So I have this big, beautiful glass clearo that was so graciously gifted to me for joining CASAA. I've had her for a month. And I've been feeling guilty that I've found myself satisfied (or distracted?) so far with my Halo Triton VV, and therefore haven't been able to justify the purchase of a nice APV for her.
But will she just wait quietly and patiently, trusting my judgment regarding the expenditure of MY money? No. She lies here next to me, restlessly staring me down day after day. Sometimes rolling back and forth, back and forth - like she's trying to decide on the perfect argument. Ha! The hypocrisy of that will become clear soon enough.
Finally, she can't stand it any more and asks, "Are you ever going to get me a nice device that'll actually turn me on? And don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you screwed me with a Blu battery out of perverse curiosity, just to see if I could give you the performance you were hoping for. Don't you know that if you satisfy my need with a nice, long, powerful device, that I could give you everything you've been hoping for? All those harder flavors you can't enjoy with that dumb little plastic-tanked thingy you've been with?"
The insolence of her tone quickly overtakes my startlement. And my judgment. Without a thought I snap at her, losing myself as if I've been hurt far more than I have. "Stop it! You're just a pretty tank with a really big glass. And what if I don't want anything other than what my 'little plastic tank' can give me?"
OK, that was too far. Especially the snarkiness of that last part, although that's not what she clings onto first. "Did you just call me fat?!? 'Really big glass', eh?"
"No, I just... What I meant to say was..." I stumble, desperately trying to abort the coming firestorm of anger and the inevitable silent treatment and withholding of favors to follow. I drastically change my tone. "You're beautiful. And the only thing big about you is the size of your crystalline heart." Weak, but maybe it's enough to save my life.
She mellows, but only a little. She has feelings, but she's no pushover by any stretch. "But you still won't buy something powerful that you can screw into me. And before you say it... NO! That embarrassing little Blu battery you screwed me with doesn't count. It was so little I could barely detect it. It might have turned me on for what, several seconds? A few minutes, maybe? I can't believe you were so crass as to think I could perform like that!"
I turn to her with a glare, "Hey, now you just stop right there! I didn't even squirt anything into you when I did that! All I did was screw it in, press my lips to you and breathe in just a little to see if the Blu would get turned on. I left you completely dry inside so MAYBE you wouldn't feel so embarrassed as you would by having messy juice inside you while the Blu was there doing its thing, trying to turn you on. And the whole thing only took a few seconds, anyway. Not even long enough to warm the inside of your tube." I gain a little more confidence, as I think I'm in a better position now. "Why are you acting like this?"
But I was wrong. She retorts in a sanctimonious huff, "'Only a few seconds'?!? That's supposed to make me feel okay about it?" She puffs spitefully. "And of course the little automatic Blu got turned on when you put your mouth on me. Probably the biggest thrill of his life. But that wasn't even what made me mad. It's that YOU thought it might be a GOOD IDEA to take a picture of that wee little thing screwed into me and POST IT IN THAT FORUM YOU LOVE SO MUCH 'cause you thought it'd be FUNNY!!!" She's screaming now. "You know, the very place I CAME FROM?!?"
She throws her spare coil at my head. I block it with a quick flourish. Phew! That could 'a been an eye.
I've got to think fast. "Okay, okay! You're right. I shouldn't have expected you to feel okay about it. But I never did take that picture. I only said I was THINKING about doing that. I was never really intending to do it."
Actually I was, and I knew she probably wouldn't believe my denial. And yet her fierce rant succumbs to quiet agitation. "Well, you shouldn't have even thought about it. And how was I supposed to react? You get me home, strip off my wrappings, gently hold me in front of you, caress me, get me all warm and ready... And then, in a vain attempt to figure out what to screw into me that should have ended with you patiently letting me be until you could give me what I truly deserve - a big, powerful device screwed in tight - you instead let that tiny, cold, weak battery touch me in the same place!" She shivers blatantly. Great. Now she's going to be a drama queen, trying to find more reasons to hate me.
