sudden, rather intense depression?

[Mikkie]

is it a withdraw syptom? things are really bad financially right now, i thought quitting smoking would help. it's like, as soon as i make the decision to quit, the s... hits the fan and everything bad that can happen in life starts happening. i had a huge freak-out about 20 minutes ago, and haven't stopped crying. i hate feeling so emotional. i feel worthless, and just downright depressed, like i can fail horribly at everything. the only thing i WONT let myself fail at right now is this. i can't fail at this. i will quit smoking. but this feeling, i've never had it before. i NEVER got anything like this in my life. do you think it's the quitting? or just a bunch of stuff piling up and hitting at once? i know none of you are therapists here,and don't know me or my life story, but i just don't know how to handle this on my own. my family doesn't get it, and in fact are kind of scared after seeing me flip out. 10 minutes to post this, still crying, just not hysterically now. my eyes won't shut off. is there anything similar you have experienced? how did/do you cope? fyi, i have not had an analog since 1/4/10 so i'm in the beginning stages of quitting.

 

[dee5]

Welcome to the forum Mikkie, I am so sorry you are having such a bad day! I have to say I did NOT experience a depression upon starting to vape, but then again, I didn't quit smoking completely either. I honestly can't tell you if there was something in your cigarettes that kept you from feeling depressed before. Consider the facts that 1. It is winter and many people suffer from seasonal affective disorder this time of year. 2. It is post holiday season- affects many people the same way. The let down after all the rushing around and dealing with family and such. Add to those all the everyday crap we have to deal with, the extra special crap we deal with occasionally AND trying to quit smoking at the same time---HARD!! Honey, if you need a cigarette now it's not the end of the world. It might just be too much to handle all at the same time. You can still vape most of the time and get rid of those last cigarettes when things calm down a bit.
You don't say what level nic juice you are using or what kind of kit you have. Perhaps you need a higher level of nicotine in your juice or add some snus to your routine. Some people believe that just replacing the nicotine in cigarettes with vaping isn't enough and that snus will provide some of the extraneous ingredients missing in nic liquid.
Everything in your life happens for a reason, even the crappy stuff. Try to remember that next week, next month or next year, you will look back on this and be able to say "Oh! THATS why that happened!" or even not remember what you were so upset about at all. Live and grow, that's all we can do. You will get through this, you know you will. Now, take a deep breath (or vape!) and relax a little. It'll all work out, you'll see.

 

[eGo Maniac]

Sorry you're feeling this way. Sounds like alot of stuff on your plate besides quitting analogs. Like Dee said, this is a tough time of year. Financial problems hit us where we live, so to speak. Vaping will save you money, just wait and see. If your family doesn't get you, don't stress, talk with folks here. I've rarely run across such a supportive group.

 

[mpkeith]

I'll tell ya, quitting can bring on all sorts of emotions. First off good for you for trying. It took me a few months to quit completely, and has only been a week without an analog for me. So don't look at it as "failure" if you don't quit immediately. I thought it would never work after reading so many posts where people said "all it took was one drag and I dropped analogs forever." However, if you can do that then awesome!!

I can identify with depression without question. Sh** hitting the fan and you quitting smoking are not related. Well, unless you have somebody in your family that works for a big tobacco company and they're ...... When I would go through my "bad days" I found myself sucking down coffee and smoking like a banshee. The stimulants in them allowed me to self medicate. SO perhaps the lower level of nicotine has something to do with it, but then again I am no doctor.

Quitting smoking is much more than nicotine intake. There's a bunch of mental stuff behind it that often we're not aware of. For me smoking was my daily routine...breakfast was coffee and cigarettes. It was dessert after a meal. My smokes were always there for me, they never said no, they never gave up on me. They were a friend and a security blanket. A social outing (gotta go out to smoke), a way to meet people (got a light?), and kept people away (eww nasty smoker). When you have a chance to think about it, I'm willing to bet you had a similar relationship with them. Saying good bye to a friend can be hard. However, you have a new friend who is a heck of a lot nicer.

Hang in there, the bad stuff will pass (it always does) and you'll make it through.

 

[Mikkie]

thanks a lot guys. still sniffy and teary, but vaped hardcore for about 15 minutes, and my mind has at least slowed down. i'm using 18mg liquid, and used to smoke light cigarettes/ppd. my device is turning to crap, but i have a replacement coming hopefully very soon. as long as my last 510 battery stays alive til it gets here, i think i'll be ok. i'm avoiding the urge for an analog, even though i know it won't be the end of the world, but i feel like i owe it to myself to not have one. this is the longest i've ever gone willingly without a cigarette, and up until the big hit of depression, i was feeling fantastic, and so proud of myself. the only plus side to being unemployed is that i can deal with all this stuff privately and not worry that it will affect work. i'm not hiding anything at home, the nic fits, freak outs, and crabbiness are all things i think my daughter should see. hopefully she'll remember it when she is older and not take that first drag when offered. so i'm feeling a bit better that not only am i helping myself, but am hopefully preventing my kids from even thinking of starting. i'm finding that i have to focus really hard on the positive and the more i do, the better i feel. i'm just hoping this was a one-time episode, it scared me and everyone around me that has known me my whole life as a super happy, anything goes girl.

