I hate to be a ex-smoker snob but..

[Clovery]

I don't feel that I am a terrible snob. Really.. would you guys let your children go to someone's home where the parents are smoking in the same room!? I wouldn't not have tolerated it back WHEN I smoked and I certainly don't feel like I should tolerate it now just to spare the poor woman's feelings. If she gets offended when I tell her that I don't want my child in a "smoking" home then she'll just have to get offended. I didn't do it and I don't want anyone else to do it either. I can and will be nice about it.

I wouldn't like it and I never have/will smoke in front of children. I just don't think a couple of hours once a week in a smokey room is going to have much effect on a healthy 13 yr old. It's not about the woman's feelings... it's about the kids. They'll talk, the other boy will feel embarrassed, maybe your son will too. Kids pick up on these things and saying something will give off a "my mom thinks she's better than your mom" vibe. IMO it's best to avoid anything confrontational and to just encourage them to hang out at your house, or to play outside at his. Or drive them to the movies or the mall. There are oodles of better solutions that save face for everyone.

 

[menthall]

You could use this as a great opportunity to introduce his mom to vaping. When I'm at work, and someone who has obviously just come in from a smoke break smells, I go into the advantages of vaping without skipping a beat. Based on my experience, even the folks who are standoffish at first eventually come around. Once they get a chance to try it and understand it, they're on the band wagon.

 

[VapingRulz]

I don't feel that I am a terrible snob. Really.. would you guys let your children go to someone's home where the parents are smoking in the same room!?

I have some family members who smoke and when they visit, which is not often, I always set out the ashtray. Yes, the kids are in the house. Yes, they're bound to inhale some of the smoke - but it's not frequent enough to do any real harm to them. It's more harmful in my eyes to be rude to our guests. The kids already know that smoking is bad and they live 99.9% of their lives in a smoke-free environment so they'll be fine. I do have to air out the house for a few days and it seems like I spend most of my life doing laundry anyway, so no harm-no foul.

I can't get hysterical about exposing kids to smoke on an occasional basis because I remember when I was growing up and virtually everyone smoked - and they smoked virtually everywhere. I managed to survive and I'm very healthy, as are all of my siblings.

 

[Roxxette]

Really ? 99% of there live is smoke free ? I find that hard......

Like others say you can introduce these women to ecigs and maybe make a nice friend ? Sure its normal to be worry about your kids safety but at the end is your choice, i dont understand why you have to come in a forum and ask for answear or "advice" ? What does your husband think , is he ok with it ? Cause other than what you think the only opinion that should matter is hes.

Anyway myself i wouldnt have a problem, whe are allready exposed to far more important things and second hand smoke is the least of the problems unless your kid is in a bubble the chances he can develop lung cancer etc is the same as the others (car/fuel smoke etc).

Ps. Sorry for the english and good luck !

 

[DC2]

I just can't see second-hand smoke being an issue for a few hours, even it is happens once every week.
If it was me, I wouldn't worry about it.

But I wouldn't make my children wear helmets when riding a bicycle either.
Mostly because I think wearing a bicycle helmet is just stupid.

 

[Roxxette]

I agree bicycle helmet looks very stupid

 

[WCSR]

I just can't see second-hand smoke being an issue for a few hours, even it is happens once every week.
If it was me, I wouldn't worry about it.

But I wouldn't make my children wear helmets when riding a bicycle either.
Mostly because I think wearing a bicycle helmet is just stupid.

Word. If you're going to wear a helmet on a bicycle...then just wear it everywhere.

 

[Myk]

Would you rather it be pet poop or really bad BO? I've known BO that was like the Seinfield episode.

As I'm gaining my sense of smell back I'm learning people who complain about cigarette smoke are being drama queens. There are many things in this world that smell much worse. You can't tell me your auto exhaust doesn't stink worse than cigarettes and also being a smoke it gets into things the same way.

In short you should deal with it just like you deal with millions of other bad smells in the world.

I was raised in a smoking house and every smoking friend I've had has allowed smoking in the house around the kids. Being raised in a smoking house I can tell you that when sauerkraut or broccoli was cooked it was a much worse smell.

I can tell from later posts you want to ban your kid from going over there using anti-smoker rationalization. Then do so. It's your kid. But you'll have to accept that you are being an anti-smoker snob that is not being rational, especially since you vape.
You don't get to dictate what she does in her house so get that idea out of your head.