This has to end. I have no choice but to surrender. "I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have screwed anything so puny into you, and especially not as a joke." I ponder whether to swallow more of my pride. I think I have to. "How can I make it up to you?"
She hesitates, choosing to temper her wrath in the interest of using this whole situation to goad me into buying her something nice. "Well, didn't you promise me a nice, big, long ... what was it going to be first, a Vamo? Then a Sigelei Zmax. Ooh, you know I love the idea of a telescoping unit - one you could make longer or shorter depending on my needs. Then a SID. Then it was going to be one of those hot and hunky mechs I like so much - all power and no fuss. Then it was back to a Sigelei. Any of those would be really nice, don't you think? I mean, like they say - big, long batteries are a clearo's best friend." Uh huh. She's trying to manipulate me now. Trying to get me to buy her adoration with an expensive gift.
"Well, I'm going to get you something. You know I am. But... Well, I just haven't decided what to get yet."
Now she starts to whine. She must know I hate that. "But it's been a month! I feel like I'm growing old." She vainly looks at her reflection in the monitor on my desk, turning to each side. "Do I look old?"
I very deftly avoid that one by ingeniously feigning distraction. "Uhhh...What?"
Thankfully, she lets it pass. Good. I get to keep my cranium. "Pleeeeeease! We're not talking about taking out a mortgage, here. It's just one little unit. Well - hopefully, one big unit." She winks. Now she's trying playfulness.
I start to plead, "But I've never bought a mod. You know all I've tried so far is the Blu, the G6 and the Triton. With you, it'll only be my fourth time. And my first time with a unit that big. I mean, I didn't even buy any non-Halo juice until just recently. I'm new at all this." I try my best to disguise my change in strategy, but I know she's not just some 'Clearo come lately'. "I like to be sure about something before making a choice, especially when it's for a fine piece of glass like you."
She's plays it a little conciliatory, but advances with her own strategy change. "Yes, but how long did it take you to choose me? You looked at the pictures in that CASAA thread, saw me there, and decided in a millisecond that I was the one you wanted. That's what you told me."
"I know, I know, but..." Hey, I can play this for some extra points. "But look at you. Look at how beautiful you are. That was an easy choice."
Her terseness makes it clear that she didn't buy my attempt at groveling. She huffs audibly. "Uh huh. I've heard that one before. It doesn't give you an excuse to let me lie here, untouched. Feeling worthless, unwanted..."
I snap back, "Hey! I touch you every day. Sometimes twice a day."
"But you don't put your lips on me every day, do you? And you haven't screwed anything powerful into me, have you? Not even once!"
I pray to avoid another 'Blu' confrontation. I swear to myself that I'll walk out if I hear that one again.
She seems to sense that. Her voice becomes quiet and she moves closer to me, her flawless frame rolling smoothly, her sultry voice caressing my ear. "I just want to be able to give you what you want." Her voice lowers, like she's telling me a secret. "You know I can do it better for you than that little eGo-copy. You wouldn't have to be so careful with your juice inside me. I know it'd never hurt me." Now it's just a whisper, her glassy breath warm in my ear. "I can give you anything you want..."
She has me. "I know you can. And I want you to."
She prods gently, "So...?"
"So, I..." Not even meaning to look, I notice the time in the lower right of my screen. 10:00am. Not even meaning to look, but I know she'll just think I'm evading. "Whoa, look at the time! I'm supposed to be working on my book."
She rolls back away from me, her temper and impatience flaring. "I knew it! You don't really want me at all, do you?"
I'd love to say 'Well look at how much you're pushing me. Would YOU want you??' But I'd rather not die today from an angry clearo tank bursting through my chest cavity. I decide a poor attempt at mollification would be a better tactic. "Yes, I do want you. I chose you, didn't I? And you want to be screwed with only the very best unit, don't you? But I can't be sure about choosing the right one on a whim, can I?"
I know - I've had her here a month, and a month is waaay past a "whim". But she finally submits. Maybe she's as tired of fighting as I am. "I know you can't. But..." More quietly, now, "Do you think you'll know soon?"
I caress her gently and smile warmly. "Yes, soon my lovely." I've won. For now.
