I grew up in a non-smoking home with two parents who were adamantly against smoking. My curiosity wasnt piqued by commercials or billboards (both still ran at the time), and I wasnt influenced by movies or television shows featuring smoking actors. I was completely attracted to the social side of it.
When I was in high school, smokers hung out together. It didnt matter what social group you were in -- if you were at a party, and someone wanted to go for a cigarette, they didnt care who kept them company. Knowing how to smoke was a door into the cool kids club. It allowed me to break the ice with people I would normally be too shy to talk to. It was through these 15-minute conversations that I got to know a lot people and was invited to every party. Sounds stupid, I know. But its true.
Even so, I didnt have my very own cigarettes until I was walking home one day from school and found half a pack. I kept them for ages before finally trying them out. From the day I did, I was hooked. I smoked while I was having fun. I smoked when I was upset. I smoked when I was angry, or frustrated, or bored. I smoked All. The. Time.
In the past few years, the habit that brought me into the social circle slowly started pushing me out of it. I met countless people -- complete strangers -- who would feel it was their right to jump in and tell me to quit. They would tell me how disgusting I was for doing it. They would rudely tell me to stop smoking if they were sitting within two metres of me. I went from someone who smoked with the crowd, to someone who left the crowd to smoke.
I have never quit for more than three days -- except when I was pregnant with my first son. Unfortunately, I would still have a cigarette if it pleased me then too. Amazing how such a dirty habit can completely take over and cause me to put myself before the most important thing in the world. I feel dirty and disgusting about it and if it brought him to harm, I would never forgive myself not that I would be able to anyway.
My husband and I would get in heated arguments about smoking when I started ramping up again after my sons birth. He made it very clear that it was a deal breaker. I felt cornered, ashamed and frustrated. How could I argue with him? He was right. I WAS doing harm to myself. I WAS probably harming my son by picking him up moments after smoking (like washing my hands was really effective.) But I was addicted. So addicted that even when I told him I quit, I still smoked behind his back. I lied to someone I love for this damn habit. I harmed an innocent baby for this habit.
Finally, the truth came out and we had a massive fight. I had no way of defending myself. I didnt feel like myself and he was treating me like a ...... addict. Like everything I said was irrelevant because it was the addiction speaking. He was probably right. He gave me three weeks to do some research and thats when I found e-cigarettes and this forum. It didn't take right away. I still smoked for a few days after I got my starter kit. But one day, the perfect storm hit. I went for a walk to the corner store to buy more cigarettes and forgot my ID (I'm 30, but ALWAYS get IDed). It was literally across the street. I could have easily gone home to get it. But I didn't. I still had a couple of cigarettes and figured I could vape if I really needed to. That, coupled with the right flavor and the right nic level and it was over. It all fell together and I realized how much better vaping was. I still have cigarettes in my bag with zero desire to touch them. I know this is going to work. I can tell.
It truly saved my life. Ive stopped short one month before I would have been smoking for half of my life. HALF of my life. That has to do some damage.
I was convinced it was hopeless. You know how sick it is? I was actually scared that I would be diagnosed with cancer because then someone would have a real reason to tell me I had to quit. I was scared of CANCER because I thought it would mean I would have to quit smoking. Not because I would die. Thats messed up.
E-cigarettes are still relatively new, but heres what I know: I KNOW I wouldnt have quit tobacco. I would have destroyed my family and everything I love for that stupid habit. The funny thing is now that Ive transitioned to e-cigs, I can see cutting down on them too. They showed me a way out. They bought me time to take it easy.
When I was in high school, smokers hung out together. It didnt matter what social group you were in -- if you were at a party, and someone wanted to go for a cigarette, they didnt care who kept them company. Knowing how to smoke was a door into the cool kids club. It allowed me to break the ice with people I would normally be too shy to talk to. It was through these 15-minute conversations that I got to know a lot people and was invited to every party. Sounds stupid, I know. But its true.
Even so, I didnt have my very own cigarettes until I was walking home one day from school and found half a pack. I kept them for ages before finally trying them out. From the day I did, I was hooked. I smoked while I was having fun. I smoked when I was upset. I smoked when I was angry, or frustrated, or bored. I smoked All. The. Time.
In the past few years, the habit that brought me into the social circle slowly started pushing me out of it. I met countless people -- complete strangers -- who would feel it was their right to jump in and tell me to quit. They would tell me how disgusting I was for doing it. They would rudely tell me to stop smoking if they were sitting within two metres of me. I went from someone who smoked with the crowd, to someone who left the crowd to smoke.
I have never quit for more than three days -- except when I was pregnant with my first son. Unfortunately, I would still have a cigarette if it pleased me then too. Amazing how such a dirty habit can completely take over and cause me to put myself before the most important thing in the world. I feel dirty and disgusting about it and if it brought him to harm, I would never forgive myself not that I would be able to anyway.
My husband and I would get in heated arguments about smoking when I started ramping up again after my sons birth. He made it very clear that it was a deal breaker. I felt cornered, ashamed and frustrated. How could I argue with him? He was right. I WAS doing harm to myself. I WAS probably harming my son by picking him up moments after smoking (like washing my hands was really effective.) But I was addicted. So addicted that even when I told him I quit, I still smoked behind his back. I lied to someone I love for this damn habit. I harmed an innocent baby for this habit.
Finally, the truth came out and we had a massive fight. I had no way of defending myself. I didnt feel like myself and he was treating me like a ...... addict. Like everything I said was irrelevant because it was the addiction speaking. He was probably right. He gave me three weeks to do some research and thats when I found e-cigarettes and this forum. It didn't take right away. I still smoked for a few days after I got my starter kit. But one day, the perfect storm hit. I went for a walk to the corner store to buy more cigarettes and forgot my ID (I'm 30, but ALWAYS get IDed). It was literally across the street. I could have easily gone home to get it. But I didn't. I still had a couple of cigarettes and figured I could vape if I really needed to. That, coupled with the right flavor and the right nic level and it was over. It all fell together and I realized how much better vaping was. I still have cigarettes in my bag with zero desire to touch them. I know this is going to work. I can tell.
It truly saved my life. Ive stopped short one month before I would have been smoking for half of my life. HALF of my life. That has to do some damage.
I was convinced it was hopeless. You know how sick it is? I was actually scared that I would be diagnosed with cancer because then someone would have a real reason to tell me I had to quit. I was scared of CANCER because I thought it would mean I would have to quit smoking. Not because I would die. Thats messed up.
E-cigarettes are still relatively new, but heres what I know: I KNOW I wouldnt have quit tobacco. I would have destroyed my family and everything I love for that stupid habit. The funny thing is now that Ive transitioned to e-cigs, I can see cutting down on them too. They showed me a way out. They bought me time to take it easy.
