Did I do something bad here?
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What a fascinating thread...
I'd give my opinion, but I don't have and never have had any kids.
So my opinion would probably be full of crap.
ah, but you were a child (right?)
boundaries keep kids safe and teach children and help them to become responsible people. no one said boundaries are just to keep kids alive - or did they?
and maybe it's just me, but if I am eating out (for instance) and there are kids running amuck and wild, believe me, I want someone to control them and set boundaries! as you said, none of this is directed at your parenting skills so please dont take my meaning wrong. these are my views
my parents punished and educated. for example, by punishing us, we learned (educated) that if we broke rules (laws) we would be punished, even as adults. as teenagers we got the long boring lectures as our main punishment , but even so, we remember many of those lectures. I was ready for the world and I'm sorry you weren't!
Well, you asked, so I'll answer...
I grew up with my mother after my parents divorced when I was 5 years old.
And she controlled me by somehow convincing me that disappointing her was emotionally painful to both of us.
She was emotionally pained when I did "wrong" things.
And I was emotionally pained when she was emotionally pained.
I think that "bond" of caring how my mother felt was stronger than many other forms of "discipline" for the most part.
But at the same time, it eventually proved insufficient when my independent nature came out.
In the end, it's all probably a crapshoot that depends on your parent's methods and personality, your personality, and your life experiences.
No one can get it right without a lot of luck and/or a big fat belt to whoop you with.
And the whooping probably doesn't work so well either, but I wouldn't know about that.
But then again, I have no children, so my opinions are probably full of crap.
Punishment doent always work. I tried it all. Positive reinforcement, grounding, timeouts, extra chores, spanking, pushups, soap, hot sauce, even paddling. Not all child respond to it. Some children fight against it. I got my son a shrink and counselor. You what what they say? Let him learn the hard way. I honestly dot know weather it was harder for him or me. The ER got to know use well. Child services was at my house on a yearly bases!
My daughter on the other had was his polar opposite. She excepted her limits. He simply wouldn't from as soon as he could walk (I had to leach this kid). As a parent do what works with the kid to get the desired behavior. If you can.
My daughter on the other had was his polar opposite. She excepted her limits. He simply wouldn't from as soon as he could walk (I had to leach this kid). As a parent do what works with the kid to get the desired behavior. If you can.
IMHO the biggest disservice you can do to a child beside having no rules, is to make rules and then tell them "Because!" when they ask why a rule is in place to begin with. You have to make sure they understand why the rule is in place and make it hit home with them. Tie it to real world examples. In other words teach them morals not just just rules.
I personally take it a step further and pre-define the consequences of breaking a rule (so it is more like the laws we have) and make sure that is understood as well. So when a rule is broken and the punishment phase begins there are no surprises for the child and I don't have to make something up on the fly when I am mad. I also make sure my child understands what the rule was, how she broke it, and that she has to take responsibility for her actions.
Am I doing it right? Hell if I know. I am just winging it myself. I'll let you know how she turns out 20-30 years from now.
I personally take it a step further and pre-define the consequences of breaking a rule (so it is more like the laws we have) and make sure that is understood as well. So when a rule is broken and the punishment phase begins there are no surprises for the child and I don't have to make something up on the fly when I am mad. I also make sure my child understands what the rule was, how she broke it, and that she has to take responsibility for her actions.
Am I doing it right? Hell if I know. I am just winging it myself. I'll let you know how she turns out 20-30 years from now.
I'm all about spanking kids! lol.. No but seriously. When they are so young that they dont understand words, or even have a good grasp on emotions, all they have is fear and pain. You spank your kids simply so they learn that the action they they just took, caused them pain and hopefully they get that they arent supposed to do that. Your body gives you the sensation of pain to tell you that something is either wrong, or had a negative impact on your body. Its there to keep you from doing it again. Spanking is the same principle. However. When spanking goes wrong is when parents use it as a fear tactic and it becomes a punishment instead of a learning experience.
You could argue that the punishment IS a learning experience. But as you age you become more resistant to different things. Pain being one of them. You are smart enough to know, I got spanked because Dad is ...... at me, you either A) Dont piss dad off or B) Learn to accept it and find that it isnt so bad.
While every child is different. So is the outcome of a 1 track form of discipline. IMHO you need to evolve your tactics as a parent to match that of your child. It doesn't matter if its fair, it doesnt matter if "thats how my dad did it". All that matters is that you are getting the job done. I know parents that felt like they were doing it right because their kid cried when punished/spanked... But those kids were also usually up to no good and went to greater lengths to hide things so they didnt get in trouble. I was one of them.
You have to do what's actually right for the child. My daughter hates spankings. So I never have to do it to her, i let it be known that if she gets in trouble that could be her punishment. And she's really well behaved. If she gets in trouble the punishment is time-out in the corner. But she has learned to respect me as her dad and doesnt want to get in trouble.
My son on the other hand. Spanking does nothing to him but make him sad. But he goes right back to what he was doing before and gets in trouble again. TBH I havent figured out the best way to discipline him yet. Usually I just have to correct his actions by giving him something else to do. Or in some cases pick him up and set him in a chair in a different room.... blah blah blah.
So anyway. I hope I'm getting the point across. Child discipline is not black and white and its NOT based on tradition. It's based on the how the individual child learns. But it does need to be done. Those that don't punish kids because they think it makes them bad parents or they dont want to make a kid cry and just pamper them through life, is the reason why we have some of the .......ly and belligerent kids we have today.
Spare the rod and spoil the child...
