Advice Needed: Un-Supportive Family

[Crazy Birdy Mom]

Friends I need some advice:

My mother thinks I spend too much time in my new 'hobby' and too much of my hubby's money...the hardest thing is dealing with her attitude (she's smoked for 40+ years) but hubby is supportive. I've spent about $150 in two weeks getting a eGo CTwist battery, Clearos, and juice.

I would like a mod due to my hands having RA and grip issues but I want to find exactly what I want first before I buy. I'm going to Vape Expo in Ann Arbor, MI to try new stuff and get some info on all the 'stuff' out there.

Honestly I feel better health wise and won't go back to smoking, but the stress dealing with all of this is driving me to drink (not really, its ice tea).

Thanks for your time in answering....

 

[thewrightstuff]

Birdy,

Any transition is tough, and people will always have their own "spin" on things, based on their own opinions, and not always based on the facts. Be true to yourself, polite and respectful to others (especially your mother), and as long as you know what you are doing is right for you, it should cause you less stress. Believe me, my wife is not "keen" on my vaping, she HATED my smoking and is one of those "you didn't really quit" people, but I have de-stressed myself and enjoy life a lot more!

Good Luck!!

 

[Crazy Birdy Mom]

Thanks Wright: I live in one side of the duplex she OWNES (we pay rent) and I HAVE to be nice to her,
but days like today, when she 'attacks' something positive in my life....it just makes me want to scream
which I can't do because if I do the Crazy Cockatoo SCREAMS too!

I am trying to get off anxiety meds but I may have to have that wait for a little while...

 

[murphyramone]

I think as long as your husband is suportive then you have nothing to worry about. The spending will curb (eventually) and you will find a set up you really like. The fact that you already feel better shuld tell you that you made the correct decision.

 

[BlueMoods]

Does she have a hobby? If so remind her that start up costs for any new hobby are a bit costly, but in the long run, your vaping hobby will cost less than smoking, and you feel it's healthier for you and, will give you a longer life with your husband, who does approve of it.

Odds are in a year she spends as much on whatever her hobby is and, more on smoking than you spend on vaping, and it is your smoking and your hobby combined.

 

[Crazy Birdy Mom]

Oh my yes she has HOBBIES galore....

Hubby is very supportive...he never liked me smoking in the first place

 

[danny4x4]

Yes, the initial outlay will be higher. But if you set a budget and stick to it, you'll be saving in the long term. But you MUST NOT chase after the perfect vape. Set a budget and stick to it.

Why don't you list out how much you have spent and projected spendings vs how much you would spend on cigarettes? Now, here's your trump card, at the end of the list, list down how much you would save on medical bills!

Tell her how sick you are of cigarettes and how sick they make you feel, but you can't quit immediately without vaping. I would also not gloss over the fact that vaping is still in its infancy, and that long term effects have not been fully studied. But as compared with cigarettes, it is the lesser of two evils.

Lastly, tell her how much healthier you feel and that you really really need her support. Make her feel she has a very important role to play in helping you quit cigarettes.

Good luck!

 

[Crazy Birdy Mom]

I will do that Danny...

She has no interest in quitting smoking herself so I guess I have to do this with only my hubby and vaping friends!!

 

[balwin]

My mother thinks I spend too much time in my new 'hobby' and too much of my hubby's money...the hardest thing is dealing with her attitude (she's smoked for 40+ years) but hubby is supportive. I've spent about $150 in two weeks getting a eGo CTwist battery, Clearos, and juice.

I wonder if your mom isn't a bit jealous that you are quitting and she isn't. It may be that having smoked 40 years, she is afraid to even try for fear of failing. It's possible that her irritation isn't so much with you but herself and she is taking it out on you...

 

[Crazy Birdy Mom]

I thought that too Balwin....I love the flavors and she won't even try the blu set up I bought and plan to re-sell to my friend if she does not want it....

I know she's jealous that I have been married to the same man for 20 years, he's supportive of this and all my other crazy stuff (like the crazy cockatoo who she won't even pet)

 

[danny4x4]

Oh, one very important thing to add , tell your mum that it's not primarily about your health, but other people's health. We all know what 2nd hand smoke does. Try to make her understand that it's not all about you, but rather, those around you.

