This and that and Chat

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moorea

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Keeping positive is very tiring sometimes, but it does help. I couldn't help but laugh at your comment about how our PMs would have been LOL! I know you know my mom died from BC, but I have not had the gene test done. In your case, I think it is a great choice, and will help you make really hard decisions.

Just knowing that people care is a huge comfort to us both right now...no words necessary :)

Yes, it is a huge comfort. I hope you are doing well today.

I'm easily accessible to you both (no perv intended) if needed. I hope you both get thru this easily.

Hmmm... I don't know if I believe you when you say "no perv intended" is that even possible for you :p

Moving to Glendale, AZ.

That's a BIG move. I hope it goes smoothly for you!
 

Bovinia

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I can only visit Kev from 6 to 8pm but he's doing good. He was more clear headed tonight than I've seen him in the last 2 years. He seems to be processing a lot of his therapy and says he's ready to get and stay sober. We'll see how it goes. The hospital therapist is doing the paperwork to get him started in an outpatient rehab program where he'll spend half a day every day working on a program and with a therapist, but be able to come home and sleep in his own bed at night.

I'm doing ok, just tired. How about you Moo? I can imagine you must be worn out too.
 

moorea

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Well, it sounds like something good might come out of it if nothing else. You know they say that some people have to hit rock bottom before they can get sober, so maybe this was his turning point. Hang in there and remember his path to sobriety is his cross to bear. You can be supportive and helpful, but don't give to much of yourself. As you know I have dealt with addicts and it is very easy when you see them heading towards the right path to put too much faith in there sobriety and end up disappointed and hurt. An addict does deserve forgiveness however, it is a very long path before they are worthy of it. Part of being on a true path to recovery is understanding the hell they have put everybody else through and truly making amends for their trespasses before being forgiven. In short (oops too late for that) it is time for you to think of you first and foremost, and if he is really planning on staying sober he will respect and expect that! My heart is with as this is never an easy battle. Stay strong.

As for me, I really do feel fine! I left my yearly doctors appointment with a clean bill of health (of course she hadn't seen my mammogram yet) My cholesterol has been a little bit high for a few years now and it was perfect this year. My blood sugar is still under diabetic levels (long story short, after I gave birth to my son I was told I would be diabetic before my late 30's due to my gestational diabetes) but my blood sugar is lower then it has ever been. So other then the cancer, I am healthier then I have been for decades!

It is more of a mental battle at the moment trying to decide which surgery I want to get and staying positive. So I have been tired. Now if I can just convince myself that the dam mastectomy will not be the worst thing to ever happen to a person and make the choice to move forward all would be good in the world. I do not have to make a choice until the genetic test comes back, but my logical self keeps telling my emotional self that is the correct choice so I never have to worry about this again! However my emotional self has an entirely different agenda!
 

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Thanks Fran! The situation REALLY sucks, but I'm OK, they tell me I am not going to die and at the moment that is really all I care about. As long as I have a few more decades to spend with Chris and the kids life is good!

Thank you Tracy! I will keep that in mind. What you have missed is I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 weeks ago. I am in the 1.45% of women my age who get breast cancer. However it was caught very early as there were no signs of it on last years mammogram and is 100% treatable. I am at the moment waiting on a test to see if I have a genetic marker so I can be better informed when I choose my treatment path. Once I know if the test is positive I will be able to choose the proper surgery to make sure it does not return. I feel fine and I am in pretty good spirits all things considered. The worst part will be the surgery and the 7 weeks of radiation 5 days a week (the radiation is not that bad but driving 45 minutes to town and 45 minutes back for a 10 minute treatment everyday doesn't excite me). They say this will be 100% behind within 3 to 4 months, so all things considered and knowing what others have gone through, you can't beat that.
Oh I'm very sorry to hear that Moo. i hope it all works out for you and i'll be praying for you to get well.
 

moorea

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Thanks 5card!

Moo, you are doing the best you can in a very difficult and emotional situation. I can certainly relate to the battle between your logical self and your emotional self!

I am really not an emotional wreck or anything. And lord knows that after 2 children and several decades of gravity whatever the doctors do will be a huge improvement over what I have going on now, so it should really be an easy choice. However, my emotional self keeps putting this vision in my head of waking up after a mastectomy and it is a horrible vision. It isn't even a reasonable one! I see myself waking up with two craters where my breasts used to be in total agony. The reality is, the surgery while not pleasant is by far the worst or most invasive surgery anyone has ever gotten, there will be plenty of pain meds, so the agony is not realistic and the reconstruction will be complete before I wake up! I just can't tell my emotional self to stop sending silly unrealistic visions into my head...
 

Bovinia

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Jen, your emotional fears are very natural and a normal reaction to what you are facing. As women, our boobs are a big part of our identity whether we want to admit it or not. The grief process will be the same as if you are losing a dear friend...because you are. Let yourself feel that grief honey, and then you can celebrate the rebirth and move forward. Don't downplay your fears, those are things you need to talk about to help you get through this, and you know you have many friends here, at NV and in real life to talk to when you are feeling overwhelmed!
 

moorea

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I fully expect grief and emotion afterward. It has been brought to my attention by my husband and best friend today, that if someone says "Jennifer Who" the answer has been since high school "The short girl with big boobs" clearly they have not only been a "friend" but have literally defined me for a very long time. And as I said there is no doubt there will be grief, loss and likely a little depression after surgery, hopefully followed by the welcoming of my new, improved better boobs. I just wish I can stop focusing on things that aren't real, like the fear that this will be the most painful thing that has ever happened to anybody on the face of the earth for example, because it is not. But I can't stop thinking it will be and it makes it hard to make an informed and educated choice!
 

Bovinia

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Went to see hubby again tonight, he's looking better than I've seen him in ages. His color is not as sallow as it was. I on the other hand, must have aged greatly over the past 6 months or so...I'm pretty damn tired of people there asking me if I'm his mother :oops:

He thinks they are going to let him come home Tuesday and then he'll start his outpatient program.
 
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