And so it goes, in the world. I guess I better hurry and make a choice on a mod. Hell hath no fury like a clearo scorned.
But will she just wait quietly and patiently, trusting my judgment regarding the expenditure of MY money? No. She lies here next to me, restlessly staring me down day after day. Sometimes rolling back and forth, back and forth - like she's trying to decide on the perfect argument. Ha! The hypocrisy of that will become clear soon enough.
Finally, she can't stand it any more and asks, "Are you ever going to get me a nice device that'll actually turn me on? And don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you screwed me with a Blu battery out of perverse curiosity, just to see if I could give you the performance you were hoping for. Don't you know that if you satisfy my need with a nice, long, powerful device, that I could give you everything you've been hoping for? All those harder flavors you can't enjoy with that dumb little plastic-tanked thingy you've been with?"
The insolence of her tone quickly overtakes my startlement. And my judgment. Without a thought I snap at her, losing myself as if I've been hurt far more than I have. "Stop it! You're just a pretty tank with a really big glass. And what if I don't want anything other than what my 'little plastic tank' can give me?"
OK, that was too far. Especially the snarkiness of that last part, although that's not what she clings onto first. "Did you just call me fat?!? 'Really big glass', eh?"
"No, I just... What I meant to say was..." I stumble, desperately trying to abort the coming firestorm of anger and the inevitable silent treatment and withholding of favors to follow. I drastically change my tone. "You're beautiful. And the only thing big about you is the size of your crystalline heart." Weak, but maybe it's enough to save my life.
She mellows, but only a little. She has feelings, but she's no pushover by any stretch. "But you still won't buy something powerful that you can screw into me. And before you say it... NO! That embarrassing little Blu battery you screwed me with doesn't count. It was so little I could barely detect it. It might have turned me on for what, several seconds? A few minutes, maybe? I can't believe you were so crass as to think I could perform like that!"
I turn to her with a glare, "Hey, now you just stop right there! I didn't even squirt anything into you when I did that! All I did was screw it in, press my lips to you and breathe in just a little to see if the Blu would get turned on. I left you completely dry inside so MAYBE you wouldn't feel so embarrassed as you would by having messy juice inside you while the Blu was there doing its thing, trying to turn you on. And the whole thing only took a few seconds, anyway. Not even long enough to warm the inside of your tube." I gain a little more confidence, as I think I'm in a better position now. "Why are you acting like this?"
But I was wrong. She retorts in a sanctimonious huff, "'Only a few seconds'?!? That's supposed to make me feel okay about it?" She puffs spitefully. "And of course the little automatic Blu got turned on when you put your mouth on me. Probably the biggest thrill of his life. But that wasn't even what made me mad. It's that YOU thought it might be a GOOD IDEA to take a picture of that wee little thing screwed into me and POST IT IN THAT FORUM YOU LOVE SO MUCH 'cause you thought it'd be FUNNY!!!" She's screaming now. "You know, the very place I CAME FROM?!?"
She throws her spare coil at my head. I block it with a quick flourish. Phew! That could 'a been an eye.
I've got to think fast. "Okay, okay! You're right. I shouldn't have expected you to feel okay about it. But I never did take that picture. I only said I was THINKING about doing that. I was never really intending to do it."
Actually I was, and I knew she probably wouldn't believe my denial. And yet her fierce rant succumbs to quiet agitation. "Well, you shouldn't have even thought about it. And how was I supposed to react? You get me home, strip off my wrappings, gently hold me in front of you, caress me, get me all warm and ready... And then, in a vain attempt to figure out what to screw into me that should have ended with you patiently letting me be until you could give me what I truly deserve - a big, powerful device screwed in tight - you instead let that tiny, cold, weak battery touch me in the same place!" She shivers blatantly. Great. Now she's going to be a drama queen, trying to find more reasons to hate me.
This has to end. I have no choice but to surrender. "I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have screwed anything so puny into you, and especially not as a joke." I ponder whether to swallow more of my pride. I think I have to. "How can I make it up to you?"
