God does have a sense of humor

[Mud Pie]

When I was in Marine boot, we had to do War Game training. This was before the Corps became PC and renamed everything; hand to hand combat is now Marine Martial Arts, War Game is now The Crucible, etc... But I digress...

As I scored pretty well in phase testing, so in our War Games, I was assigned Fire Team Leader and had to take 3 guys to a place on a map without saying a word, everything was hand signals so the enemy couldn't hear you. It was my job to get them there quickly, quietly and safely.

About an hour in, boredom set in. We were deep in the woods of Parris Island. I hung my M16A1 around my neck like a guitar, turned facing my guys and mocked The Who, "Out here in the fields, I fight for my meals !". Before my guys could laugh, a DI burst from the bushes letting loose the longest string of hyphenated curse words you've ever heard. I actually jumped, he surprised me so much.

I had to do push ups, wearing my loaded ALICE pack, my rifle lying beneath me, and as I went down, the DI would step on my pack, pushing my chest onto my rifle. He kept yelling, "Keep singing, Elvis !!", but my teenage mind kept thinking, "The Who, not Elvis...".

I'll never know how many push ups I did. Later on I asked my guys, they said they lost count.

A few days later during a nightly medical inspection, a different DI asked where I got all the black bruises on my chest. In dedicated Marine fashion I yelled, "Marine Corps training, SIR !!"

He let out a slight smile then made a right face.

 

[BostLabs]

LOL! Ahh Mud Pie, you were one of them Strong Marines right? I was too, but for a different reason. I was over weight. I didn't have a chance to screw up because, mainly, I didn't have the free time. LOL!

 

[daleron]

BostLabs! Where is my story???
I had to go to bed without my nite nite story

 

[Mud Pie]

LOL! Ahh Mud Pie, you were one of them Strong Marines right? I was too, but for a different reason. I was over weight. I didn't have a chance to screw up because, mainly, I didn't have the free time. LOL!

Actually, I was quite the opposite....when I enlisted I was 5' 6" and weighed 124 lbs.. I was put on "double rats" in the chow hall !! Now, for those that do not know the lingo, "double rats" means double rations. Which means twice the amount of food everyone else was eating.

No biggie, right ? You have to remember a few things. First, we're talking about Marine Corps chow hall food. Not the tastiest, no matter how hungry you are. Second, recruits file into the chow hall in size order; tallest to the smallest. Being I was one of Uncle Sam's "Marching Midgets" (no offense to anyone, but that's what we were called), I was near the end of the line. Third, you are done eating as soon as the Senior Drill Instructor stood up from his table. Of course, he began eating first. You did NOT waste Marine Corp food; you ate EVERY scrap. If you didn't finish, you did side-straddle hops or push-ups "until the Senior DI begins to sweat" (as he stood under a shade tree, smoking a cig). Nine times out of ten, you ended up looking at your just consumed chow drying on the grass....

So now you get the picture. I'm at the end of the line, I get double rats, and I had to be done eating when the Senior DI was. So for those three months of boot, I learned how to shovel that food down my pie-hole as quick as I could.

But, right before graduation I weighed 152 lbs, and not ONE ounce of fat !!

 

[DaveP]

Misery has to be forcing large quantities of food down on a hot day right before calisthenics.

 

[daleron]

LOL Mud Pie, that actually sounds kind of painful!
What a way to "bulk up" huh

 

[BostLabs]

I have been remiss in my duties it seems.

Home Improvement (there are a couple of dogs in it)

I have been remodeling my home for years. It taken years because life interferes and it is just me and my lovely wife doing this. I had to take an extensive break once due to colon cancer. Boy that sure was fun!

Any way, my Father was a 20+ year Journeyman Plumber. Some of that has rubbed off on me and I had tried my hand at it by being a helper for him and a few other plumbers. I finally decided that it wasn't' for me and continued to search for my niche. But I can do plumbing, it just takes longer than a normal plumber.

The month is February. Even in Phoenix, Arizona, it is cold in February at night and the morning.

So we have a front hose bib (outside faucet) that had been on the house since the house was made in 1977. It was pretty much useless now and the house didn't have a water supply shut off anywhere except at the street. So I decided to replace it. So I shut off the water and cut the line from the house. gathered my parts and soldered cooper fittings to the pipe and added the new shut off value and the new hose bib. turned on the water... I had a leak.

