For those left behind.

[Mary Kay]

I have found that when a person dies that it is far from over for those of us left behind.
Mom left an ironclad will..the problem is that what she left ME was the copy..with no clue as to where the original is! Now it's in probate, meaning because property in another county is involved that I had to get a lawyer. He is about the same age as Doogie Houser!
It's not too bad because I am her only living heir. My sister passed 23 years ago..but Mom who has every other paper known to man doesn't seem to have her death certificate! I had to provide Grandma and Grandpa's SS#...why? Doesn't the government already know that?
I am really amazed they didn't need her divorce papers or dad's death certificate! this is truly frustrating.
I had to locate her grave plots and wait 4 days for somebody to get back to me. Then I find out I have a choice, pay someone from a funeral home in Tampa $600.00 to dig a 1 1/2 foot wide by 3 foot deep hole or do it ourselves! And please save the grass to replace after you fill it in. What is it a divot? Please!
Then there is insurence, she had one that is playing games with us, they won't tell us how much they owe us and when in this decade they might pay it out. I need to buy her headstone. Then her Civil Service people (she worked on a Military base) sent us a booklet to fill out. Things like fill out 1 through 4 if you are related, but 5 through7 if you are deceased. But if you are the representive then fill out 9 through 12! So what happened to 8? total craziness. Then they might tell us if they owe us anything or not.
The lawyer has done all the court stuff for me and has been very nice, but he's a lawyer..he has to be!
What do people do when it's a spouse or a child and they just can't cope! This should be so hard on those left behind!To say I am frustrated is putting it mildly. This whole thing is a nightmare of paperwork and head banging.
This shouldn't be so hard!

 

[beckah54]

Been there, MK, and I feel your pain. Too much to handle on top of the grieving proocess. All you can do is take it one day at a time and lean on anyone you can for support.

 

[Jules22871]

MaryKay, I am so sorry you are having to go thru all this. When my mother was killed we had to go thru all that too plus we had to go thru a wrongful death lawsuit against the city she lived in. It drug out for over 4 years. Every court appearance was like rubbing salt in the wound. It ended up breaking me and my sister up. We haven't talked in over a year now. If you need a shoulder you know how to get a hold of me.

 

[Kate51]

What a nightmare! Would have been easier had there not been a will...and yes! the govm't would know where to find you if she owed taxes....
Walter's daughter died a little over three years ago from cancer. She had a ten-year-old, was living with his father, in a house in her name, her sig. other didn't want his ex-wife to have any claim to it....she owed quite a bit on credit cards. Her SO could not even check with the bank to see what her checking account balance was. It took him four months just to find a lawyer who could work with him. Then almost two years just to gather all things together. He had to re-buy his own house, even though it is technically their son's house! We found out Wisconsin had no common-law since about 1921. Funeral and burial was a shared expense for all of us.
So, give the thing some time, if your Mom has always lived in Florida all of that should be filed somewhere....hope you have a pre-set arrangement with the attorney.
For your sister there is certainly a death certificate, would be in the county where she died. The $600 for burial seems a little unreal, since she already had her plots. Perpetual care should be included in the plot cost, not in the burial. In Wi. it's that way, maybe not there. They do that here because some plots are never used.
Good time to remind all about having things in order and where everyone knows where it is. That reminds me.......we have so work to do as well.
You're right, this shouldn't be so hard. A copy of a will isn't binding, but if the original can't be found, then what. Makes no sense. Sorry, my post is no help at all, but please do keep us posted. Through your fingers into cyber space, may give you some comfort...

 

[Mary Kay]

The lawyer was very up front, he listed what he thought the costs would be and why. Good kid. The will well may be filed somewhere..but where? It's probably sitting in some lawyer's safe who died 20 years ago.
The Judge awarded me representative for Mom's estate with no problem. The lawyer sent for my sister's death certificate so that's done. The property goes to me no matter what because I am her only heir..it's just that we are in 2 different counties and she died in mine, not hers. (both in Florida)
The plot was paid for by my grandparents in the 40's and given to mom in the 60's. The problem is because she is creamated..the funeral home is up here. To have some other funeral home dig the tiny hole for us would have cost $600.00 that's just stupid! My son will go out ahead of us and do it.

One of the things that has really made me mad is mom's Dr. he took care of mom for a year or so before she died. The hospital she went to wasn't on his list of hopitals he worked for. he never called or checked in any way to see how she was or what happened. He knew she was taken to the hospital because I asked his nurse to send all mom's records to them.

We are working through all this garbage..day by day, Mom's happy where she is in my living room in a pretty wooden box Mike bought for her ashes. She's still keeping tabs on me.

