So i found out i got my grandmother smoking again :(

[Mailablemage]

A few months ago i found out my grandfather has terminal brain cancer, my family has been taking turns going up to his house to take care of him.
The last time i went up i was still a smoker, and me and my grandfather were drinking heavily, so i was smoking a lot. Not inside the house but on the porch or down the street.
He recently came down and we were having a few beers and talking about old times, lectures about me vaping abound and general political debates were had (he is extremely left wing and i am in the middle but leaning a little conservative in some views, while we do generally agree on most things. Debates can get quite heated but its all in good fun) when he brought up my grandmother keeping a pack of cigs around again.
I feel so guilty about this, and there is no way ill be able to get her on vaping. She isnt the most agreeable person in the world. Honestly dont know what to do about this.

 

[melissa1928]

Are you sure it's about you and not about your grandfather's impending death? It must be awfully stressful for her to be his caretaker and to know that she'll be a widow soon.

 

[MrKiltYou]

I would agree that most likely her smoking again has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the stress and distress of losing her husband.

 

[Mailablemage]

Actually he is her caretaker. He is still mobile and can function normally, she has been very sick and bed ridden since i can remember. Now its mostly my family that takes care of them. We've been going up to his house for a week or two each for months now. As far as i know she started smoking again a week or so after i left.

 

[distortoblotto]

Melissa hit the nail on the head....Stress.

Try to talk to her about it in an un-offending way.

At some point you have to realize that older folks are going to do what they want to do no matter what anyone says.

Once we all reach a certain age, we earn that right.

Good luck and sorry about your grandfather. Savor every moment you have left together.

 

[melissa1928]

Oh boy. What a mess.

This isn't your fault. It really, truly is not. Ex-smokers can be around smokers without resuming smoking.

My mother resumed smoking when my brother was dying. I guess she needed the crutch. She hid it from us (although of course we all knew anyway). I smoked, as did her husband and her sister, but we didn't make her start smoking again. The tremendous strain did that -- or, for those who are all about accountability, she chose to respond to the strain in that manner. Either way, it wasn't the fault of the other smokers in her life.

You didn't hand her cigarettes, suggest she smoke, or even smoke in her home. You did nothing that anyone could think of as "getting her" smoking again. You just . . . existed. As a smoker. And that's not your fault. You have a right to exist, you know, and it's good of you to visit and help caretake.

*hug*

 

[mare ze dotes]

That is a sad situation. I think just let them be. Does it really matter?

 

[Bolivar]

If she is bedridden, who's supplying the smokes ?

 

[Mailablemage]

Thanks guys. Itll be my turn to go back up in a month or so. I should have a new pv by then so ill bring my vision spinner up with me with some juice and atties and try and get her off the cigs. Shes the most hardheaded person i know though so im not sure what i can do

 

[Mailablemage]

She can get up for short trips to the store, but other than that she pretty much stays jn bed all day. Her new meds have been helping her a lot. Her doctor gave her some sort of steroid as well so shes back at a healthy weight from being skin and bones for years

 

[supermarket]

Thanks guys. Itll be my turn to go back up in a month or so. I should have a new pv by then so ill bring my vision spinner up with me with some juice and atties and try and get her off the cigs. Shes the most hardheaded person i know though so im not sure what i can do

Hard-harded or not, you should at least try

Put aside $50, and buy her a kit, before you even mention it to her. Give the her kit first......and tell her you got her a toy to play with Spend 5 minutes (but not longer) showing her how to use it, and another 5 minutes explaining how much better it would be for her to vape them smoke.

The rest is in her hands...but you *might* just be surprised to find she takes to it!

 

[db13berry]

I am not telling you to encourage her smoking, but if she is bed ridden, why not just let her do what she wants to do? Sometimes we need to consider quality of life. If she enjoys smoking, at this point, let her. As long as shes not at risk of setting herself on fire.
I have worked with a lot of end of life patients. They become bedridden and have no quality of life left. At that point, anything they want to make them happy, I tell them to go for. If would be different if she was still able to go out and do things and live a full life. But since she isnt......

 

[Mailablemage]

She has no immune system and pretty bad emphazima(spellcheck) plus my grandfather has breathing problems as well. I have a child on the way and they both want to meet their first great grand child, this is only killing them faster

 

[db13berry]

Just think about letting her make the choice okay? Sometimes we inflict our own personal wants onto our loved ones. Something that we want or think they want isn't actually what they want. Care giving is hard. Much respect to you for doing it.

 

[melissa1928]

What a terrible situation. Addiction is a real monster to beat, isn't it?

You can offer her a vaporizer. You can let her try yours. You can, at the very least, use yours in front of her so that she can see the clouds and the hand-to-mouth.

You can't make her switch, of course. That's totally up to her.

 

[Mailablemage]

Ill bring her a pv with a screen on it. For being almost 70 she does like her tech. Ill see what i can do

 

[HauntedMyst]

That is a sad situation. I think just let them be. Does it really matter?

I have to agree. While I think it's noble to get younger smokers to switch to vaping, I think pushing vaping on your grandma would be more stress than its worth. If she has gotten old enough to have great grand children and she is as stubborn as you portray, trying to change her behaviour would just cause household stress that neither she or your grandfather need.

 

[Iffy]

Bottom line... one must need to want to quit 'bakky before they will!!!

My hat off to and heart out for ya! Sometimes, ya gotta let go. Please don't blame yourself!

BTW, I'm 67 years young and have seen all too many 'do gooders'...

 

[Rat2chat2]

I am so sorry for your situation but I also feel sorry for your grandmother and can imagine the stress she must be under. I doubt she would want you feeling like you are responsible for her returning to smoking. Maybe you can help her later. If she knows you vape maybe she will ask some questions. You can't force or expect people to agree with you all the time. Especially woman, no matter what age. Good luck to you and your family.