He went back to smoking

[Vaslovik]

So the man I've lived with for over 5 years now, and who I've looked after and taken care of all that time, the man who went to vaping over smoking with me two years ago, has gone back to smoking. He doesn't even bother carrying his little shirt pocket vape with him anymore. I sat with him at a bar today, enduring the stink of his cigarettes and excuses.

All along over the last two years his vape had to adapt to him, not him to it. It had to slip easily into his shirt pocket, and be effortless. He would not bother to recharge his ego batteries, or maintain his atomizer, I had to do that for him. It was too much bother for him and he would not put anything of himself into vaping. I got him a pair of 650 mAh ego batteries and a Kanger mini Protank that he could put in his shirt pocket. He liked that, but would not do anything at all to maintain it, not even fill it with juice or change his coil. I had to do that for him.

I set up a mech and genny for him to use at home, doing all the maintenance on it for him, but when he'd go out he'd take his small shirt pocket vape with him, and the battery would run out and he didn't carry the spare, or the coil would go bad, or it would run out of juice, because he would just not bother with those things. I bought coils for him, provided all the juice he could want, did all his maintenance on his vape to no avail.

One day he asked me to go look in his car for something, and in the center console I found two packs of cigarettes. At that point I knew I was getting nowhere and there was nothing I could do. He'd been hiding his smoking from me for perhaps a year, or more. So I just told him to go ahead and smoke if that's what he wants to do. I can't stop him, and I'd prefer he didn't feel he has to hide it from me. Looking back on it all I'm thinking maybe he's someone I don't want in my life anymore.

 

[yuseffuhler]

So the man I've lived with for over 5 years now, and who I've looked after and taken care of all that time, the man who went to vaping over smoking with me two years ago, has gone back to smoking. He doesn't even bother carrying his little shirt pocket vape with him anymore. I sat with him at a bar today, enduring the stink of his cigarettes and excuses.

All along over the last two years his vape had to adapt to him, not him to it. It had to slip easily into his shirt pocket, and be effortless. He would not bother to recharge his ego batteries, or maintain his atomizer, I had to do that for him. It was too much bother for him and he would not put anything of himself into vaping. I got him a pair of 650 mAh ego batteries and a Kanger mini Protank that he could put in his shirt pocket. He liked that, but would not do anything at all to maintain it, not even fill it with juice or change his coil. I had to do that for him.

I set up a mech and genny for him to use at home, doing all the maintenance on it for him, but when he'd go out he'd take his small shirt pocket vape with him, and the battery would run out and he didn't carry the spare, or the coil would go bad, or it would run out of juice, because he would just not bother with those things. I bought coils for him, provided all the juice he could want, did all his maintenance on his vape to no avail.

One day he asked me to go look in his car for something, and in the center console I found two packs of cigarettes. At that point I knew I was getting nowhere and there was nothing I could do. He'd been hiding his smoking from me for perhaps a year, or more. So I just told him to go ahead and smoke if that's what he wants to do. I can't stop him, and I'd prefer he didn't feel he has to hide it from me. Looking back on it all I'm thinking maybe he's someone I don't want in my life anymore.

I'm sorry to hear about that Vaslovik. It's difficult to go through that with a loved one; my SO didn't quit for quite a while until after I did, and still has some times where she smokes. It happens. That being said, keep in mind that some people just don't want to quit, and there's nothing you or I can do about it. Best of luck to you, no matter what happens from here. If you need someone to talk to I'm here. There's others here too.

 

[cocacola31173]

Unless he wants to quit he won't...I am having the same problem with my mother. I keep everything cleaned and filled for her and all she has to do is plug in her MVP 3 at night. But she still smokes. Mind you I don't think as much as she did before but she uses the excuse of having to put up with my father..

 

[Vaslovik]

Thank you for that. When we both started vaping he was so enthusiastic about it, and I got him a cigalike kit, because he wouldn't deal with anything he could not put in his shirt pocket. He seemed to be doing so well with that, for a while. But over time I moved on to better and more advanced hardware, and he'd just tread water with that cigalike kit. When he got frustrated with it I had to get him something better, because he wouldn't bother to find out anything on his own or do it himself. He left his vaping up to me to deal with. I just wanted to keep him off the cigarettes, but I guess it was a lost cause from the start, because he wasn't willing to put himself into it.

Mind you, vaping isn't the only thing he's like this about, and I'm feeling ready to end it with him.

 

[jbok]

Wow that's a pretty intense statement. I'm not sure if you mentioned that you were married to him or not, but if you are I don't think that leaving him over smoking is a good idea. If you are just a couple then do what you feel is best for your overall mental and physical health.

