A funny thing happened to me yesterday

[hildicat]

I have to preface this by stating I am not proud of my past and recent actions, but here goes anyways...

When I met my wife she new I was a smoker. We dated for 2 years and it was never a problem. Once we got married I decided I would quit, and was off cigs for about a month after our wedding. She and I were both proud that I had quit but eventually the need kicked in and I was back at it, in secret. I kept up this horrendous secret for almost 8 years. I was VERY careful to mask my cigarette odors with everything from Fritos to coffee grounds. I was successful in hiding my habit for the most part. About 2 or 3 times a year she would catch a whiff and I would blame it on a lunch time cigar with the boys at work. I finally had enough and about a year and a half ago I dumped the analogs for a Premium e-cig. It was a decent start to vaping, but I had not found ECF and all of the wonderful advice here, not to mention the wide variety of e-cig products available. Since I was smoking in secret this whole time I could not bring myself to tell the wife about my switch. Well I went back and forth between the analogs and the Premiums til finally in November of last year I got my first Ego kit. That quickly led to a few other products until I ultimately got my Reo Grand. So far, I cannot see myself going back to analogs. And one of the best parts for me is that I no longer have to worry about coming home smelling like an ash tray.

Well yesterday on my way home I vaped heavily in the car. Again this is a huge bonus for me cause I can vape all the way home and never have to worry about the stink. I got home and kissed my wife hello. She looked at me a little puzzled and said, 'gee, you smell like chocolate, and like mint.' I was floored! Suddenly I had all of these flashbacks of being caught in the act. At least this time I could blame it on my new guilty pleasure, York Peppermint Patties.

I know this will sound offensive to some, but I would love to hear if anyone else has similar stories.

 

[Vchick]

Welcome & congrats!

It's hard to believe now that we ever fooled anyone isn't it?

Keep up the good work!

 

[rustybikes]

Not offensive at all.. My first thought, though, is why not come clean with her? You could start with something like "Honey, there's something we need to talk about..." - that should get her attention.

Since you've nothing but good news, what would be so wrong about "being caught in the act" now?

 

[martinc]

Coming up clean with her might score some points too

 

[hildicat]

Not offensive at all.. My first thought, though, is why not come clean with her? You could start with something like "Honey, there's something we need to talk about..." - that should get her attention.

Since you've nothing but good news, what would be so wrong about "being caught in the act" now?

I agree, but I think its a trust thing. I am afraid that if she realizes that I have lied to her for so long she will never be able to trust me again. Also, even though she was okay with me smoking when we met, she has become VERY anti-smoking since, and I don't think she will accept this whole 'vaping' thing as anything different. Thats just a hunch on my part, but she is quite skeptical about these things.

 

[Stifle]

I did something very similar for a long time.

Most notably when I had kicked the habit for a few months with just an eGo. My currentl girlfriend at the time lived about an hour away so it was easy for me to smoke whenever I wanted, except for the couple days a week when we were together. Because of this, I was still feigning that I was only smoking the e-cig, and not just when I was around her.

Well, being as insidious as they are, eventually I was smoking on the way to and from her place, then finally...I was caught.

It got to the point where I was so broken up about it, that I started smoking more in front of her than I ever did before. It's funny how people's nagging about smoking tends to make you smoke more...

This is coupled with with the fact, that although I was a smoker for over 4 years, my parents did not know that I had ever started. I didn't see them all that often, but a trip home meant that I had to pack some latex gloves to cover my fingers an outer "smoking jacket" to cover my clothes and a small bottle of scope.

Needless to say, this became quite the operation, and at times it carried over with my GF.

While I ditched my GF, I must say that it really is nice to have my grand in my pocket and be able to vape away in peace without worrying about getting caught.

I haven't yet told my folks about it since it is so easy to vape when necessary and I really don't want to explain to them about my 4 year habit and then get into the "what is an e-cig and why is it safer?" conversation with them...

I struggle with the same kind of feelings of coming clean, but I am much happier knowing that I no longer have to sneak around like I once did.

