Santa Claus Switches to an Electronic Pipe
When Henry Livingston encountered Santa Claus by chance one Christmas Eve, he recorded the event in immortal verse. As he reported, "The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath." The "jolly old elf" has, over the years, been spotted enjoying not only a pipe, but also various brands of cigarettes.
However, this year, thanks to a letter from Professor John Banzhaf of Action on Smoking and Health, Mr. Claus has decided to dampen his pipe forever.
Taking a cue from millions of smokers world-wide, Mr. Claus has gone digital. Instead of lighting
tobacco on fire, he will now be vaporizing a liquid made of propylene glycol, nicotine, and flavor.
Electronic cigarettes, cigars, and pipes are all similar in design: a battery is connected to a heating element - called an atomizer - which vaporizes the liquid component. Some models are automatically activated - either by sound or pressure - when the user inhales, others require the user to manually push a button.
Using his new electronic pipe will have numerous benefits for Mr. Claus. "While I'll still be inhaling soot from all of those chimneys, I will no longer be compounding the problem with the 4000 chemicals found in
tobacco smoke." Mr. Claus said by email. "Mrs. Claus is ecstatic - this is going to cut her laundry detergent and fabric freshener budget tenfold." He added, "When I'm flying
through cold night winds at 3,604 miles per second, it's hard to keep a pipe lit. With the electronic pipe, I have no such worry." He did, however, comment that for those yearly trips he prefers a model with a push-button to cut down on activations due to wind noise.
