Converting the most difficult Smoker of them ALL!

[stols001]

Man, this morning the husband staggered out of the bedroom.... Into the study, where he is hiding from me.

LOL, first time it has happened, and apparently he smoked through all that tobacco (2 cartons worth) rather fast, because the only tobacco I have found in the house of late has been some (very elderly) cigars.

I'm trying to be nice... Like, yesterday, I told him to just fill his backup tank to the brim with WTA and vape it when things get awful.

Yesterday, he was like a bear caught in a foot trap, this morning he seems meek... and worn out.... I'm amused, and thinking back to what *I* may have looked like as I "transitioned." I think being as sick as I was sort of, uh, settled my mood....

I hope it continues (the quitting behavior, not the rest of it) so cross your fingers for him. Although I seem to have "stamped out" my stress cigarettes, period, yesterday was super stressful when dealing with the 8 year old (I am convinced one reverts to the mental state one was in, prior to cigarettes, at least during detox) in a fiery, adult rage, well, it will be worth it if he actually quits.

I am afraid that in the past, when the husband had "attempted" a quit, there are times I told him he should smoke because his acts were intolerable, but that was cold turkey. This time, I am telling him he better NOT come home with more tobacco supplies (I don't care if he falls of the wagon here and there, that's a bit normal) because I can only deal with this "quit" once.

But, cross your fingers for me, for the husband. If he gets to vaping alone, it will be quite miraculous. And so far... very quiet this morning.

Here's hoping though!

Anna

 

[WillyZee]

he'll get there... just needs some time.

 

[Rossum]

During the last of my cold turkey attempts a bunch of years ago, my wife (a never smoker) told me: "If you wanna stay married, you need to start smoking again!"

After that, I gave up on even trying to quit. When I started vaping, I didn't intend to quit either, I just wanted to see if I could use it to cut back some on my smoking. Well, cut back I did, from two PAD right down to zero in under a week.

But people are different and I think we need to accept that vaping does not work for everyone.

 

[miteret]

Anna, we're pulling for you! I still smoke an occasional cigar when I feel the cravings. Don't inhale, and it's a fix for the need to taste smoke. Just a thought. Best of luck.

 

[stols001]

Oh, I am quite sure the husband will creatively obtain tobacco if he needs it. I was actually surprised his attempt to stop dual using is actually working. But, since the WTA suggestion (I didn't know what else to suggest since he was ALREADY using it in his vape) he seems rather chipper and has even emerged from the study/cave to tell me salient political "facts." So glad I got the air purifier since one of the best things ever for me with vaping was the ability to vape inside... Oh gosh, ESPECIALLY in the summers, LOL.... The husband seems to be using the same approach.

Thanks for all the well-wishes, I hope he is ultimately successful, but it's certainly WAY easier when he's vaping than those awful cold turkey attempts. I did ask him last night if he would prefer to "detox" alone (I could easily pack up and stay with the kid for a week) but he was highly offended at the suggestion, and my "abandoning him" in his "time of need." I just figured... Less irritants... But it seems to me that if he needs to blow off steam and be irritated, I should be just as good a target as anyone else. And I plan on NOT telling him to smoke, no matter how bad it gets. That was really wrong of me, although when you get to the point of THROWING stuff in a cold turkey attempt, well, that does tell me that "cold turkey' was no the approach required. LOL. So, provided nothing gets hurled, well, I can visit the kid if needed but I will NEVER tell him to smoke. Not this time around, this is the most successful he's GOTTEN yet.

Anna

 

[Baditude]

You know that I'm pulling for both you and your husband, Anna.

I agree with Rossum, vaping doesn't work for everyone. Some smokers are so physically/emotionally/mentally dependent upon cigarettes that they do not believe they can quit.

Perhaps the better goal here would be to just attempt to cut down the smoking and dual using. As we often say here, "It's not how many cigarettes that you smoked today that is important, its how many you DIDN'T smoke that is."

You might suggest that he try my method of smoking HALF of a cigarette when experiencing a strong tobacco craving. Save the second half for the next strong craving. Before long, those half spent cigs begin to taste pretty bad and they become less desirable. No lighting up a fresh cig until the half spent cig is gone.

It might be benefitual if you can get him to agree to smoke only outside, but he can vape all he wants inside. No smoking in the car might be another one.

No amount of nagging is going to help, I'm sure you are aware. Offer positive reinforcement during periods of success, but maybe remain silent when he falls off the wagon. I'm sure he already feels bad enough as it is.

I've always believed that one has to REALLY want to quit to be successful, and perhaps he hasn't reached that state of mind yet.

 

[r77r7r]

Gl Anna. I've been crossing my fingers for him since you planned this b4 CMas. Sounds like he's giving it a good shot.

