Virgin Vapor ***CONTEST GIVEAWAY***03

[CountBoredom]

3/13 #2

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting on a bench, watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people enter the house; A while later, they watch three people leave the house.

The physicist says, "The initial measurement wasn’t accurate."

The biologist counters, "They must have reproduced."

Finally, the mathematician suggests, "If one more person enters the house, then it will be empty again."

 

[Qew]

3-13 #1

A man went to Vegas and won a game of craps. He exclaimed, "this is some paradise!"

 

[Ding]

#1

You: “So, dad, I was thinking…”
Dad: “Ohhhhh and I wondered what that high-pitched grinding sound was!”

 

[Ding]

#2

Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble.

 

[Ding]

#3

A judge enters the court room and starts the proceedings, saying: „Before this process starts in earnest, there is one thing I have to clear first. The plaintiff gave me $ 10,000 so I would rule in their favor. The defendant gave me $ 12,000 so I would rule in their favour. To make this case a fair one, I’m hereby returning $ 2,000 to the defendant.“

 

[4lph4num3r1c]

3/13 1

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

 

[4lph4num3r1c]

3/13 2
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

 

[4lph4num3r1c]

3/13 3
Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

 

[Qew]

3-13 #2

A blind man walks into a Wal-Mart guided by his service dog. Standing in the main aisle he lifts the dog up and whips him around in a circle over his head. Shocked, the store manager runs over to the man and says "SIR! SIR! Excuse me, but what are you doing, do you need some help?" The man calmly replies: "No thanks, we're just looking around."

 

[Qew]

3-13 #3

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Broken pencil.
Broken pencil who?
Never mind, it's pointless.

 

[ChristopherZ]

3/13 #1
Q: What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
A: You can't tuna fish!

 

[ChristopherZ]

3/13 #2
Q: What do fish use for money?
A: Sand dollars!

 

[ChristopherZ]

3/13 #3
Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they swim in schools!

 

[CountBoredom]

3/13 #3

Mashed potatoes can be your friend!

 

[DaleH1985]

3/14 #1

Two mice are chewing on a film reel. One mouse says to the other, "I think the book was better."

 

[Redo]

3/14 #1

What did the vaper do after he spilled his last bit of juice?

They got Mod!

 

[Redo]

3/14 #2

Why did the vaper fail math class?

They didn't know "prime" could be a number!

 

[Redo]

3/14 #3

What did the vaper do when his window broke?

He looked for a replacement glass in his vape stash!

 

[4lph4num3r1c]

3/14 1
Don’t trust people who do acupuncture, they’re back stabbers.

 

[4lph4num3r1c]

3/14 2
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.