Hey zero, hang in there man, we all have days like that.
I like the ink, I'm bare myself, but most of my close friends have lots. I'm friends with several artists, and I've talked them into hitting me with the gun a few time with no ink just so I could feel it. I'm not opposed to tats, I'm just incredibly indecisive about life long plans, usually I have to let life make them for me which really isn't the best. But I feel like I'm continually in a state of flux, on hopeful days I call it progress, on down days it's more like chaos though. Kinda like your chest piece. No matter how much I've thought about, and been begged by friends, I just can't commit to any permanent ink!
I will note, and I think you said something that made me think of this before, but this time it was the "to be honest I feel like that is my clutch in order to simply calm myself enough to...." comment. From what I've read, nicotine is not what gives us the relaxed feeling that tobacco does. Especially if you're still smoking somewhat regularly, your body still "needs" those other chemicals besides nicotine. For me it's usually WTA, but many here on the forum use snus. I was culturally opposed to snus for a while because I live in the south and don't much like rednecks who use dip and chewing tobacco. But I managed to convince myself that snus is European so it's totally anti-redneck, and have it in my repetoir when I need to chill. It helps considerably, feeling that relaxing feeling after just nicotine most days is kinda dramatic. And being spit free is work friendly.
I'll honestly offer up a different view on the work/social anxiety thing though. Fight it out and win. For much of my childhood and early adulthood years I was very anxious and nervous in social situations. Something as simple as buying gas would have me all worked up. What if I accidentally handed the cashier a $5 but said "$10 on pump 2". Or what if that's too curt, should I say "may I have $10 on pump 2 please"? No, that's too long winded... OK, I'll just leave out the please. 15 minutes later I finally get over worrying about what to say, go in the store, and sure enough I ask for $10 but hand over a $5. Then i had to worry about never going in that store again!
Anyway, point is, it really can get easier. Some of what helped me the most is the "fake it till you make it" approach, which it also sounds like you're doing to. The social anxiety is an inner thing, most others don't notice it, right? I specifically remember one night at a fancy restaurant, I was out of my league with a girl and her friends, well anyway, one of her friends had a bit too much to drink and was very open. He actually said to me something to the effect of "How do you just come in here with all of us new people, so relaxed and confident? I could never do that, I'm way too anxious. Hell, I only hang out with these people because I've known them since kindergarten, but you just walk right in, talk to anybody completely relaxed and cool, how do you do it? Aren't you the slightest bit nervous at all?" I was shocked, because in my eyes I was a wreck, saying stupid things, not making sense and knew I was making a fool of myself with it.
That was the night I realized that I wasn't alone in how nervous and anxious I felt, and the way out was to NOT act like the dude who kept to his comfort zone, but to keep challenging mine. Expand your comfort zone and you'll just have more places to retreat to. Shrink it and you might be comfortable more often, but you'll have no sanctuary when you are having a tough time. So I wouldn't change the line of work just for social anxiety problems, and if you do, find another way to challenge yourself. The real problem isn't the industry you're in, it's just that you're at the bottom of it, and Sh it rolls downhill.
If you don't know a lot of tattoo artists, let me tell you that is a good line of work to be in. I know several well, and meet many as they travel through, also know a couple piercers. Pay is great, work is flexible, you get social, technical, and creative satisfaction. In most areas the apprenticeship is long and sucks bad. But that's the ropes of that industry I guess, I've heard of a school I think in Michigan that at least some shops will accept instead of an apprenticeship but I don't think there are many of those around.
Anyway man, suck down that ry4, and write some more songs. Nothing can make up for a ..... work day than to excel at the things we love. Don't sweat the smokes too much, you didn't learn to play guitar in a few weeks, did you? Bet you probably had some setbacks along the way too? Make the long-term trend forward, and few steps back along the way just don't matter.