 

[Kate51]

I think she's getting a kick out of it! Have you 'seen' her?

I saw my Mom, after. (A dream?) She smiled at me. I was crying crying trying to give her some oxygen tubes cause she needed them, and she just smiled and waved her hand 'no'. So I guess that meant she's just fine.

 

[Mary Kay]

No! I went through that for a year with my sister, dreaming of her everynight and thinking I saw her everyday! Somebody would turn a corner and from the corner of my eye I would think it was her. But she died in an accident and I never got to say goodbye or view her, Mom was different. We knew it was coming and I saw her 12 hours before she passed.
I take it as a good thing that she moved on and didn't linger.

 

[Kamanjah]

My heart goes out to you, Mary Kay. I'm just shaking my head at what you're dealing with. Too, too much!

Best,
K

_____________

 

[AngeLsLuv]

Mary Kay, The first thing.. That certainly is a mess and it seems like your Lawyer, whether being a kid and nice seeems to be not diong all of his job.. To get a death certificate, all you need to do is go to Where to Write for Vital Records - Homepage
to get information for death, birth, divorce, marriage certificates by clicking on the state, they will show you how to get it.. but then you can contact the city and you can get it to..

A site to explain stuff like this is here:

We Know: How to Get a Copy of a Death Certificate

you are experiencing the Internet and you just search for this stuff and it tells you where to get all of this stuff.. Everything is online now... I got the record of my Great Grandmother landing on Elise Island when she was four years old in 1894 online....

Just search like:
How do I _____Fill in the blank____

The lawyer and his assistant should actually be doing all of this for you, not you doing it...

The one thing I don't understand is "How could your mother have her own death certificate"???

All the paper work with the army is so typical... Just put a srcatch line on the numbered questions you don't need to fill out so they can not "add" to it to rip you off... Do everything in pen too... Guess you don't need to do an 8 since they probably forgot the 8th question and just poped the 8 in to confuse anyone filling it out... Screw 'em if they can't take a joke...

Breathe Sweetie... We are here for you and you are a blessing to us here.... Do this stuff slowly and don't get your head wrapped up in it.... Take a break when you need it....

And don't forget... You got the net now... It makes it alot easier... Maybe I could help if you need it?? Just email me...

 

[Mary Kay]

The death certificate we were looking for was my sister's not my mom's. I just thought it odd she didn't have one in her paperwork.
Everything is done that can be done. The headstone was purchased yesterday and we will have a little ceremony at the gravesite next month.
I had both mom's and my sisters dates put on the headstone so my sister has a marker too. The insurance's are done and all the legal stuff is done. All we are waiting for is the 3 month search for creditors be to finished so the property can be put in my name and the estate closed.
We did find several accidental insurances..she died of natural causes, so they are moot. But one did request we send in a claim..who knows!

 

[AngeLsLuv]

The death certificate we were looking for was my sister's not my mom's. I just thought it odd she didn't have one in her paperwork.
Everything is done that can be done. The headstone was purchased yesterday and we will have a little ceremony at the gravesite next month.
I had both mom's and my sisters dates put on the headstone so my sister has a marker too. The insurance's are done and all the legal stuff is done. All we are waiting for is the 3 month search for creditors be to finished so the property can be put in my name and the estate closed.
We did find several accidental insurances..she died of natural causes, so they are moot. But one did request we send in a claim..who knows!

Hi Mary Kay,

Well you are done with it good.. Too much stress sucks..

3 Months???

They Take Their Time Don't They???


You know growing up and looking at what my family had to do when someone died.. I thought you just had the wake, sevice, cemetary, and got drunk and ate alot of stuff at a party.. Booze was available to the young folks in my family, no one cared or watched what we did anyway...

Oh and Lots of Valuim for the old ones and alot of dope and acid for those who were younger

I'm actually happy I am too poor to have any insurance or anything and when my mother and step father die they don't have anything.. I'll probably be responsible for their untimely debts, but hey, I will be homeless so they can't get money out of a rock.. None of us can truely afford to live anymore anyway.. Screw those who already have alot of money that they stole from us though the years.. I'm not paying anything anymore..

And These Electronic Cigarette Companiys Who Don't Make Products That Work Can Go To Hell Too.. Customer Service Sucks From Some Of The Bigger E-Cig Companiys, Yet Goddess Forbid We Say Anything Even On This Forum To Complian, While People Can Attack The Smaller Companys On This Forum And Get Away With It... I am Fed Up!!!!

 

[Mary Kay]

Angel, yes I am almost done..it's been a strange journey to be sure. Who decided that all this legal stuff had to be such a long drawn out pain?