Sorry for the heartache


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[edyle]

between wicking needing changing regularly, needing to change batteries, need to refill tank, cigarettes are still much easier and hassle free.

the best thing for somebody like that might a failsafe 18650 mech mod with a vv kick set at 3.7 with a 3 ohm 30 gauge coil on a rta. and 24mg juice.
A 5 watt vape.
It's going to last all day. and put out the same or more cloudiness as a cig.

or maybe the popular istick+nautilus combo will take his interest.

 

[Vaslovik]

Wow that's a pretty intense statement. I'm not sure if you mentioned that you were married to him or not, but if you are I don't think that leaving him over smoking is a good idea. If you are just a couple then do what you feel is best for your overall mental and physical health.

Sorry for the heartache

Without getting into the particulars of the relationship I will say that it's not just about smoking, that's just the latest disappointment. That I had to do it all for him with his vaping mirrors our entire relationship, and I'm pretty tired of having to deal with a lazy little boy in a grown man's body.

 

[Vaslovik]

between wicking needing changing regularly, needing to change batteries, need to refill tank, cigarettes are still much easier and hassle free.

Emphysema, heart disease, and lung cancer are not. The whole point of us starting vaping was our health, and our willingness do put effort into it. I did. He didn't.

Sure, cigarettes are hassle free, until they find that spot on your lung...

 

[FlamingoTutu]

Vaslovik, I'm so sorry it turned out like this. You really bent over backwards for him and you deserve better. Maybe he's looking for a mom and not a girlfriend? I feel so badly for you. Stay strong.

 

[Thayamax]

Either he wasn't that into vaping to begin with, or he's gotten used to the females in his life taking care of life's details for him. Perhaps his mother groomed him to feel entitled from a young age?

 

[roxynoodle]

Without getting into the particulars of the relationship I will say that it's not just about smoking, that's just the latest disappointment. That I had to do it all for him with his vaping mirrors our entire relationship, and I'm pretty tired of having to deal with a lazy little boy in a grown man's body.

The story of my life. My ex husband refused to even have a job, and he sure didn't do anything at home either. The others after him weren't much better.

I'm happily single, and plan to remain so. I'm now past childbearing age and no longer see any benefits to me to be in a relationship.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

 

[Vaslovik]

The story of my life. My ex husband refused to even have a job, and he sure didn't do anything at home either. The others after him weren't much better.

I'm happily single, and plan to remain so. I'm now past childbearing age and no longer see any benefits to me to be in a relationship.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

Yes, that's about where I'm at anymore. I think I'm just a lot better off by myself having been through so many years of this with men. At this point I'm just not up for any more of it.

 

[mattiem]

I have read this same story numerous times over the past 3 1/2 years I've been here. I have come to believe that those that are unwilling to at least try to do some of the work needed to be successful will not be a successful non-smoker. I have come to believe that unless a person invests some of themselves into vaping they don't want to be successful at it.

My hubby is a duel user. I do all the choosing of equipment. I rebuild all of our coils. I make all of our juice. I am fully invested -- he isn't. I am no longer a smoker -- he likes his vape but still can't give up his smokes. I don't mind doing all I do so for us, it works. He does charge his batteries and changes his own coils so there is that.

I feel for you. It sounds like you have held his hand long enough. Sounds like you did everything but vape for him. Good luck to you whatever you decide to do.

 

[yuseffuhler]

The story of my life. My ex husband refused to even have a job, and he sure didn't do anything at home either. The others after him weren't much better.

I'm happily single, and plan to remain so. I'm now past childbearing age and no longer see any benefits to me to be in a relationship.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

My SO and I are happily married, and have been for a few years. She's my best friend and my partner. If she was anything less, I don't think I could still be with her... I grew up in a house like that. Sometimes separation is better.

 

[crxess]

I'm more concerned with is attitude about being served than his choice to smoke.
Servitude is not a good Relationship.
I'm thinking you may just have some serious thinking to do.
Changes may be possible or a split may be coming. Either way letting things brew is not a good thing for either of you.

 

[roxynoodle]

I'm more concerned with is attitude about being served than his choice to smoke.
Servitude is not a good Relationship.
I'm thinking you may just have some serious thinking to do.
Changes may be possible or a split may be coming. Either way letting things brew is not a good thing for either of you.

That's really what this is about, not a quit smoking failure. Its about an inequitable relationship where one person does the giving, and the other the taking (and lies to you to boot). Its a lack of respect and dishonesty.

