On behalf of Big Tobacco (we care, we really do), Big Pharmaceuticals (we dont care, we dont have to) and all the corporate fatcats who stand to lose a few dollars of their bloated salaries because of e-cigs, I implore you all to toss your atties, dump your juice down the sink, make actual tea with your teabags and come home
come home to cigarettes.
10. Cigarettes dont have buttons. Pushing little buttons over and over again can lead to tendonitis or worse, carpel tunnel syndrome. How are you going to play through the next GTA, or beat your buds at Madden if your thumbs and fingers are all worn out? Even operating simple devices like nail clippers or a TV remote will become impossible through prolonged use of e-cigs. Are there buttons on your food? No. And there shouldn't be any on your cigarettes.
9. Cigarettes give you that distinctive aroma. One of the many problems with vaping is that theres no odor. Without the stench of cigarettes, mooching teenagers and homeless beggars wont smell you coming from ten blocks away and try and bum smokes from you. Think of all the new people you wont meet as a vaper. Youll die alone and miserable. Trust us. Weve fabricated studies that prove it will happen.
8. Cigarettes manage your money. Having extra cash in your pocket can only lead to bad things. Lets say, for example, that you use that surplus money to go on vacation to a foreign country and somebody mugs you for your passport. Youll have sustained physical and psychological damage, all of which could have been avoided if only you were still a smoker.
7. Cigarettes can cause erectile dysfunction. Say youre in a bar, having a few, when who walks in but Penicillin Penny. Your judgment has been compromised by all that alcohol. You go home with Penny, and the next thing you know, youre a poster-boy for free clinics, just because you could perform. Cigarettes can save you from that awful fate! (Note: For women reading #7, vaping also makes shoes cost twice as much. Its a fact. It says so in the Bible.)
6. Cigarettes dont use electricity. Accidental electrocution kills up to 500 people a year in the United States alone (not including electrocutions in Texas and Florida. Those aren't accidental.) Protect your health. Say no to electricity.
5. Cigarettes have filters. Lets face it, we live in a polluted world. In most industrialized nations air pollution quotients have reached hazardous levels. At least when youre smoking, youre breathing through a filter.
4. Cigarettes shorten your life. Seriously, why would you want to live longer? What are you hoping to see? Rocky XIII? I-Phones that fit under your thumbnail? Your grandchildren grow up? What for? Theyll never appreciate you. Living longer will just leave you bored and bitter.
3. Cigarettes make you go outside. Vaping can be done indoors, and since people are inherently lazy, without a compulsion to step outside, nobody does. People who stay inside can get cabin fever and sick-building syndrome. Stop endangering yourself. Put down the PV and pick up those cigarettes.
2. Cigarettes make your teeth go yellow. Yellows a great color. Its the color of sun, and gold, and pretty flowers. Without smoking, your teeth will get white again. White is the chosen color of the Klu Klux ...., and everybody knows theyre a bunch of ignorant racists. Do you want people to think youre an ignorant racist? Well, they will unless you return to smoking.
1. Cigarettes cause cancer. If you get cancer, you get chemotherapy and chemotherapy means you can legally buy medicinal Mary Jane. Studies (our studies) show that a single Mary Jane cigarette has the same tar as an entire pack of conventional cigarettes. That means you can cram your lungs with tar more efficiently. Think of the time you'll save! Tar: if its good enough for our highways, its good enough for you.
This has been a public service announcement from BT, BP, and BS.
Top Ten Reasons why Smoking is Better Than vaping
10. Cigarettes dont have buttons. Pushing little buttons over and over again can lead to tendonitis or worse, carpel tunnel syndrome. How are you going to play through the next GTA, or beat your buds at Madden if your thumbs and fingers are all worn out? Even operating simple devices like nail clippers or a TV remote will become impossible through prolonged use of e-cigs. Are there buttons on your food? No. And there shouldn't be any on your cigarettes.
9. Cigarettes give you that distinctive aroma. One of the many problems with vaping is that theres no odor. Without the stench of cigarettes, mooching teenagers and homeless beggars wont smell you coming from ten blocks away and try and bum smokes from you. Think of all the new people you wont meet as a vaper. Youll die alone and miserable. Trust us. Weve fabricated studies that prove it will happen.
8. Cigarettes manage your money. Having extra cash in your pocket can only lead to bad things. Lets say, for example, that you use that surplus money to go on vacation to a foreign country and somebody mugs you for your passport. Youll have sustained physical and psychological damage, all of which could have been avoided if only you were still a smoker.
7. Cigarettes can cause erectile dysfunction. Say youre in a bar, having a few, when who walks in but Penicillin Penny. Your judgment has been compromised by all that alcohol. You go home with Penny, and the next thing you know, youre a poster-boy for free clinics, just because you could perform. Cigarettes can save you from that awful fate! (Note: For women reading #7, vaping also makes shoes cost twice as much. Its a fact. It says so in the Bible.)
6. Cigarettes dont use electricity. Accidental electrocution kills up to 500 people a year in the United States alone (not including electrocutions in Texas and Florida. Those aren't accidental.) Protect your health. Say no to electricity.
5. Cigarettes have filters. Lets face it, we live in a polluted world. In most industrialized nations air pollution quotients have reached hazardous levels. At least when youre smoking, youre breathing through a filter.
4. Cigarettes shorten your life. Seriously, why would you want to live longer? What are you hoping to see? Rocky XIII? I-Phones that fit under your thumbnail? Your grandchildren grow up? What for? Theyll never appreciate you. Living longer will just leave you bored and bitter.
3. Cigarettes make you go outside. Vaping can be done indoors, and since people are inherently lazy, without a compulsion to step outside, nobody does. People who stay inside can get cabin fever and sick-building syndrome. Stop endangering yourself. Put down the PV and pick up those cigarettes.
2. Cigarettes make your teeth go yellow. Yellows a great color. Its the color of sun, and gold, and pretty flowers. Without smoking, your teeth will get white again. White is the chosen color of the Klu Klux ...., and everybody knows theyre a bunch of ignorant racists. Do you want people to think youre an ignorant racist? Well, they will unless you return to smoking.
1. Cigarettes cause cancer. If you get cancer, you get chemotherapy and chemotherapy means you can legally buy medicinal Mary Jane. Studies (our studies) show that a single Mary Jane cigarette has the same tar as an entire pack of conventional cigarettes. That means you can cram your lungs with tar more efficiently. Think of the time you'll save! Tar: if its good enough for our highways, its good enough for you.
This has been a public service announcement from BT, BP, and BS.