 

[BradSmith]

Sorry really, but hang in there. Cigs have Maos, anti-depressents. A lot of people have a harder time kicking that than the nic. If it really gets to be too much try some snuff or snuss you still get the Moas but not the smoke.

Hang in there and come on this site, there a bunch of people who will do anything they can to help you out.

Peace and Love!!

 

[FreakyStylie]

I'm glad you found ECF. This place is the best. It has a giant support group hidden inside. Everybody here has been through different trials related to smoking. It is really great . . . even when you don't feel great.

Cigarettes have been developed over the years by various forms of mental manipulation in order to sell more product. They have had horrible things done to them to be more addictive to us on so many levels. Imagine a movie with a mad scientist in your head . . . that guy works for Big Tobacco. It will be hard at times, so don't set goals that are too hard for yourself. It took me about a month to quit smoking after starting to vape. My wife still smokes after 3 months. The point of this, in my opinion, is reduced harm. If quitting quickly is harming you mentally or emotionally, you can take a little more time. Just starting down a path is the right move, but you don't have to get to the destination immediately.

Each person has their own way, so enjoy your new journey. And keep visiting here.

 

[Jessara]

Aww hang in there Mikkie - you're doing fine. I've definitely had my own experiences with depression and I know exactly how you feel right now. I didn't get hit with any extra depression/anxiety when I quit analogs (but I'm also on medication for both). I do find myself getting irritable and having a lack of patience at times though.

Just remember we're all here for ya and will help in any way we can. You've done a GREAT job so far of staying off the analogs and that REALLY is something to be very proud of.

 

[LinzCarp]

I know exactly what you are going through and I hope that your feelings of depression pass soon, it is a horrible feeling. I myself have experienced days of intense depression for no reason at all within the first few days of quitting analogs, each time I have attempted to quit in the past. This coupled with irritability and increased anxiety attacks (I already experience anxiety) is what drove me back to smoking analogs to ease these feelings, it felt like I was crawling out of my skin. Once I resumed smoking analogs those intense feelings subsided very quickly for me, it was very frustrating because I have wanted to quit for so long but did not want to deal with the symptoms I was having. This is why I am so grateful for vaping, it has been 7 days today since I started and 100% analog free. I have experienced very little withdrawals except yesterday when I did get hit with a general depressed, blah feeling but it was not too bad and I woke up this morning feeling totally normal again. It sounds like you have a lot going on and I could see, at least from what I have experienced, that stress coupled with a big change like quitting analogs could certainly contribute to how you're feeling but everyone is different and I really hope that things look up for you soon!! Just hang in there!!!

 

[Mikkie]

you're all great. i'm so thankful i found this forum. thank you all for sharing your knowledge/experiences. it's a help when you don't feel so alone in it all. <3

 

[DaveP]

Mikkie, quitting smoking is much more than just throwing them away. Your body goes through some chemical changes that can cause nervousness and depression. Sometimes, it's easier to use the Ecig to drastically cut down and still puff a few analogs a day to lessen the withdrawal symptoms, then taper off.

Check out this link: This is your brain on nicotine

 

[dormouse]

Are you getting a reasonable amount of nicotine for the amount you smoked? (i.e. not too little and not too much?)

What kind of cigarettes did you smoke (full strength? lights?), what nicotine are you using, and are you vaping about as much as you smoked (or less or more?)

Too much nicotine can cause headache, dizziness, rapid heartbeart or general not feel great
Too little can be distressing, stressful, also not feeling great etc

If you get it about right then it may help your mood too. And some people feel separation anxiety from quitting cigarettes. I carried a pack and lighter in my other pocket for 2 weeks (not the pocket they used to be in). Then I moved them to the trunk of the car for hardware emergencies after I felt comfortable enough to walk around without them.

 

[Luvs5rugrats]

I can absolutely relate to what you're going through. Several times in the past, I would stop smoking completely cold-turkey and I would just break down and cry for no reason, which quickly led me to light up because that somehow made things better. It always ended with me saying "why bother quitting at all? Nothing matters anyway, so what's the point?" and I'd grab my pack and light up. Yep, I sure felt better but only because I had starved my brain of all those chemicals it was craving and so used to getting regularly. Even when I quit smoking using a PV, I still had episodes when I couldn't get the right flavor or the right hit and could not find satisfaction at all no matter what I did and I would just get so mad, sad, confused and depressed all at once. After about 3 weeks, that all passed and now any cravings I get, whether physical or psychological, are very short, few and far between and it's only been 3 short months since I started vaping full time. The thing that really did it for me though was when I would get mad or sad and try to light up, I simply could not tolerate a cigarette...not its flavor or smell, so lighting up wasn't an option. I was so determined one day that I was absolutely GOING to smoke that I opened a pack, stomped out side and lit it. I was so disgusted, I couldn't inhale it and promptly threw it away. This made me even MORE mad and depressed. It sounds funny but at the time, I was acting like a spoiled child who couldn't get what she wanted. It is very weird how vaping has made smoking so disgusting to me now, when in the past, after 2+ years on a quit, I could just light up and smoke a whole pack in one night and be a smoker again in the blink of an eye.