Now you cannot solder cooper fittings when there is water in the line. The water spreads the heat out from your torch and won't allow the pipe to get hot enough to melt the solder so you can join the pipes. I went to the street to turn off the water and see if I could disconnect the line from the meter. I took one look at the meter connection and knew I wasn't going to touch it. The fitting looked like it was part of the meter so I knew if I attempted to loosen it the meter would snap off from the other side. (It did just that several years later when professional plumbers replaced the entire water line while they were replacing our sewer line.)

So, long story short I drained the lines as best as I could and decided I needed a hotter torch and some silver solder. Home Depot had closed for the night so we were stuck with no water over night.

So in order to flush the toilets I would run out to our pool with a bucket and bring back a full load to dump down the stool to cause it to flush. Over night my wife and I had used the toilet a lot so it was QUITE ready to be flushed the next morning. As I had gotten up first and used the toilet I certainly noticed this (whew!!!!). So I grab my bucket and head for the back yard. The dogs, I think we had 5 at the time, went with me.

I sleep in the buff. As I wanted to make this a quick run and didn't bother putting anything on. We have a tall cinder block wall around the backyard so I was in no danger of anyone seeing me. Add to the fact that it was 6:30 am on a Sunday morning. So I hit the back door.

I mentioned that it gets cold in Phoenix in February right? Let me tell you it was most certainly COLD! So I'm not messing around. I'm going to do a quick scoop, get a good half bucket and get back inside. As I bend over to dip the bucket I feel like I'm slightly over balancing so try to correct. I may have just pulled it off IF one of the dogs hadn't brushed behind me. OH SHHHH-KER SPLASH!

The water temp was probably above freezing... Probably. I come up out of the water with a yell and start moving,. very quickly, toward the stairs. My outer body parts are trying to migrate to inside body parts. I'm wading to the stairs as quickly as I can, shivering and shaking and holding my EMPTY BUCKET over my head. I realize this at just the last moment and scoop a bucket full and dash inside the house.

By this time my wife had woken up, discovered what was going on by my blue skin color and was laughing her .... off. by the end of the day I had that water leak fixed cause I sure was not going to enter the week like that. BRRRRRRRRRRR!

None of the dogs fessed up on just who gave me a friendly 'push'.

 

[daleron]

8-o



Oh! I near busted a gut Bost! Hubby's asleep & I had to TRY to hold the laughter in

Oh me...sigh Thank you!

 

[BostLabs]

8-o



Oh! I near busted a gut Bost! Hubby's asleep & I had to TRY to hold the laughter in

Oh me...sigh Thank you!

You are welcome.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before. I don't make this stuff up. This is my life.

God must have fun with me so I figure if I can laugh at myself I should share it as well.

Which reminds me. Say God, in my next life, if I have one, can I be a less klutzy person that time? Thanks!

 

[daleron]

You are welcome.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before. I don't make this stuff up. This is my life.

Hahahahahaha ... breathe ... hahahahaha ... ROFL ... I know! That's why it's soooooo funny

 

[DaveP]

BostLabs wrote: Now you cannot solder cooper fittings when there is water in the line. The water spreads the heat out from your torch and won't allow the pipe to get hot enough to melt the solder so you can join the pipes.

I had that same problem once. I called my Dad, who was an HVAC contractor. He told me to wad up some balls of white bread (minus the crust) and stuff them up the line in each direction, dry the water out of the line with a towel, and solder. It worked like a charm. I was trying to solder in a low spot on some hard copper. When you turn the water back on and fill the pipes, the bread turns into a slush and comes right out of the faucet. You just have to unscrew the strainer from the end of the nearest faucet so that the liquified bread can exit. Run the water for a couple of minutes to make sure the pipes are cleared of soggy bread.

 

[daleron]

I had that same problem once. I called my Dad, who was an HVAC contractor. He told me to wad up some balls of white bread and stuff them up the line in each direction, dry the water out of the line with a towel, and solder. It worked like a charm. I was trying to solder in a low spot on some hard copper. When you turn the water back on and fill the pipes, the bread turns into a slush and comes right out of the faucet.

Hey BostLabs! Did ya' see this?!?

 

[AngieBaby]

Of course he does. He created the Platypus.

My thoughts exactly!

 

[HauntedMyst]

LOL! Ahh Mud Pie, you were one of them Strong Marines right? I was too, but for a different reason. I was over weight. I didn't have a chance to screw up because, mainly, I didn't have the free time. LOL!

You guys were lucky! I tried out for the Navy Seals but they said my fear of the water (along with an inability to swim) would keep me out of their elite ranks.