 

[OcalaFlGuy]

That I had to do it all for him with his vaping mirrors our entire relationship, and I'm pretty tired of having to deal with a lazy little boy in a grown man's body.

IMO, if THIS isn't Already a deal breaker, icing it with dishonesty seals the deal. Someone who'll be dishonest with you about something like vaping won't hesitate to be dishonest with you about more serious issues.

Bruce in Ocala, Fl

 

[Opinionated]

So the man I've lived with for over 5 years now, and who I've looked after and taken care of all that time, the man who went to vaping over smoking with me two years ago, has gone back to smoking. He doesn't even bother carrying his little shirt pocket vape with him anymore. I sat with him at a bar today, enduring the stink of his cigarettes and excuses.

All along over the last two years his vape had to adapt to him, not him to it. It had to slip easily into his shirt pocket, and be effortless. He would not bother to recharge his ego batteries, or maintain his atomizer, I had to do that for him. It was too much bother for him and he would not put anything of himself into vaping. I got him a pair of 650 mAh ego batteries and a Kanger mini Protank that he could put in his shirt pocket. He liked that, but would not do anything at all to maintain it, not even fill it with juice or change his coil. I had to do that for him.

I set up a mech and genny for him to use at home, doing all the maintenance on it for him, but when he'd go out he'd take his small shirt pocket vape with him, and the battery would run out and he didn't carry the spare, or the coil would go bad, or it would run out of juice, because he would just not bother with those things. I bought coils for him, provided all the juice he could want, did all his maintenance on his vape to no avail.

One day he asked me to go look in his car for something, and in the center console I found two packs of cigarettes. At that point I knew I was getting nowhere and there was nothing I could do. He'd been hiding his smoking from me for perhaps a year, or more. So I just told him to go ahead and smoke if that's what he wants to do. I can't stop him, and I'd prefer he didn't feel he has to hide it from me. Looking back on it all I'm thinking maybe he's someone I don't want in my life anymore.

A couple of things here. First, any man would like to be pampered, just like a woman likes to be.. we all like to feel as if we are the most important thing in our significant other's life - a little pampering goes a long way on both sides.

But it almost sounds like you chose for him, rather than allowing him to choose something for himself. I vape, my husband smokes when he is at work, and chews at home. His choice. I don't like the chewing, but it is his life to live, and I love who he is as a person and will not change him. I take the "bad" (things like chewing tobacco) alongside the good because imho his good far outweighs anything negative. So I frown at his little spittoon and refuse to clean it.. my prerogative.

This is what a relationship is, you take the whole person and no one is perfect. It is up to you to decide whether or not you can live with a person's imperfections, but it is never up to you whether or not someone will change. That is their decision and theirs alone.

It sounds nearly like yours was trying the whole vape thing to make you happy, but for whatever reason didn't really like it - but at the same time didn't want to let you down.

You might attempt open and honest conversation to find out the truth - why doesn't he like it, really? My husband doesn't like the taste, thinks its weird (as he is a bit old fashioned) and sees himself as too old to change his ways. That is his prerogative as it is his life and his body. But perhaps with some understanding of what it REALLY and truly is that your significant other doesn't like about it, maybe its a hurdle you can help him with?

Or maybe you simply need to decide, this man is not perfect.. can I live with his faults as well as his strengths? Only you can answer that question. But you cannot make someone be something they are not. It doesn't work that way.

 

[Amraann]

I am really sorry to read this and understand your disappointment.

I can tell you from my own experience with my husband .. that if they don't take a proactive interest then it most likely will not work out.

Don't give up hope he may change his miind and give it another try. Jut don't push the issue.

 

[satchvai]

I work in the Recovery field and a couple basic rules apply. Number one and foremost is self-determination. I didn't start vaping until I chose it was time for me to do so. No one else could choose that time and buying me gear would be nice but wouldn't in anyway help me give up the smokes.I I had to make that decision when I was ready. Another biggie is Personal Responsibility. Ultimately I am responsible for my actions. You can try and help me but I have to take the initiative and not blame anyone else for my own stuff. Good luck with this situation and I get that this kind of personality disordered stuff goes further than just smoking. Ultimately it is up to your SO to take care of the situation and for you to let him even though you may desperately want to help him along, you in fact may make the situation worse. This brings us to another biggie: HOPE. There are others, in fact thousands on this forum, that have given up the stinkies. It may very well happen that he does give them up and letting him choose that for himself will do more for his motivation than anything you or I could ever do.
Hang in there!