"Dad Jokes"

[Sir Kadly]

Groan

Rod Serling once pitched an idea for a show where people would walk around at sunset telling Dad jokes. He wanted to call it The Twilight Groan.

 

[bobsyeruncle]

Dad buying fake Christmas tree.

Cashier: ‘Are you going to put it up yourself?’

Dad: ‘Don’t be disgusting... I’m going to put it up in the living room.’

 

[bobsyeruncle]

I hate those people who knock on your door and say you need to get ‘saved’ or else you will ‘burn.’ Stupid firemen.

 

[Sir Kadly]

Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

 

[bobsyeruncle]

I love my furniture. My recliner and I go way back.

 

[DavidOck]

 

[Sir Kadly]

 

[bobsyeruncle]

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 

[bobsyeruncle]

 

[bobsyeruncle]

 

[somdcomputerguy]

Time flies like an arrow.

A fly said to another, "You know, time's fun when you're having flies.".

 

[DavidOck]

Uh, it was the frog who said that....

 

[bobsyeruncle]

What do you call a cow with two legs: lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs: ground beef.
Yep, really milking the cow jokes today...

 

[DavidOck]

I have a joke about a broken clock but it’s not the right time.

 

[bobsyeruncle]

Checking for the groan button.... Nope? Good to go.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.

 

[Sir Kadly]

I told my family that I didn't want any leftovers sent home with me at Thanksgiving.
When they asked me why I replied "Because I quit cold turkey"

 

[somdcomputerguy]

Yep, really milking the cow jokes today...

 

[somdcomputerguy]

Checking for the groan button.... Nope? Good to go.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

Next some peanut is gonna crack some joke about Klingons around Uranus..

 

[bobsyeruncle]

Related:

 

[bobsyeruncle]

I was walking through a cemetery early one day when I noticed a man crouched behind a headstone.

I said, "Morning."

He replied, "Nope. Just taking a dump."