 

[V_Joe1981]

I say if you see her come out of the house with a cig, break out a mod and Vape hard with huge plumes...the visual would be great IMO and she might be intrigued to learn more

 

[rookbartley989]

I smoked for 13 years and never smoked in anywhere I lived, I got kids and never smoked in anywhere I lived, and I always made a conscious effort to avoid smoking around other peoples kids when they were around...its just common courtesy to move away or shoe them away. You don't need to feel like a snob for not wanting your kid in a smokers house. You certainly don't need to feel like you need to change her lifestyle either. Let her kid come over, keep yours at home so she can enjoy her smokes and you can be happy not having your kid around it. It really doesn't require any second thoughts or over analyzing. I am an ex-smoker...I don't and never did allow smoking in my home or car...I still don't...but I could care less if someone wants to go smoke on my patio, hell I'll join them for a vape and chat over some coffee. I guess the point I am trying to get out with this nonsense post is let her enjoy her right to smoke in her house and enjoy your right to keep your kid away from it...enjoy it while you can, one day these choices and many others will be made for us!

Ron -

 

[ByeByeCoffinNails]

My Dad had a barrel of foul smelling wood preservative in the basement. The barrel leaked. The barrel was below my wardrobe and the smell came up through the floorboards. My clothes smelt really bad and no amount of washing would get it out.

I was 15. I have never forgotten how I felt the day the mother of my best friend of over 10 years rang my Mum and told her that I stank. Guess what? My Mum was not impressed. It got discussed at the dinner table, My Dad was furious. I didn't get to play at my best friend's house or she at mine and you don't want to know the complications it created at school and on the street. Two mothers walking past each other- one holding her nose loudly declaiming "your daughter stinks" to anyone who will listen and the other with her daughter beside her, head down walking on pretending not to see or hear anything.

Over twenty years later, that mother who made the phone call is still known to my family and all our family's friends as "that woman who rang to tell [my Mum's name] that [my name] stinks" and we still laugh at her.

You are overeacting. Really overeacting.

I wouldn't make a scene if I were you. Pick your battles. This is not one of them.

 

[Roxxette]

My Dad had a barrel of foul smelling wood preservative in the basement. The barrel leaked. The barrel was below my wardrobe and the smell came up through the floorboards. My clothes smelt really bad and no amount of washing would get it out.

I was 15. I have never forgotten how I felt the day the mother of my best friend of over 10 years rang my Mum and told her that I stank. Guess what? My Mum was not impressed. It got discussed at the dinner table, My Dad was furious. I didn't get to play at my best friend's house or she at mine and you don't want to know the complications it created at school and on the street. Two mothers walking past each other- one holding her nose loudly declaiming "your daughter stinks" to anyone who will listen and the other with her daughter beside her, head down walking on pretending not to see or hear anything.

Over twenty years later, that mother who made the phone call is still known to my family and all our family's friends as "that woman who rang to tell [my Mum's name] that [my name] stinks" and we still laugh at her.

You are overeacting. Really overeacting.

I wouldn't make a scene if I were you. Pick your battles. This is not one of them.

These is a good example that at end do what you is best for YOUR son.

 

[ohai]

On the one hand, I feel your pain- I really hate that stale smoke smell, it makes me sick to my stomach, and even sicker when I remind myself that I used to smell like that. You can deny it all you like- tell me you never smoked in your house or your car, washed your hair three times a day, yadda yadda yadda, but I guarantee you that non-smokers could smell it on you anyway. It has an icky way of clinging, and that is how you smelled when you smoked, and I know it creeps you out now, and that's part of the reason you hate it so much. That and the fact that it's just awful, and it is hard to get out of things.

On the other hand, I know what it feels like to have your child come home crying because someone told him he smelled bad. Do you suppose I felt like thanking that ever so helpful person for pointing it out to him? It's just honesty, we all expound on the wonderful honesty of children, but you know what, sometimes it's just rude and mean.

Anyway. She smokes. She may not know how bad it really is, because she has dulled her senses to it, but she knows what she smells like, and she won't thank you for telling her- it will embarrass her and she will think you are rude and mean. It's like telling a fat person they are fat. You aren't helping, you aren't making it any easier for that person to become less fat by telling them they're fat. They know they are fat, and she knows her house smells like smoke.

If you can't stand the idea of your kid being over there, it's your right to keep him away. I don't recommend it at that age, because you're creating a forbidden fruit situation and potentially making her house seem more attractive than it should. I personally would just make it point to have the other boy over to your house more often, and please don't tell him he stinks. 13 is hard enough the way it is.

 

[Bdbodger]

It is this women's home you can not tell her what she can or can not do in her own home . What you can do is ask her to not smoke near your child . See how that goes . If she continues to smoke in the presences of your child then talk to your child and tell him why you do not want him going over to that house . Tell him how the second hand smoke can affect his health and that you do not want him exposed to it . Tell him you would rather see him and his friend come over to your home or go some place you know to be safe . At 13 he is almost at the age where he will decide things for himself despite what his parents may want of him . That is the dilemma how to make everyone happy and not alienate you son or offend the mother of his friend . Let everyone know how you feel . Use logic and reason before laying down the law and using anger and aggression . Good luck .