Sounds like you have some issues with the suppliers. Why can't you camplain..that's waht the general e-smoking forum is for..or outside. Rant til your heart is content! As long as you present your case with out caryring on like a nut..you should be fine. Just don't start defaming anyone personally and keep the cussing to a minimum. I can't see that a post that presents your side in a well thought out reasonable manner would be flamed.

 

[AngeLsLuv]

Angel, yes I am almost done..it's been a strange journey to be sure. Who decided that all this legal stuff had to be such a long drawn out pain?

Sounds like you have some issues with the suppliers. Why can't you camplain..that's waht the general e-smoking forum is for..or outside. Rant til your heart is content! As long as you present your case with out caryring on like a nut..you should be fine. Just don't start defaming anyone personally and keep the cussing to a minimum. I can't see that a post that presents your side in a well thought out reasonable manner would be flamed.

Hi MaryKay,

I'm still stunned that all your legal hassles would need to be done.. I mean when someone close dies, you would think that it would be customary to let people heal and to hell with all the paperwork...

The problem with alot that is going on in the forum is simple.. There are some companies that are favored and Goddess forbid you have trouble with them, and that you want to air your laundry out on the forum about.. I took the steps to keep it out of the forum and until I "went off" in this thread about it, I've maintained the higher-side as far as I am concerned.. I've yet to attack anyone or broguht it up other than my rant in this post... I did find out that I dd get a reply "on my open ticket" about my stick problem, but that's another thing.. You would think that if you need to open a ticket and try to get something done with a broken product, then they do reply- you would be notified by email that they actually replied... I would have never known they answered my "open ticket" if I didn't go onto their site to open another ticket about it, to find an answer... Are we suposed to spend over $75 for a prioduct and then go onto their site and refresh every so many minutes until they decide to reply to you (like you have nothing better to do with your time?)... Apparently I will receive a replacement in the mail and I need to send back the broken one.. that is great, but my last order of a product from them took just 2 days.. Let's see how long this delivery takes *LOL*

Anyway, my rants are done...

How's your sugar???

(((((((((((((((((Hugeroos)))))))))))))))))))

 

[Mary Kay]

I still can't get my sugar below 100 in the morning except on the odd day..105 to 120 is my norm. But I am staying below 150 at night with NO problems! Last night after a normal dinner and a snack I was only 123 at 11pm! I am not going to worry about it.
The few times I have been higher at night was when I ate dinner close to 7 or 8pm.
Glad your problems with your device have been resolved. But I still say NO Supplier is sacrosanct! If you are tee'd off..then say so in their forum or the E-cig general or outside. When suppiers start thinking they are untouchable is when service to the customer goes out the window. We pay thier bills..they don't pay ours.

 

[AngeLsLuv]

I still can't get my sugar below 100 in the morning except on the odd day..105 to 120 is my norm. But I am staying below 150 at night with NO problems! Last night after a normal dinner and a snack I was only 123 at 11pm! I am not going to worry about it.
The few times I have been higher at night was when I ate dinner close to 7 or 8pm.
Glad your problems with your device have been resolved. But I still say NO Supplier is sacrosanct! If you are tee'd off..then say so in their forum or the E-cig general or outside. When suppiers start thinking they are untouchable is when service to the customer goes out the window. We pay thier bills..they don't pay ours.

Hi MaryKay,

First off, Why would you want to get your blood sugar below 100 when it is normal?? To aim at a 120 blood sugar is what you need to do.. If you go under 100 you will possibly drop below 70 and have an insulin reaction or worse (insulin shock)... So don't do it!!!

A 150 after dinner is not that bad, just don't go to sleep without a snack below 100.. you've got to aim at 120 but if you sleep like I do, I tend to go deep even though with RSD I do not go into REM so I don't dream.. If I go into a deep sleep I will not wake up during an insulin reaction and go into shock...

Just as long as you try to keep your blood sugar under 200 you are fine and your A1C's will be alright.. Remember, You cannot be perfect.. Won't happen and if anyone claims it, they are lying *LOL*

According to what you've mentioned, you are doing really good, so don't worry about it other than this fix on your thinking you need to be under 100.. If your doctor tries to tell you to do that, get another doctor...

As far as my stick, it's still not settled.. They said they were sending me a replacement and that I would get it and send the one I have back.. That was a week ago and it hasn't shown up yet... The last order I did with them was the 510 adapter and I got it in 2 days, so taking a week to get this replacement is screwed up....

