Good Morning Mt. Baker!!! It's....."Terrible Joke Wednesday" once again!....Are you ready?......Here we go....
The new CEO of a company comes into work determined to turn things around. Trying to prove himself to his new employees he looks around the office and sees a guy leaning against a wall doing nothing. He approaches the guy and asks him, "What do you think you're doing?"
The man replies, "I'm just killing time, waiting to get paid."
The CEO is furious, "What do you make a week?"
The man tells him, "About $200 a week."
The CEO pulls out his wallet and hand the man $400 and says, "There's your two weeks, now get out of here!" After the man leaves he turns to his employees and asks, "What do you think about that?"
One of the employees stands up and says, "I think he just got the largest tip he's ever gotten on a single pizza."
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
A little old man told his wife, "I have to go to my doctor's appointment now. I'll see you later."
After he left, his wife sat down on the couch and watched television. A news report came on that someone was driving down the interstate highway in the wrong direction. Knowing that that was the route he would be on, she called to warn him, "Honey, there's a car going in the wrong direction!"
The husband replied, "They're all going in the wrong direction!"
A man walks up to a bartender and tells him "I bet you $5,000 I can pee into a cup all the way across your bar."
The bartender, knowing this is impossible, agrees. They set it up and the man starts ...... all over the place, missing the cup completely. The bartender begins to cheer because he knows he's just won $5,000.
The man walks over to his friends and comes back to the bartender. He pays the bartender his money with a grin on his face. The bartender asks him "Why are you so happy? You just lost $5,000."
The man replies "I know, but I bet my friends $10,000 dollars that you would cheer while I pee all over the bar."
A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."
The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your ...!'"
The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"
The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."
Have the BEST of days everyone!!!
Hope you have the best of days! Here's my contribution to bad joke Wednesday.
Q: Why did the pioneers use covered wagons to move out to the West?
A: They didn't want to wait 40 years for a train.
I had the 3 kids in the back of my car while we were on the freeway in the carpool lane. As we entered a tunnel I started screaming and as we exited the tunnel I stopped. The kids all stared at me and I very calmly explained that I had carpool tunnel syndrome.
Swallow your pride would be terrible advice to give to a lion.
Cheers everyone! We hope you have a great rest of the week.