 

[kabonk]

well you could tell her that you missed smoking and felt stressed out and instead of going back to it you tried e-cigs instead but you'll have to admit to being weak willed after 8 years of being smoke free (not) she might be supportive and you'll feel better not hiding it from her

 

[sweetmeat]

Wow, I can't believe you were able to hide it for eight years! No judgement here at all but it would probably lift a weight off your shoulders if you told her. I like Kabonks idea!

 

[hildicat]

Yup. Just like Stifle, no one in my family knows that I smoked.

And while agree that it would be a huge relief to be able to come clean with my wife, even using Kabonk's method would require me admitting that I gave into temptation once again. I just don't know how I would explain it to my wife after being 'clean' in her eyes for so many years.

You know, it was such a terribly horrible feeling. We would be watching tv together and one of those annoying stop-smoking ads would come on and she would look at me and tell me how proud she was that I quit. Then when a Chantix commercial would run she would say how strong I must have been to be able to quit cold turkey. I would just shrug it off and try to casually change the subject, but inside I would cringe at my horrible deception. I wish I could take it all back and just tell her the truth but that would mean I was living a lie for the nearly the entirety of our marriage and I just don't know how to deal with the possible ramifications of that.

Thanks to everyone for your kind and non-judgmental support.

 

[annah]

I hate to point this out.. But, if she was a non-smoker, I very highly doubt that she believed you all this time. Most non smokers that I know can pick up a cigarette odor *hours* after you smoked, even changing clothes, washing hands, brushing teeth, etc. More than likely, she just thought it was an occassional thing for you, but regardless, I'm sure she caught you more often than she let on.

I also vote for come clean, since I'm sure she knew, you will score more brownie points for admitting it, and showing her what you are doing instead.

 

[Stifle]

There are two issues here, and coming from a similar situation..I feel I can speak to this a bit more objectively than most.

1. Deception - It is a heavy weight to carry, especially when you get praised for something that isn't true. You were not unfaithful and you did not do anything to hurt her. In my eyes, you were doing something to hurt yourself and were ashamed that the grip of cigarettes were too strong for you to break.

In a marriage especially, we all try to be strong for the other person and admitting weakness is very difficult to do. People outside of the situation find it easy to say "come clean" but, my only advice is to do what you feel is correct. If you are making strides to make sure you are improving your health and conquer this demon then I would think you should be fine one way or the other.

If there comes a time when you are going to tell her, then you will know when that is right. But ultimately, her goal was for you to quit smoking. If you have done that, at least you can take solace in the fact that you are making steps to achieve the goal, albeit a few years later than she originally had thought.

2. The Nicotine addiction - Non-smokers never will truly understand the power those damn things have over you. It has become synonymous to associate smoking (or more correctly, the inability to stop smoking) with weakness. However, when have used the crutch for so long, it is extremely difficult to get yourself out from under it.

Admitting the power these things have over you, and the way they can make a totally rational person think irrationally is paramount to your success with vaping.

So, while the conversation with your wife would probably make you feel like you are admitting weakness, in fact it would actually involve admitting addiction. These are two entirely different things and should be treated as such.

Again, don't feel pressured to say anything that you don't want to do. I'm sure one day you will be able to tell her, but make sure you are smoke free first. Hopefully vape free at some point as well.

You only were dishonest because you cared how she felt about you, and she was only concerned because she cares about you as well.

Bottom line, make strides to improve your health with a Reo (I have a grand as well, kismet I think ). When you feel the time is right, or if you never do...ultimately your health is the primary concern here so keep up the good work.

 

[BloodWolf]

You'll be surprised at how wives can be forgiving if you're very sincere. I think it's efin awesome how determined you are at quitting the analogs. 2 thumbs up from the BloodWolf.

 

[kabonk]

you know this is along the same lines but different, my brother quit smoking about 10 years ago with the patch and about 3 or 4 years later he took it up again and never told my mother so when she would come over when me and my brother where hanging out and say stuff to me later like how can you have that ashtray sitting in front of him filled with butts don't you know how offensive that is to a non smoker and just nag me when it was his ashtray he just couldn't hide it fast enough when she walked in the door and she used to go on and on about why don't you quit like your brother did and how I shouldn't smoke in his house even if he said it was OK and I would just sit there thinking I have been there all week oh he's blaming me for reeking like cigarettes nice, I put up with that for 6 or 7 years keeping his secret listening to my mother nag me when all I had to do to get her off my back was say Greg's still smoking. he finally came clean with her when he was diagnosed with diabetes now he has to listen to her nag him about why don't you vape like your sister does finally the tables have turned.