 

[RainSong]

It’s taken a year and a half to get my husband to mostly vaping. He still smokes when he goes out with the boys, running directly into the shower when he gets home because he knows the smell repulses me. I wish he wouldn't but he’s a big boy so I keep it to myself. Good luck and fortitude to both of you!

 

[oplholik]

Anna, have you tried to get him interested in joining ecf, and getting involved with the discussions and members here, or is he the type that would not do this?

 

[stols001]

No, I think he really wants to quit. I don't think he's smoking, based on how he's behaving. I don't say much either way just give the occasional suggestion. I think he really wants to and he's tried ever other method of tapering down, but at some point, one has to just switch, and I think he wants to, so I'm not too stressed about it. I also think if he needs to smoke the occasional cigarette, he will.

But, everyone has to go through detox at some point, I actually think it is his "time." Detox, vs. the occasional cigarette during/after/whatever, well that's up to him. I don't much care to know about it, but I am pleased he is making the attempt.

And yes, he was a smoker from a young age, and I honestly think part of his dependency is more mental, but that's true of everyone. I do think he is making a valiant attempt, and I don't care if he smokes on occasion during it, but I'm not going to tell him how/when to smoke. He's been steadily vaping and smoking less, I think, at least over the past week or so. I'm just going to let him get on with it, however he chooses to do so. But, he seemed more and more ready to me, so I guess I'll see. I know he has a pipe and pipe tobacco around, so if he uses that on occasion, well, then he does.

Anna

 

[stols001]

No, @oplholik , forums and the internet are not his thing. I think it would be nice, but I doubt that he would. LOL.

Anna

 

[stols001]

The husband had his first post-prandial vape, LOL. I instructed him to bring it with him into the bedroom.... And apparently THAT fixes everything, he's all chipper and even "made" me a special screwdriver for the doggystyle. I have it out (the tank) and um, please no double entendres but I may try building it this afternoon. After yoga.

Go husband, though, as far as mood. I will "accept" today's mood and see what happens next. LOL.

Anna

 

[Rossum]

post-prandial

I had to look that up! I was expecting it mean something different than it does!

 

[90VG]

I think you'd know if he was smoking. I shook a friend's hand a few days ago who is a smoker (he wasn't smoking right then). When I got home, went back to work on the computer and my left-hand fingers smelled funny. (I had to shake with left, the right hand was full of stuff from the store.) I was thinking to myself, why does my hand stink? I finally figured it out, he smokes, and not with that hand either.

Well, this is getting close to 3 years without smoking for me, and I can smell a cig from about a mile away.

 

[stols001]

Oh, I'll probably know. I have noticed in the past. I just called him a "quitter" and he actually looked happy, not like someone who had something to hide. Then he complained about his throat hurting, and I offered him my special chamomile/honey/lemon tea, and then it was all "quit mothering me." LOL.

Anna

 

[Storm52]

Sun has gone down, how is the evening progressing?

 

[stols001]

So far, so good. If he smoked his pipe, it was after I was asleep. LOL. But, I guess we'll see what the morning brings. LOL.

Anna

 

[NeonH1]

When I quit smoking cigarettes about 4 months ago, I was stricken with horrible insomnia that ended up being a pretty severe case of depression and anxiety. Vaping didn't work for me at that time, so I started smoking cigarettes again. All of the heavy sleeping pills the doctor prescribed didn't work... but Mitazapine did after I completed the loading cycle. After I started sleeping better, I started the dual use of vaping/smoking... and eventually I just sort of stopped smoking. I might have the odd ciggie, but I generally find, I don't enjoy them as much as vaping.

For me, I'm 100% sure it was the mirtazapine combined with vaping that allowed me to stop.

I'm no doctor, but I'm thinking the reason I had trouble switching previously, is I was clinically depressed and my body needed the cheap anti-depressants that are present in tobacco smoke... so the nicotine wasn't enough.

When I started taking anti-depressants, I didn't need the ones in tobacco, so switching to vaping was very easy.

 

[stols001]

Yeah, that isn't going to happen with the husband. I'm just hoping WTA keeps him going enough. He is so not into pharmacuticals. I think he is having some insomnia, but he's trying to power through it. Quitting can be so frustrating!

Anna

 

[Zutankhamun]

I instructed him to bring it with him into the bedroom.... And apparently THAT fixes everything, he's all chipper and even "made" me a special screwdriver for the doggystyle.

How about a lovely looking, cool (generally expensive) pipe mod so he can feel like a real boss.
I wish I was able to pull off a pipe mod and a flat cap but I’ll hit that when I’m 50/60 yo.

best of luck to you