Seeking Advice

[McVapor]

I might only be posting this because of a moment of insecurity but I keep wondering about my future. This is probably the most I've opened up especially on the internet but neither of my two friends that know i'm gay are helpful (one is striaght and the other just said 'well you can go out with me'.... which wasn't helpful ><). I hope I don't regret posting this.

Quick Background:
For the longest time I have repressed my homosexuality and tried to convince myself that I'm completely straight. But even as a kid I have had crushes on boys and only until recently (slowly over the last 2 1/2 years) have I found out that my whole life I have been gay. It all makes sense; why I felt different than the other kids, why I did plays instead of sports, had this connection with another boy when I was 14 and in the woods (haha, nothing happened though). But for the longest time I would confuse the feelings I felt for those boys because of such repression of the thought of being gay. It makes me wonder, how do those guys in high-school and even middle-school come out so early? I'm starting my low 20's and I'm just now figuring this out!

Anyways I did considered myself to be bi but it seems as time goes on I have less and less interest in woman. Now this is becoming an issue as my friends want to go to places like the beach and pick up chicks. I find myself not having any interest in them and find myself checking out guys instead. I don't know what my friends would think of me being gay but they are going to catch on soon from my actions. (I can only fake it so much >< )

So that brings me to my main point, being gay how do you find other guys? If your straight you have the option of just going anywhere and throwing a few pickup lines at the opposite sex. But the same can't possibly apply to being gay. I fear being alone for majority of my life because I'm shy & gay and my lack of dating experience because im gay. Oh I'm also a romantic, I broke up with my last (and first) boyfriend because he just wasn't right for me at all. He had a thing for me since freshman year of high-school and I went out with him for what ended up being all the wrong reasons. Similar stories for all my previous girlfriends too.

Thanks for listening

 

[ScottinSoCal]

I don't know that I'm the best person to answer this, considering my age, but.....

I was one of those who came out in high school, but that was about a million years ago, and in Utah. And I came out because I really didn't have a choice. On a dare (from a girl I was dating) I kissed a boy - and suddenly understood what all the fuss was with kissing. Kissing a girl felt like doing algebra homework. Kissing a boy felt like an electric shock, from my head to my toes. He and I dated all through high school - very discretely. The first time I did anything other than making out (and he and I did that everywhere, every chance we got) was after we'd broken up and gone our separate ways. I went to a bar called The Garage in Las Vegas, saw a guy who looked very luscious on the dance floor, and asked if he wanted to dance. One thing led to another, and I spent the night at his place.

So based on my own experience, a bar can be a good place if you're just looking to find someone to go home with. If you're looking for something more, probably not so much. But, honestly, I don't know that you want to go down that road yet - I mean the "more" part. There's a reason most gay men have a wild phase. You've suppressed a big part of you for a long time. You probably haven't given a lot of thought to the kind of man you want, except maybe in fantasies, and no one is going to match your fantasies. You could do worse than dating for a while - shop the market and see what's available. Figure out what you find attractive on the inside of people. When I was younger I only worried about looks, and looks don't last forever. A sense of humor, a sense of kindness and compassion, a quick mind, those are all the kinds of things that last.

All the lessons other people learned growing up, you didn't get a chance to learn. My suggestion would be to give yourself time to learn them, before you try and find Mr. Right. You're young, enjoy it, figure yourself out, then worry about white picket fences and a mortgage.

 

[McVapor]

Heh that made me laugh at a few parts. I completely agree with going out and having fun but from my phase of dating women I do know I am a romantic. My desire to date isn't at all to get serious, but to play the field. (I know I don't know what I want btw). I don't know how to get into the field though. I'm not one of those crazy guys you'll find on craigslist by the way. That's a direction a lot of gay guys go down but that's not my road.

I'm gay for only certain guys (weather it be for personality or looks) but not any guy just because he is gay. If I'm looking for a one-night situation I'd rather get with a girl from a bar than a guy. And believe me, at my age this is easy which is why I seek something more.

Thanks for the advice but I think I have a different situation :\

PS: Oh I'd like to add that I'm a Masculine guy who likes other masculine guys. I like feminine guys alright but not sexually.

 

[ScottinSoCal]

In some ways you have it easier now than those who came before you did. When I was younger, all the gay groups were devoted to any gay person. Now they've specialized. In my area there's a gay professionals group that meets for dinner once a month, and I'll probably go next month. I've been going to a church that has an LGBT lunch after church once a month. There's a gay bowling league. In LA there's a gay classic car group. You're close enough to Tampa that I'd bet there's a lot of the same things where you are, or close to it. In FL, I'm sure there are gay political groups. What are you interested in?

There's a type of guy who is attracted to unsure newbies. In my experience, that isn't the type of guy you want to find yourself with. So look for a group that does things you're interested in and will enjoy - something that will allow you to relax and be yourself.

 

[McVapor]

Ah I'll keep a lookout for an interesting group near me. Hey How's that provari btw? I just recently discovered such a mod and it looks just amazing.

 

[stillalive]

wow, everything you wrote sounds so much like my story! I just came out to myself in January of this year (right before my 22nd birthday) and looking back, I also had a lot of lesbian crushes in middle school and high school. I also have no idea how people come out that young! I've thought I was bi since I was 17 or 18 but I noticed I was less and less interested in men as time went on. When I met my girlfriend, I found that kissing her and holding her and snuggling with her was the stuff they wrote songs about! Whereas physical affection with guys was sort of boring and something I just went through the motions with, I definitely got that tingley electrical feeling from her.

I actually met my girlfriend on OK Cupid, and that's definitely a good place to start. A lot of people knock online dating, but it can be really nice to be able to state your expectations and learn a little bit more about someone before asking them out. Also, over time your gaydar will almost certainly improve, and someday you'll be able to hit on the right men. I'm actually getting more bold with hitting on women, and I think knowing that I don't really want a second girlfriend gives me a little more confidence to flirt comfortably. And most of the time, the women I hit on are bi or les, just also not available. A lot of people have this misconception that flirting is coming up to someone you've never met before and complimenting them or dropping a pick-up line. Unless it's a really awesome pick-up line custom suited to them, that's a bad idea. Good flirting is as much about reading the other person's signals as it is about anything you're saying or doing to them. For example:

Me: Ugh, it looks terrible outside today. I hope this blows over before we close.
New Acquaintance: I know! I just got my hair done. I'm going to cry if it gets messed up.
Me: I'm sure it'll look great either way. Your face is a really pretty shape; you could probably pull off bald and look lovely!
NA: Careful, honey, or I just might leave my girlfriend for you!

Guys are usually even more guarded about being too friendly with a stranger, so if you chat with a guy and immediately get homophobic vibes, it might be good to back off!

 

[ScottinSoCal]

Hey How's that provari btw? I just recently discovered such a mod and it looks just amazing.

If it had been the first thing I bought, it would also have been the last I needed to buy. I love it, and I'm satisfied.

 

[McVapor]

"I found that kissing her and holding her and snuggling with her was the stuff they wrote songs about! Whereas physical affection with guys was sort of boring and something I just went through the motions with"

Right?! That's how I feel about guys . I have actually noticed that about guys, that they tend to not open up so fast to other guys. Although I have met several guys that upon first meet were really nice and open.... which would make flirting with them easier on my part. So I guess its all down to me learning how to talk to cute guys then. (And without getting nervous heh)


ScottinSoCal,
I want the ProVari soooo bad. After looking at many reviews, videos, pictures and everything I want it! but $200 is a lot to dish out....man...