"my husband is kind of an idiot.."

[Neekyme]

Gosh you gals are making me feel much better about my hubby! lol Thankfully he hasnt done anything too dangerous....yet....

Although I have to worry, the first time he offered to make dinner for the kids I thought great! He chooses to make Campbells chicken noodle soup for them. Perfect, I think, quick and easy! As I walk past the stove I see a pot with noodles but no broth. So I asked him what he did to the soup....."Nothing," he says, "I opened the can and stuck it in the pot"... Uh..it's condensed soup hon, you gotta add a can of water... "Oh" was his response. Seriously, how do you not know, at the age of 36, how to make a can of Campbell's soup?!

Other than that, it's just the typical stuff like watching the kids doing something dangerous and not saying anything until someone is bleeding....not making sure the tile is laid straight while redoing the bathroom floor....gah, crazy men!

 

[Happy Domino38]

Brian's best friend, (some on here know who he is..), takes me on a bus. He informs me that he can cook. Asks me if I'm hungry...well...sort of...Great! He offers to make me a tuna fish sandwich. (That's COOKING?)

But, I'm game!!

A few mins later, he's in the midst of lecturing ME about being diabetic and how I should be eating better, he's dropped turds that weigh more than I do, etc., etc., when I smell something burning. So, I said so..he keeps on talking. Then, he stops and asks me if I smell something burning.



Yup, sure enough there's a fire. He SCREAMS..'Fire!!' and pitches it at the window.

Ladies? The window WASN'T open...

'Nuff said.

So, we're out there, hacking up lungs and laughing our fool heads off when it hits me. He was making tuna fish. Why was there anything BURNING? If he was making himself a filet mignon I'm gonna..

"Um, what was burning if you were making tuna SANDWICHES there chum?"

"Oh! Well, y'know how YOUR sandwich was toasted? Well, that was MY toast..."

And, I've seen sadder faces on African children that were starving so I burst out laughing and screeching, "Oh WOLFGANG, I'm just THAT sorry about your TOAST, I mean, Mr. Puck, are you OKAY??"

Gawd...

 

[JustKryssi]

These stories are giving me a good chuckle.

There's no room to list all of my husband's snafus but here's a good one:

Having to get 3 stitches in his finger because he decided to stick his whole, hammy hand into a champagne glass to clean it.

I guess I should have been happy that he was cleaning at all, but it would have been cheaper to hire a housekeeper for the day!

 

[Fudgey]

These are great!!! Hubby is wondering why I am laughing in here all by myself....let him wonder!

 

[VRubin]

I need to think of more stories.. this thread is just WAY too great! lol

 

[notsoogood]

My hubby is actually pretty good when it comes to fixing some things...that is, when and if he finally decides to do it! But I don't want to have to be the one to help him...no patience. I will say when we were first married I was the one that was doing things wrong. He always tells everybody that I treated him like a god by giving him burnt offerings!! LOL Yeah, not much of a cook when we got married! It's dang hard to pay attention to cooking when you have your nose in a book!

 

[rosesense]

I am laughing so hard. I was trying to think of something to post and then I remembered....these things are why I am no longer married. Oh but the stories I could tell.

 

[beebopnjazz]

Go ahead Rose - I always called my DH (and my boss) - a Black Hole- the information goes in and it never comes back out.

 

[beebopnjazz]

DH was up in the Pocono area getting some things straightened out in a branch office - it was hot and humid and he hadn't eaten and was starving while heading back to Philadelphia- he stopped at an ice cream stand and while driving down the mountain - straight up on one side and down on the other- the top of the ice cream popped off and was traveling down his shirt - while he tries to stay on the road he's also trying to catch that ball of ice cream with the cone - it left quite a trail on his clothes! While he's telling my daughter and me the story (and we can see the chocolate trail all down his shirt in a similar pattern as going down that mountain) we're laughing so hard we both thought we were going to pee ourselves and we also knew we'd never make it upstairs to bathroom - we collapsed on the floor - laughing but "containing" ourselves.

He looked at us like we were nuts - after all "he'd had a bad day".....
which made us laugh harder.