At present they are waiting for a shipment and lets see how long it takes for them to send me the new one... I am hoping that this settles soon since I adore my Stick... I would have bought another Mod, but as I've said on the forum before, some really look like they belong in a Gynocologist office *LOL*

I just have the feeling now that I am spending so much money on all this that I am now wondering why I just didn't continue smoking analogs since it was easier and I got the taste I wanted.. I always bought my ciggies online through one company and if I didn't order online I called them.. They were great and I pretty much knew how much I would spend for 5 cartons a month (1 spare).. I do have a carton and 1/2 left, plus a Hookah and Shisha, so now I am so stressed I have been using the e-ciggies, analogs, and the hookah... I'm confused and just have to figure all this out.. but don't mind me... I get $474 a month and have to share expenses with my parents to live in an apartment set up downstairs from them.. This is getting rough, plus everyone is saying on here to stock up on everything because of the Pact Act 2009.. Well I can't.. I found a site that tells you how to make liquid nicotine that I posted somewhere on the forum.. Problem with the directions is that it doesn't say how many mg's it totals... If the Pact Act 2009 goes through, I'm afraid I will overdose if I try to make my own, and I cannot drive 3 hours to get to the nearest e-ciggie company that I know about... i've been smoking non-stop since 1977-1978... I need cafine and nicotine.. aaaauuuggghhh!!!!

I too wouldn't think any company is "sacrosanct"- ified on the forum but I'm not the only one complaining about how some are... There are a number of people in here complaining.... I hate complaining about any company, especially because these companys for e-ciggies have been pretty much the best companys I have dealt with online since 1995.....

OK... Talk about a novel *LOL*

 

[Mary Kay]

We buried Mom's ashes today. She is next to her parents and near the rest of her family going back to her great grandmother born in 1835. My space is right next to them. My 3 cousins came from Miss., D.C. and North Fl. My children and grandchildren were there. We took pictures of all the surounding headstones..but Mom's hasn't arrived yet. That's another trip down to tampa to take pictures when it gets put in place. The picture is of my Mom and Little sister back in the 50's.

 

[AngeLsLuv]

We buried Mom's ashes today. She is next to her parents and near the rest of her family going back to her great grandmother born in 1835. My space is right next to them. My 3 cousins came from Miss., D.C. and North Fl. My children and grandchildren were there. We took pictures of all the surounding headstones..but Mom's hasn't arrived yet. That's another trip down to tampa to take pictures when it gets put in place. The picture is of my Mom and Little sister back in the 50's.

Hi MaryKay,

I'm glad you've gotten through all of this.. You've had a rough patch and I applaude you on your fortitude...

BTW: Nice picture and flowers

Don't ever stop being you....

 

[Mary Kay]

Thanks Angel. I am glad that part is done. All Mom wanted was for us to gather at the gravesite and make sure she was laid to rest in her plot. I gave my cousin a Bible passage to read and we all traded stories. I had a chance to share family history with my grandchildren and answer some questions about their roots.
here's the passage we read.

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.
ecclesiastes 3:1-8

 

[AngeLsLuv]

Thanks Angel. I am glad that part is done. All Mom wanted was for us to gather at the gravesite and make sure she was laid to rest in her plot. I gave my cousin a Bible passage to read and we all traded stories. I had a chance to share family history with my grandchildren and answer some questions about their roots.
here's the passage we read.

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.
ecclesiastes 3:1-8

That's a nice way to go to the other-side... From my family's experiences, when someone wants special requests when they pass over, the family never follows them at all and does what they want.. My mother, step-father, and I have cut ties with the rest of the family members left, so we don't have to deal with them anymore (long story).. This way, we can do what we want and know that when it's time to cross, our requests will be abided by... If I passed, the "other" family members would never have listened to what I've wanted for years and buried me at the family plot, along with having the Catholic mass.. If that occured I would have haunted all of them until they crossed, and once they passed over, I would scream at them for infinity... All I want is to be cremated, and for whomever to watch one of my favorite Todd Rundgren DVD's and smoke a joint while watching it... As far as a mass or anything.. Nope...

I'm really happy that you listened to your mother and did what she wanted you to do..

 

[Mary Kay]

It's done! Finally..or I should all but her last tax filing.. Mike turned that in for us yesterday. The tax lady said she would call us about any extra paperwork that was needed.
Mom's house was put in my name and I had the lawyer refile it in both Mike's and my name. That covers us both in case of death. My daughter is renting from us. I hope that the house prices go back up soon so we can sell here and move back to Tampa. I really don't want to live in my old home..but it's paid for and would cost less to revamp then a new house with a morgage would.
The good thing about that is that I would be near my family and my friends again No more long trips to go home.
We went out to the gravesite last month when Mom's headstone finally arrived. It was cold and rainy but worth the trip to see everything in place.