You could argue that the punishment IS a learning experience. But as you age you become more resistant to different things. Pain being one of them. You are smart enough to know, I got spanked because Dad is ...... at me, you either A) Dont piss dad off or B) Learn to accept it and find that it isnt so bad.
While every child is different. So is the outcome of a 1 track form of discipline. IMHO you need to evolve your tactics as a parent to match that of your child. It doesn't matter if its fair, it doesnt matter if "thats how my dad did it". All that matters is that you are getting the job done. I know parents that felt like they were doing it right because their kid cried when punished/spanked... But those kids were also usually up to no good and went to greater lengths to hide things so they didnt get in trouble. I was one of them.
You have to do what's actually right for the child. My daughter hates spankings. So I never have to do it to her, i let it be known that if she gets in trouble that could be her punishment. And she's really well behaved. If she gets in trouble the punishment is time-out in the corner. But she has learned to respect me as her dad and doesnt want to get in trouble.
My son on the other hand. Spanking does nothing to him but make him sad. But he goes right back to what he was doing before and gets in trouble again. TBH I havent figured out the best way to discipline him yet. Usually I just have to correct his actions by giving him something else to do. Or in some cases pick him up and set him in a chair in a different room.... blah blah blah.
So anyway. I hope I'm getting the point across. Child discipline is not black and white and its NOT based on tradition. It's based on the how the individual child learns. But it does need to be done. Those that don't punish kids because they think it makes them bad parents or they dont want to make a kid cry and just pamper them through life, is the reason why we have some of the .......ly and belligerent kids we have today.
Spare the rod and spoil the child...
and in this case, some just need to learn for themselves. I bet that was hard to go through but I'm glad everything turned out well : )
he will get bored quickly and move on to the something else you don't want him to do 
What kind of fish?
I'm thinking Mahi Mahi would be good.
Captain Crunch used to rip the roof of my mouth to shreds.
Didn't stop me from eating it though.
Did the same thing to my mouth, stuck to all my teeth too, but I loved it. My inlaws had a fish fry one time and coated their fish with it. Bluegills, Crappie and Bass. They ground it up into a powder and added it to their traditional breading. It was surprisingly good. Mahi Mahi would be great with it.... ;-)~
he will get bored quickly and move on to the something else you don't want him to do
lol right? thus is my life.
would you like to talk about this Eric? *passes you tissues*I read that in the voice of Lilith lolz.
It certainly is! There is no factory instructions with kids. You take one at a time, get to know what makes them tick and encourage their talents. Wipe their bums, feed them, clothe them, nurse them, talk with them and instill your values in them, wipe their tears, hug them a lot... You don't know if you're doing it right until they become self-actualized adults, at that point you can pat yourself in the back for a job well done. LOL
I do vape in front of my kids, why the hell wouldn't I? I smoked in front of them for their whole lives. The teenager is disdainful, but glad I'm cutting back on the cigs. The 5 year old is curious, always watching, wants to touch but knows she can't, and loves me to blow clouds for her to run through.
The oldest one used to eat out of the ashtray as a toddler. No amount of punishment made her stay away from it, put in a high place she would climb to it. Finally I decided she would get sick from it and that would be the end of it. Yeah, it pretty much was. Natural consequences are sometimes the hardest ones. She also ate crayons, glue, and assorted Polly Pocket rubber clothes. Yum!
The youngest one is the precocious one in our family. Natural consequences don't even seem to phase her! She'll fall off something high up, cry, come running to me for comfort, then an hour later she's climbing again. I predict lots of ER visits in her life, but somehow she's been lucky. Redirection is the ONLY thing I can do with her to make her stop doing something dangerous or downright annoying. By the way, that plastic flute? Broke it the first day she had it, NEVER AGAIN. Ear splitting decibels, I tell you.
I did want to chime in on the spanking conversation, as a child who was punished corporally, it never really taught me anything other than "better not get caught" rather than "better not do this at all" which is what my parents intended. Small children don't understand that they are being hit as a direct result of something they did, they have already forgotten about it by the time the swat comes. I do use spanking and will continue to do so if something dangerous is being played with, like a kitchen knife. Otherwise it's taking away privileges and giving more chores, the worst punishment ever!
The oldest one used to eat out of the ashtray as a toddler. No amount of punishment made her stay away from it, put in a high place she would climb to it. Finally I decided she would get sick from it and that would be the end of it. Yeah, it pretty much was. Natural consequences are sometimes the hardest ones. She also ate crayons, glue, and assorted Polly Pocket rubber clothes. Yum!
The youngest one is the precocious one in our family. Natural consequences don't even seem to phase her! She'll fall off something high up, cry, come running to me for comfort, then an hour later she's climbing again. I predict lots of ER visits in her life, but somehow she's been lucky. Redirection is the ONLY thing I can do with her to make her stop doing something dangerous or downright annoying. By the way, that plastic flute? Broke it the first day she had it, NEVER AGAIN. Ear splitting decibels, I tell you.
I did want to chime in on the spanking conversation, as a child who was punished corporally, it never really taught me anything other than "better not get caught" rather than "better not do this at all" which is what my parents intended. Small children don't understand that they are being hit as a direct result of something they did, they have already forgotten about it by the time the swat comes. I do use spanking and will continue to do so if something dangerous is being played with, like a kitchen knife. Otherwise it's taking away privileges and giving more chores, the worst punishment ever!
Did I do something bad here?
If ya felt da need to ask, then yes!
I'll spare ya my commentary...
If ya felt da need to ask, then yes!
I'll spare ya my commentary...
Did I do something bad here?
If ya felt da need to ask, then yes!
I'll spare ya my commentary...
Rofl well said. Best comment thus far.
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