After that crushing blow, I decided to take a stab at animal husbandry. I thought, "Cool, put on some Barry White music, light some candles and put out some fresh hay - make a nice environment for the cows to do it in - I can do that" On the first day of class, I find out you have to stick your hands in private, yucky, squishy cow places. Forget that. I went and got my deposit back.

Now I model. When you see one of those Before and After weight loss ads, they put an attractive guys face on my body for the Before shot. People think modeling is easy but its not easy eating two deep dish pizza's a day just to keep my weight up. I get to eat a lot of Cheetos though.

 

[AngieBaby]

I have been in a slump lately not knowing what to do with myself besides sleep. I have asked God several times to just take me home but He has a plan for me I guess because I'm still here. So, blah blah, on with my story, it gets better.
I have been searching for a "home" in this forum as to make friends and educate myself on vaping. After looking at many different threads I think I have found one that I will come back to daily, even if I do not make friends and just read the stories.
I have to say, I will be better equipped when I come back though. I will be wearing a depends for heavy flow because I have about peed myself several times between MudPie, BostLab I think is his name, and Daleron with her reactions to their stories!
I think God is wearing a depends also seeing all of these stories in action. Life is about making memories and I love it that you share them with all of us. LOLOLOLOL Thank you! I sooo needed the belly, pee laughs.
Now off to do laundry.

 

[BostLabs]

I had that same problem once. I called my Dad, who was an HVAC contractor. He told me to wad up some balls of white bread (minus the crust) and stuff them up the line in each direction, dry the water out of the line with a towel, and solder. It worked like a charm. I was trying to solder in a low spot on some hard copper. When you turn the water back on and fill the pipes, the bread turns into a slush and comes right out of the faucet. You just have to unscrew the strainer from the end of the nearest faucet so that the liquified bread can exit. Run the water for a couple of minutes to make sure the pipes are cleared of soggy bread.

Yeah I forgot to mention it but that method was how I fixed it in the end.

 

[BostLabs]

You guys were lucky! I tried out for the Navy Seals but they said my fear of the water (along with an inability to swim) would keep me out of their elite ranks.

snort! LOL!
ahem..

After that crushing blow, I decided to take a stab at animal husbandry. I thought, "Cool, put on some Barry White music, light some candles and put out some fresh hay - make a nice environment for the cows to do it in - I can do that" On the first day of class, I find out you have to stick your hands in private, yucky, squishy cow places. Forget that. I went and got my deposit back.

BWAHAHAHAHA!

Now I model. When you see one of those Before and After weight loss ads, they put an attractive guys face on my body for the Before shot. People think modeling is easy but its not easy eating two deep dish pizza's a day just to keep my weight up. I get to eat a lot of Cheetos though.

Well, you know what they say.

It's not easy, being cheesy.

 

[BostLabs]

I have been in a slump lately not knowing what to do with myself besides sleep. I have asked God several times to just take me home but He has a plan for me I guess because I'm still here. So, blah blah, on with my story, it gets better.
I have been searching for a "home" in this forum as to make friends and educate myself on vaping. After looking at many different threads I think I have found one that I will come back to daily, even if I do not make friends and just read the stories.
I have to say, I will be better equipped when I come back though. I will be wearing a depends for heavy flow because I have about peed myself several times between MudPie, BostLab I think is his name, and Daleron with her reactions to their stories!
I think God is wearing a depends also seeing all of these stories in action. Life is about making memories and I love it that you share them with all of us. LOLOLOLOL Thank you! I sooo needed the belly, pee laughs.
Now off to do laundry.

Hey! Welcome to the PARTY!

Believe me, there is more to come. I've got 53 years of my life to tell and most of it is just like those stories. (sigh! LOL!) Ah heck, I wouldn't have it any other way. That's how God made me so I can't complain.

 

[daleron]

snort! LOL!
ahem..



BWAHAHAHAHA!



Well, you know what they say.
View attachment 215820
It's not easy, being cheesy.

I don't know how you did that Bost, but it's hilarious!!!

And Angiebaby, hang out all you want Sometimes you have to track BostLabs down & Beeeeeeeggg for another story but ... he's a good sort

 

[BostLabs]

I don't know how you did that Bost, but it's hilarious!!!

And Angiebaby, hang out all you want Sometimes you have to track BostLabs down & Beeeeeeeggg for another story but ... he's a good sort

<grin> Short of time right now, but later tonight I have one in mind.