 

[the_maiden_fair]

Try keeping a vape log. I used to keep one for the first year and a half. I figured how much I spent on ciggies a month, and that gave me a "credit" every month. I would "debit" every time I bought vape stuff. I evened out within a year, and was in the plus by $500 by the year and a half mark. It was just for my personal reference, but also a backup to prove to anyone who may have disapproved of my hobby. It mostly just reinforced the positive of my decision for myself.

Good luck with the dissidents! My favorite motto always comes to mind, don't argue with idiots, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience!

 

[glowplug]

Ya know, there are folks who still encourage me to take a drink even after knowing how much of a raging alcoholic I am. "Surely you can have just one! How about a beer, it isn't really alcohol!" On and on and on ad nauseum. I have also heard that I was addicted to those damn meetings and had just switched addictions. There will always be people who just don't get it, at best, and those who don't want to see you change or get better, at worst.

I get a bit angry when I read posts like yours. Why don't our family and friends just rejoice with us when we find a new and better way of life? I have some ideas but this isn't the place for my theorizing. Suffice it to say, I believe that change is difficult for everyone.

Your mom had a smoking buddy with you. I am sure it helped her rationalize her deadly habit of smoking. If you get better, where does that leave her? Makes her look, and probably feel, pretty self destructive for not getting on the band wagon. We all try to keep the status quo when we can. It is our comfort zone. Many of us strive for improvement in our lives. Many do not. There's the rub. I don't believe it makes me better than those who are comfortable with the way things are or frightened of changing. Just different.

Maybe it would help if you were to take vape breaks with her when she smokes. Meet her outside on the porch and share some "girl time" with her over a smoke/vape and a glass of iced tea. Let her know she still has you as her friend even if your nicotine delivery method has changed. You are still the same great daughter and will still spend time with her!

You can give her factual, accurate information about your vaping for days, but if she has an emotional problem with it for whatever reason, you just won't get anywhere until she is ready to "let" you be different. You know you are not "spending hubby's hard earned money" wastefully. You know you are doing something that is healthier and, eventually, will cost much less than smoking did. You know you are happier with this change. That is all that is important. Just be aware that some folks won't share your motivation to change and will not want to see you improve. She is the only mom you have and I know you want to maintain a good relationship. Refusing to discuss it when she says these things, changing the subject to something you know she can't resist discussing...these things might help maintain that relationship with out confrontation.

Good luck, vape on and be strong. You are doing great things for yourself and your family, whether some of them realize it or not!

Sorry. That was too long. I got on my soapbox.

 

[Fyreffect]

Your new hobby is healthier, and in the long run much less costly (if you don't have to have the latest/greatest mod every month or start a collection). Getting started required a little initial investment but long-term cost will be minimal compared to tobacco smokes.

The housing situation is unfortunate, because to me it appears shes using leverage from the living arrangements to continue "mothering" you, for lack of a better term, and not respecting your privacy or your decision to pursue an alternative to smoking.

She may not be aware of the benefits of vaping over smoking, but if she is and continues to harass you about it, it might be time to find a more independent living situation where her reach of authority can't extend.

 

[RoseB]

Just about everyone is a critic. My mom is one of the few who never criticized my vaporizing. Quite a few people ( in my experience) think it's probably to good to be true. Some folks just can't stand to see others succeed where they've failed. It's your choice, and you are an adult. Firmly stand your ground. You don't have to be mean or yell. Sorry you have all of the stress. Switching over from cigarettes is stressful enough.

 

[Crazy Birdy Mom]

Thank you all...

I've stopped crying and I've taken a break from dealing with her issues right now.

I know she's still mothering me and i try to stand up but you are right its hard when she is your landlord...

The thunderstorms here in my neck of the woods in Michigan have stopped for the moment, I'm going to go out and walk, which is HARD because I have RA and Fibromyagia, and diabetic and obesity...but damn it I need to get out of this chair!

Be back on later....my friends!