 

[Murdock Ruml]

I have kind of the same story. I quite before the wedding. Mostly for her because I didnot want too. Well after being married for 2 years(tobacco freeT the whole time) I joined the military and got shipped off to Korea for a year where I of course started smoking. Once unreturned home I could not quite but did not want to tell her I started smoking again so I began dipping when I was around her and only smoking at work(the smell of desiel on my uniform over powered the smell of smoke). That continued for 5 years. Then I found e cigs, after I got my first e cig I stopped buying tobacco. It took me a week to finish all the tobacco I had left. Normal it would of been gone in 3 days.

Well it has been two years off tobacco and I am not sure I'd she knows that I vape. I have not brought it up because I am not sure how she will react. Things she has noticed though include me receiving more mail, and more money in the bank. I think I am waiting to get down to 0 nic juice to openly vape in front of her but I still forsee her saying "then why do you need it"

 

[swedishfish]

I hate to point this out.. But, if she was a non-smoker, I very highly doubt that she believed you all this time. Most non smokers that I know can pick up a cigarette odor *hours* after you smoked, even changing clothes, washing hands, brushing teeth, etc. More than likely, she just thought it was an occassional thing for you, but regardless, I'm sure she caught you more often than she let on.

I also vote for come clean, since I'm sure she knew, you will score more brownie points for admitting it, and showing her what you are doing instead.

This. She knows. How could she not? She probably figured the same thing I would- if she said anything, you'd just be open about it. If she didn't mention it, at least you didn't smoke around her.

Not a judgement call on either of you. I just suspect she knows.

 

[annah]

Wives know a lot more than their husbands think they do. My family never knew I smoked at all. Granted I haven't seen anyone in almost 5 years, but I was a full time smoker for 13 years, socially as a teenager before that. I was caught out, and denied it (as an adult, not a teenager) and I also know my non-smoking family didn't believe me, but pretended to go along with it. (kindof a "I know that you know that I know that you know") If you don't want to have to tell her, then don't. I just think that she would appreciate the honesty. More importantly, though you have to admit to lying, which you were, admitting to your deceit is more respectful to your wife than continuing a lie. (my perspective, as a wife who has been lied to). Obviously she knows that it is a powerful addiction if you were trying so hard to hide it. If it were me, I would probably be making comments at those stop smoking commercials as a way to open the lines of communication, hoping that my husband would admit it when I brought it up.

I'm not accusing you, or saying you are a bad person, just stating what seem like the facts to me, from the perspective of a wife. I obviously never admitted to my family that I smoked, but I don't see them, and don't have to. My parents are deceased, and it is noone elses business. IMO, one of the reason most smokers don't quit, is because they have to admit to the addiction. That was my #1 reason not to- because I felt weak. The idea of quitting made me panic, and I didn't want to admit to an addiction so strong that it could bring me to that point. Now I openly admit that the reason I vape is because I was too weak to quit cold turkey. I didn't think I could do it. So vaping makes me happy, without making me have to suffer.

 

[tearose50]

@ OP Thanks for your story. That's the first step toward telling your loved ones. And, you did quit smoking. Well done for vaping instead! You went back to using some nicotine. It's a BIG difference.

It also shows how much work we vapors have to do to keep Vaping from being equated with smoking. Who better to educate than our friends, family and work associates.

 

[Running Wolf]

the truth shall set you free.... will also cheese her off.

The truth is so much better when you fess up as soon as you f it up. Trust is not easily earned but it is easily shattered.

 

[hildicat]

the truth shall set you free.... will also cheese her off.

The truth is so much better when you fess up as soon as you f it up. Trust is not easily earned but it is easily shattered.

I tend to agree. I think for now I will just leave well enough alone.