I sure do hate to burst everyone's bubble like this ... but I have to tell you.
I know every one of you enjoy watching that program on television where these movie stars and television stars and rock ' roll singing people get in the river and doodle for catfish. They show them ducking down into the river and coming up with a big, old catfish in their hands that they supposedly pulled out of a hole in the bank of the river.
Well, they didn't really do it. This program is filmed up around Palestine, Texas and its my grandson and a teenaged friend of his that actually go underwater and catch the catfish. Then they give it to the movie star or whomever and then that person ducks back under the water holding the catfish and then they pop back up yelling and screaming and giggling and making faces and all that for the television camera.
My grandson and his friend are out of school for the summer and came down here to our place to spend a week at the lake houses for the 4th of July week. And, having some new blood to introduce to doodling for catfish, the boys invited my wife to go do it with them. Being the good sport that she is, she agreed to do it.
So they get her out along the banks of the lake and start doodling and found a big, ol' catfish in a hole and told her to duck down and put her hand in the catfish's mouth and pull it out of the hole. Now my wife is a rather large person, probably tapping around 470 pounds (I'd like to get her up to the Feed Store and weigh her, but she refuses to go) and she goes under the water, but I guess she missed the little catfish hole the boys were talking about and instead, found a small cavern.
She reached way back in that cavern and felt a mouth so she stuck her arm in the mouth and started to pull, but suddenly the fish was pulling her and was swallowing her!!!
That poor fish came out of that hole with my wife half in and half out of its mouth and was gagging like crazy!! Have you ever heard a fish gag? It was terrible. It was trying to spit this giant thing out of its mouth that it and acidently swallowed!! It was on top of the water, under the water,
thrashing, gagging, sputtering, coughing and I knew I had to do something at once.
In that I am always fully on alert and ready to jump into action at a moments notice (thanks to my Whatsthatburger training) I unscrewed the cartos from two of my
batteries and holding one on the catfish's head and the other on its tail I pushed the buttons on the
batteries and electrically shocked the catfish and it spat my wife out. Then the boys and I grabbed that catfish and I got a big mouthfull of water and gave the catfish mouth to mouth water prespiration and saved its life.
I was the hero of the lake and everyone got around me in their boats and were blowing their air horns and yelling and swigging beer and cheering. It was wonderful.
So I had to rush home and write all this down so I could tell you about it.
OMG!! I just realized that I left my wife out there floating on the lake!! I'd better run out there and get her or she might get mad.
Be back in a while!!
TT