She hesitates, choosing to temper her wrath in the interest of using this whole situation to goad me into buying her something nice. "Well, didn't you promise me a nice, big, long ... what was it going to be first, a Vamo? Then a Sigelei Zmax. Ooh, you know I love the idea of a telescoping unit - one you could make longer or shorter depending on my needs. Then a SID. Then it was going to be one of those hot and hunky mechs I like so much - all power and no fuss. Then it was back to a Sigelei. Any of those would be really nice, don't you think? I mean, like they say - big, long batteries are a clearo's best friend." Uh huh. She's trying to manipulate me now. Trying to get me to buy her adoration with an expensive gift.
"Well, I'm going to get you something. You know I am. But... Well, I just haven't decided what to get yet."
Now she starts to whine. She must know I hate that. "But it's been a month! I feel like I'm growing old." She vainly looks at her reflection in the monitor on my desk, turning to each side. "Do I look old?"
I very deftly avoid that one by ingeniously feigning distraction. "Uhhh...What?"
Thankfully, she lets it pass. Good. I get to keep my cranium. "Pleeeeeease! We're not talking about taking out a mortgage, here. It's just one little unit. Well - hopefully, one big unit." She winks. Now she's trying playfulness.
I start to plead, "But I've never bought a mod. You know all I've tried so far is the Blu, the G6 and the Triton. With you, it'll only be my fourth time. And my first time with a unit that big. I mean, I didn't even buy any non-Halo juice until just recently. I'm new at all this." I try my best to disguise my change in strategy, but I know she's not just some 'Clearo come lately'. "I like to be sure about something before making a choice, especially when it's for a fine piece of glass like you."
She's plays it a little conciliatory, but advances with her own strategy change. "Yes, but how long did it take you to choose me? You looked at the pictures in that CASAA thread, saw me there, and decided in a millisecond that I was the one you wanted. That's what you told me."
"I know, I know, but..." Hey, I can play this for some extra points. "But look at you. Look at how beautiful you are. That was an easy choice."
Her terseness makes it clear that she didn't buy my attempt at groveling. She huffs audibly. "Uh huh. I've heard that one before. It doesn't give you an excuse to let me lie here, untouched. Feeling worthless, unwanted..."
I snap back, "Hey! I touch you every day. Sometimes twice a day."
"But you don't put your lips on me every day, do you? And you haven't screwed anything powerful into me, have you? Not even once!"
I pray to avoid another 'Blu' confrontation. I swear to myself that I'll walk out if I hear that one again.
She seems to sense that. Her voice becomes quiet and she moves closer to me, her flawless frame rolling smoothly, her sultry voice caressing my ear. "I just want to be able to give you what you want." Her voice lowers, like she's telling me a secret. "You know I can do it better for you than that little eGo-copy. You wouldn't have to be so careful with your juice inside me. I know it'd never hurt me." Now it's just a whisper, her glassy breath warm in my ear. "I can give you anything you want..."
She has me. "I know you can. And I want you to."
She prods gently, "So...?"
"So, I..." Not even meaning to look, I notice the time in the lower right of my screen. 10:00am. Not even meaning to look, but I know she'll just think I'm evading. "Whoa, look at the time! I'm supposed to be working on my book."
She rolls back away from me, her temper and impatience flaring. "I knew it! You don't really want me at all, do you?"
I'd love to say 'Well look at how much you're pushing me. Would YOU want you??' But I'd rather not die today from an angry clearo tank bursting through my chest cavity. I decide a poor attempt at mollification would be a better tactic. "Yes, I do want you. I chose you, didn't I? And you want to be screwed with only the very best unit, don't you? But I can't be sure about choosing the right one on a whim, can I?"
I know - I've had her here a month, and a month is waaay past a "whim". But she finally submits. Maybe she's as tired of fighting as I am. "I know you can't. But..." More quietly, now, "Do you think you'll know soon?"
I caress her gently and smile warmly. "Yes, soon my lovely." I've won. For now.
And so it goes, in the world. I guess I better hurry and make a choice on a mod. Hell hath no fury like a clearo scorned.
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