 

[Shmokie]

It seems a pity the word "tolerance" has now been ripped out of so many peoples dictionaries.

 

[Bullette the Cowdog]

I've read this entire thread & I'm seeing things a little different folks. Now be gentle with me. Here goes:
1st comment: I started seriously smoking at age 14. The boy is 13. Why is the assumption that the cig smell on his clothes is from the woman? Just askin.
2nd comment: I would be more concerned about the woman's slurred speech, the OP's thought that she was on " Valium or some other prescription" ...or maybe non-prescription drugs. That would be my concern. People who are over medicated do not make good decisions.

Ok. I'm finished now. Please be gentle when you attack me. I'm very sensitive.

 

[AuBadge]

Yes I would have felt this way 2 years ago before I started vaping. I never exposed my children to second hand smoke and would never expose someone else's child to it either. Smoking is nasty..ithought so when I was smoking that's why I quit. And I admit that I do have other issues..she had no qualms about walking out of the house with a cigerette, letting me know that she smoked in a home with children present...something that I would have been deeply embarrassed to do.

I was a closet smoker..I only smoked outside at night after the kids went to bed..almost no one knew I smoked. I was ashamed of it. I don't feel like I'm punishing anyone. As a mother, I feel that it's my responsibility and my right to monitor the environment that my child is exposed to.

I don't have kids, but I understand your feelings completely. The other woman is totally justified in smoking in her own home, just as you are equally justified in insisting that your kids aren't breathing her smoke. I wouldn't slam her, but I'd be up front about not wanting my kids exposed to it. You have nothing to feel guilty about, in my opinion.

 

[LeAnn]

Be nice and tell her the truth, introduce her to e-cigs and tell her that you are concerned for her son too, teens tend to start smoking if their parents do, I know mine did, and I am still trying to get them off stinkies!

 

[donnah]

I've read this entire thread & I'm seeing things a little different folks. Now be gentle with me. Here goes:
1st comment: I started seriously smoking at age 14. The boy is 13. Why is the assumption that the cig smell on his clothes is from the woman? Just askin.
2nd comment: I would be more concerned about the woman's slurred speech, the OP's thought that she was on " Valium or some other prescription" ...or maybe non-prescription drugs. That would be my concern. People who are over medicated do not make good decisions.

Ok. I'm finished now. Please be gentle when you attack me. I'm very sensitive.

LoL.. I'm not going to attack you! Thanks for your (and all of your) comments. Nope, my son (whose name is Satchel btw) isn't smoking, I'm pretty sure. He was in the presence of someone smoking and smelled like it. Both of my children hate that I smoked and are thrilled with my vaping. I've talked to them many times about addiction, what it is, how it starts what it's like and how it is to start something that they will wish later that they'd never started. And yes, I'll admit that there are other things that bother me also. The fact that she acted stoned (or whatever it was) has me worried.

Anyway.. thanks for all the comments. It's given me a lot to think about. Her son is coming over this afternoon. If he seems like a nice kid, someone that I would want Satchel to hang around with.. then I will consider him going over there. I don't think a couple hours of exposure is going to harm him if he's enjoys spending time with the other child.

 

[donnah]

I'm not trying to give you a hard time, honest.

In your first post you said the issue wasn't second hand smoke or anything like that but the smell. If it's that, I'd do what dragonbone said and make sure your son wore old clothes if he went over there. Lets face it, 13 year old boys don't smell all that great to start with.

To me, it sounds like you have other issues with this woman- you like nice things (I guess her house is a little not so nice? the impression I'm getting), the way she acted- plus the cigs. Sounds like it's more than the cigs.

I do feel a little bad for her son (not because of you), sounds like he could use friends or some nice people in his life.

Your're right.. it IS more than just cigarettes. And no, her house is not as nice as mine. And no, Satchel is definately NOT the best smelling child... I'm always after him to take a shower, brush his teeth, USE DEODORANT! I guess it's everything combined that gave me an overall bad impression of this woman and her home. I did call her later to tell her thank you for the chicken and that it was wonderful and that Satchel told me he had invited Brandon to come over this afternoon and he was welcome to. So regardless of the cigarette smoke... if Satchel enjoys spending time with Brandon I'll just make sure he wears old clothes when/if I send him over.

It's interesting and enlightening to see the different reactions that people have regarding this issue. I'll just have to see how it goes and if I see the benefits outweigh the bad, I'll have no problem letting him go over there on occasion. Satchel doesn't get a lot of invitations to "come over and play" and he was thrilled to go to someone's home.

I'm not sure I'll even say anything at all, maybe just encourage Brandon coming over here more than Satchel goes over there. Who knows, maybe Satchel won't ever get invited back.

yes, I think I am being a snob (maybe even a terrible one LOL)... in more ways than just the cigarette issue. There's a lot for me to think about.