I think that no matter how you choose to stop smoking, whether it's cold turkey (especially) or with other forms of nicotine replacement, there's going to be a period of adjustment where your body has to detox all of the other chemicals you were feeding your addicted body on top of the nicotine. I tend to look at any bouts of sadness I had while detoxing as faux depression as I was not really depressed or sad, it was just my brain throwing a tantrum because it wasn't getting fed all the junk I had it hooked on while smoking.

So at this point so early in your journey, don't feel like a failure and realize that it's just your brain acting like a 2 year old because you're starving it of all those chemicals you were feeding it for so long. Use your PV like a pacifier for as long as you need to. I barely set mine down for the first month. I even slept with it in my hand at night. lol

 

[Jessara]

you're all great. i'm so thankful i found this forum. thank you all for sharing your knowledge/experiences. it's a help when you don't feel so alone in it all. <3

You are definitely NOT alone, Mikkie! We're all in this together, and we'll all make it out together!

 

[typocinnamongrl]

Sorry to hear your having a rough time... I've quit numerous times and yeah, been through some serious depression related to that. Upside is you found a great place to vent and get the support you need! Good luck to you, you CAN do it!

 

[LinzCarp]

You are definitely NOT alone, Mikkie! We're all in this together, and we'll all make it out together!

I second that!!!

 

[Matthis1]

Hey Mikki,
I'm sorry you're having such a chitty day. This too, shall pass. Today is my first full day without an analog and it SUCKS

 

[Matthis1]

Mikki, hang in there, because this too, shall pass. Remember that all the junk you've had in your system is working it's way out and some of it is unpleasant. I've battled depression my whole life, so I know how it feels. You are in my prayers and I'm sending good ju-ju your way. Give a hollar if you need a shoulder to lean on!
Peace,
Robyn

 

[Rhapsodies Fire]

Hi Mikkie,
Welcome to the ECF. I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. Yes, it can be a symptom of withdrawls...I know that I had two weeks of withdrawls when I stopped smoking. I had been vaping for 6 months prior, but couldn't let that last analog go for a long time. During that two weeks, I felt exhausted, unstable, short of breath, weepy, nauseated, etc. Those are all symptoms of withdrawls AND depression. There is no telling why it is happening, what triggered it, or how long it will last. Just know that you can handle a lot more than you think can....there are many of us on here who will gladly say "if I can make it, ANYONE can," and we truly mean it. Please remember that this is temporary....this shall pass. Some of the coping techniques I used was: vaping more, drinking more water/tea, taking walks, taking naps, running errands (extra errands), reading, things to keep my hands busy like crocheting, wood burning, bead making, etc. Having things to do or be a part of when I had idle time was important to me as it kept me from dwelling on things that while I had some control over, were't going to change over night (ie financial problems, etc). You will get past this and you will be better for it....and many of us know this because we did it too. I'd hug you if I could! Might not be a bad idea to drink a glass of water, curl up and go to sleep for a couple hours, give yourself some peace. I hope this finds you well and that you keep on vaping.

 

[Odsbodkins]

Mikkie, you've received some good advice here and I agree with the other posters. One thing I would add: when quitting cigs with a nicotine replacement like a personal vaporizer (nic stick I prefer to call them), don't try to limit your nicotine intake. Vape your brains out. Quitting analogs is incredibly dificult and you need to make sure you're getting enough nicotine to get over the psychological hurdle. You can lower your nicotine intake later, when you're happy and comfortable with vapor. Get some high nic liquid in different flavors and really try to just enjoy it. It doesn't matter if you buy some liquid you don't end up using. Just keep vaping!

On a side note: I struggled for most of my life with feelings of failure. It didn't matter to me when I accomplished something successfully because I never gave myself any credit. Even when I got good at something, I'd start to think that maybe I could be great at it, then inevitably I'd hit a wall and think "what a loser I am!" and then I'd just give up, thinking I had failed. It's a trick of the mind, always making you feel like a failure. You probably do things everyday that other people struggle with, but you just take for granted. Give yourself some credit. Compliment yourself. It's what all the happy people do. They walk around all day thinking about how wonderful they are even when all evidence would indicate otherwise. Stick to this. You will be fine.

Good luck!