did it and yet again have made it harder for myself and could set myself up for failure like I experienced the last attempt I made. And after such tremendous progress the last 10 days I was enjoying.
  8. zoiDman

    zoiDman My -0^10 = Nothing at All ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    If you were going to Fall, Maybe it is Better that it happened now after 10 Days verses after 6 months or so. Nothing was Really Lost. Maybe just some Pride.

    Since you were able to go 10 Days before, you can Do it Again.

    Stock Up the Frig with Munchies. Drink a Lot of Water and Stay Busy with things you like to Do.

    You can Make it.
  9. bluebelle

    bluebelle Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    No good time to fall, but on the bright side of this rant, I have made over 24 hours since my latest disgrace yesterday.

    And yes, I will not smoke an analog today, I make that promise to myself now. Going to reset my signature banner and succeed this time fully and completely or die trying.

    You are right, I cannot change yesterday morning as much as I would love to, but I can start right now to try and appreciate my new progress and to also try to forgive myself.

    Thank you for your support and kind words.
  10. Riverboat

    Riverboat Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Really, Anologs..... Nasty tasting things..... I have been vaping for 2+ years and cant stand the Analogs anymore. A couple of months ago I forgot to change out my battery in my Mod so while at the Casino it died... Well I bumed a couple of Anologs... YUCK....... I was glad when I got home and put in a fresh battery...... Clean Vape again....
    I use 100% VG unflavored 36mg nicotine....... Try some, it really satifies that nic fix........
  11. Samyaza

    Samyaza Super Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    What type of e-cig are you using?

    I wasn't able to quit analogs completely without a decent pv. I managed to get down to 2 analogs a day, but until I got my ego and decent juices it was a terrible struggle for me.

    Once I did get the upgraded battery and decent juice (I did start at 36mg, but I am now down to 18mg/ 24 when really craving nic), I made the switch in under 1 week.

    It is still a little tricky, but I have 2 boxes of analogs here and haven't had one in almost 2 months, it can be done - good luck! <3
  12. zoiDman

    zoiDman My -0^10 = Nothing at All ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    This is the Attitude that will get you Where you want to go in Life.

    Right On.

    Please check back in and let us All know how you are Doing. Were All Hoping you Make It.
  13. bluebelle

    bluebelle Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    I just bought myself a new kit to celebrate my success and to make it easier for me. My Ego kit from my first attempt was now nearly 2 years old and I feel, not working up to capacity. It is an Ego type model, the Firefly, and I got a bigger battery this time a 900 mah vs the 650 mah I had previously. Also bought some new atomizers which I felt were a vast improvement.

    This has been so difficult for me and I did it by tapering down for weeks. I cannot have any cigarettes of my own because I know I will smoke them sooner or later. When I got down to one or two a day along with vaping for a week I decided it was now or never and did not buy another pack and recognize I cannot ever buy any again.

    Did ask my daughter to keep hers out of my reach from now on. She didn't seem to happy about that, but then again she wasn't a happy person this weekend. Had asked her previously to deny me if I weakened and asked her for one of hers and she agreed to that so hopefully she will keep them off that table and out of my reach. The less temptation the better.
  14. nansc

    nansc Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Hello and welcome.Don't be so hard on yourself ,it took me a long time,every time you get stressed it's such a habit to reach for a butt but it reallly will go away.Don't beat yourself up over it.I also live with a smoker so I know but it can be done.Good Luck.;)
  15. bluebelle

    bluebelle Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    You are lucky to feel that way Riverboat. While I recognize they are evil and potentially deadly things on an intellectual level, analogs still, on that addictive level, smell good to me and can have the effect of getting the addiction beast snapping again at me. Have staved him off until yesterday.

    And while the analog did burn my throat a bit and make me dizzy, not to mention guilty and heart broken, it still has some attraction to me on that addict level, as much as I do hate those things.

    But I am prepared to fight as I said, in no small part to the conversation here. Thanks for everyone's support.
  16. markfm

    markfm PIF Moderator Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    I expect that for every 1 person who just instantly took to vaping, there are many more of us who at least tried a cig after switching over. You end up just kind of toughing it out early, find that higher nic, or WTA, or really nice flavor, vape your head off for a minute, then pat yourself on your back for not smoking that one time. After a while you'll realize that you haven't hit one of those spots in some time.

    I vaped for about 4-1/2 months before letting myself try the sample cig, since I have an addictive nature. While I didn't have my head fall off, frankly it really did taste like crud compared to vaping. At that point I knew I was a vaper, no longer a smoker. A couple months later I went for my first VV mod -- I was successfully vaping, but did like the greater oomph of higher power (I had been using a passthrough as well as normal PVs previously).

    With the 900 mAh, you might want to also scoop up some Boge 2 ohm cartomizers, or possibly look for something called the 1.7 ohm Resurrector. I hear it's pretty popular, and particularly for craving points getting more power through lower resistance can be helpful.
  17. Vchick

    Vchick PIF Moderator Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Congrats on pushing through this, it will get easier in time and we're all here to support you!

    If you don't mind me asking, what kind of juice (flavor/ratio) are you using? It could just be that you're not satisfied with the taste, etc. Most of us have gone through this, I still do from time to time and it's frustrating.
  18. bluebelle

    bluebelle Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    I know the feeling of having juice not hit the spot. I have made sure I have a variety of flavors and switch up constantly to keep myself involved in vaping. And I have found some flavorful (for me) juices this time around, not as many as I would like but I think that is every vaper's lament at one time or another.

    I am considering getting some tobacco flavored juice today. Perhaps that would help. I have been avoiding that trying to break the tobacco cycle. Anything not to go back to analogs.
  19. bluebelle

    bluebelle Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    I have no idea how to use cartomisers or tanks.

    I kind of missed that vaporizer evolution when I fell of the vaping wagon the first time. Keep reading about loss of flavor and leaking issues. I have stuck to what I started out with, the cartridges and fiber filling. Figured I should not make it too complicated on myself getting back in the vaping swing as it were.
  20. ckone180

    ckone180 Super Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    I feel for you. These forums are like a support group in a way. I honestly don't know how it would've went without the community.

    As for reducing vaping quickly after quitting analogs, I thought I would too. Instead, I've embraced vaping as part of my life instead of analogs. I test new flavors and products as a way of removing the want for an analog.

    I wish you strength. I hope you continue the good fight! And let your steady know that you may need more time than he thought, and its not a bad thing. Vaping doesn't seem nearly as dangerous, and if actually good to experience the new flavors!
: nicquid, chase
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