 

[Mary Kay]

Mike was a stern father, fair, giving and fun, but not a huggy lovey kind of dad. But when the grandson came along..he was toast! That kid was never more then 2 feet from G'pa.
One day when G'son was just past the toddle stage Mike and and then SIL we putting togther a table saw. (I TOLD you he loves power tools!) and the baby was out there "helping". They were very busy putting this on and that all the while the baby was taking the screws out on the other side. Typical guys, no on was watching him.

Heedless of all the screws on the floor, they put a piece of wood in the machine about the time daughter and I came out to admire the "men work". Thank goodness I picked up my very tired G'son because the table saw started shaking as soon as they turned it on the wood was swaying and by the time they turned it off was in danger of flying off.

After inspection they decided screws were missing and figured it all out..oddly they were very proud of the babies skill!

 

[Fudgey]

They were teaching him and didn't even know it.

 

[Liscab]

 

[jj2]

A while back we had to replace the water pump on the hubbies truck
(I might note that I'm the mechanical one of the family...but I was pregnant at the time...somehow that means I shouldn't do anything "male" according to the hubby. IDK some weird instincts thing, thank god he got over it)

Anyway..2 hour job...turned into a three day all weekend event with tons of idiot moments.
But the kicker is when he came in announced it was all done and he was going for a test drive.
Comes back and there is rusty water all down the side of the truck...pop the hood.
Guess who forgot to put the radiator cap back on!

Hey at least he wasn't mechanically inclined. Mine is and he changed the spark plugs in my car and then spent a year wondering why it wasn't running right. I finally got tired of it all and took it in. The computer said it was the spark plugs. Hubby took them out and there were two different kinds. He took them out of the box and put them in my car without checking.

 

[daisyd]

About a year after we bought our house (our first) the faucet in the kids bathtub started dripping. Not much at first, but it got much worse very quickly. I asked dh several times to fix it. He is mechanically inclined, but apparently not with plumbing. So I tried to ignore it. Now, having grown up in the high desert, water is precious to me. Finally I got so annoyed that I did some researh on the topic. I found that the problem is a easily replaceable piece inside the handle. I tell hubby about it, he quickly tells me that I have no idea what I'm talking about. That piece has to be cut out and replaced, so we would have to replace the whole tub. I get really annoyed at tht point and say "Just .......ing fix it!" So what does he do? He shuts of the water to the kids tub.
Well, two months later our shower starts leaking. He fiddles with it here and there, cranking the handle down so tight it takes me five minutes just to get it to turn on. This goes on for a couple of years (can't shut the water off to all the tubs). Finally one day he goes to the store, comes home and fixes the shower. No more leaking, no cranked down handles. I asked him how he did it. "Oh, there was this little piece inside the handle that I had to replace."Uh, huh.

 

[Fudgey]

My dh and his son are working on an old pickup, dh told son to change the sparks plugs, well son took all the wires off at one time. Oops dh is cussing up a storm, turns out you should change them one at time to make sure the are in the right firing sequence. DH is good at fixing cars, he was a mechanic in his very younger days.

 

[stover.p]

When we were first married my husband decides to put carpet in our bathroom over the pink tile (we were renting and couldn't re-tile). He buys the carpet but forgets to get a carpet knife. He has the brilliant idea to use a razor blade scraper to cut it. One swipe and I'm searching for a baby sitter to take my hubby to the er for stitches. While there he passes out when the dr is cleaning the cut out! That was over 20 years ago and we still make trips to the er for his "injuries" while doing our remodeling.

During the remodel he's used my best spatula to mix drywall, my good kitchen knives to cut wires and a cake pan for paint. I told him Home Depot sells the stuff he needs and for less money than the stuff he used out of the kitchen!!

 

[maureengill]

My story is an EX-Hubby....but still funny none-the-less.

So we just bought him his 2nd brand new car (the first one that cost more than 10K) and he decided to mow the lawn a couple days later. Instead of moving the car out of the driveway he decided to mow around it. Well don't you know something (it looked like a glove of some sort) was in the grass. He mowed over it and it shot out of the mower and through his driver side rear window. UGH...you'd think after that I'd pay someone to mow my lawn...not so much....still do it myself....

Maureen