Why have my farts...

[VaporingQueen]

I couldn't get passed page 7, I'm laughing so hard my eye's are watering and my sides hurt and knowing what I know now our dog must have stole one of my PV's cause her farts are sick today. 3 hours later and I can still smell them, we had to send her outside. and my honey is staring at me wondering if I am okay. but I will finish this read later.

 

[cathysull]

Men laugh about their farts and are proud of them. I think women are totally opposite. It is quite embarressing when a woman farts or as we call it passing gas. I was always told that farting was unlady like. Why can't we fart just like men and get laughs, etc.

A friend once told me that women don't fart, they 'poot.' He changed his mind after hanging around me for a while...

 

[cathysull]

One more comment here...you know you've done yourself proud when you can wake hubby up from a sound sleep with an RCF (Room Clearing Fart) and he asks you 'What crawled up your .... and died?"

 

[arthrog]

I was driving through Bangor the other day and wondered what that smell was! Thought they put up a new paper mill I didn't know about.

Maybe somebody is playing a joke on you and spiking your juice with liquid ....

 

[Chelseafn]

It took me over an hour to read all this. Thanks for making me laugh. been quite awhile since i laughed that hard. Dred you need to get with a friend of mine. You guys could kill each other!

Blake

 

[TWolf]

My son thinks I've lost it I'm laughing so hard! "Really, Mom?... Fart jokes?!?... Really?!?"

 

[planetofthevapes]

Actually, eat some sugar-free anything...it's the malitol in the stuff. Produces farts like crazy. I try to avoid any of the sugar-free products the day before I have to do a presentation. The voice of experience...

ROFL! I used to buy the blue bunny sugar free fudgescicles 'cuz you could have TWO of them for only 90 calories and I was quite the fatty! But, as time went on I realized that every time I ate even just part of one I would get horrible pain in my gut and would start throwing out the worst gas EVER...and if I looked in the mirror, I suddenly looked 9 months prego. Even now, at 120 pounds, if I eat one I look instantly pregnant...oh, I know a good way to get a job now, show up to interviews after eating one. If I don't get the job I can claim it was because I was prego! I'm j/k on that last part. I'm happy as a stay at home mom...

However, for y'alls enjoyment I will share a german poem that my grandfather spent a long time translating and making rhyme all over again in English

There once was a night of Brunsago
Lived in his castle, long ago
With family and friends of class
Surrounded by a lot of gas

One year at Oxburg's tournament they found
Sir Bruns was riding turned around
There, just before the crashing call...
A thundering noise, a heavy fall...
Sir Bruns with his gas's force
Had blown the other off his horse

One year later...

A messenger came screaming loud
"Sir Bruns, Sir Bruns, a war broke out!"
Sir Bruns now rode, and without fear
Opened the gas tank to his rear
He let out of his storage tank
The kind of wind that really stank
That banged and thundered for a day
The enemy just ran away

His people cheered, began to sing
And wanted him to be their king
However, Bruns's end was near
He said, "my farts that saved you up to here"
"may protect you 'til you die"
And after that he let one fly
It was the last one they would hear
Then closed forever his great rear

They buried him with lots of pride
And near the castle where he died
A mighty tree is growing
Through it, the wind still blowing

 

[gb_ibmguy]

Well, this thread is just too good to let it lay there.

I'm gluten intolerant, and as some of you may know, the condition can produce a LOT of nasty side effects. I have gotten it under control by being on a gluten free diet. Prior to being gluten free, I could clear a room or an airport waiting lounge (don't ask) with one small 'release'. Life was good while I was still smoking, no outrageous production of gaseous by-products that a little SBD wouldn't cure.

Then 3 weeks ago I started vaping, and quit the others. Within a week, I was again starting to produce enough gas to fill one of those gas holding tanks that dot the area around the Newark Airport!

I'm now thinking of declaring myself a National Resource!

The exhaust fan in the bathroom has surrendered - I'm looking for a 240v mod for it now.

This chair will need to be recovered - soon!

I'm taking more 'smoke' breaks at work to go outside and do a little vaping and a whole lot of crop dusting of the plants - which are starting to look a little 'peakead'. (I think I've caused an uptick in the sales charts of Marcile Grow in NJ)

Sure hope this 'passes' soon before I mortally wound some one.

GB

 

[vmb]

I know you started this thread in Dec. 2009, but I just found it. Same problem here after 1 month of vaping and it's not getting any better. Has your problem gone away?

 

[slyfox]

I know you started this thread in Dec. 2009, but I just found it. Same problem here after 1 month of vaping and it's not getting any better. Has your problem gone away?

OMG! I'm so glad you found this and brought it out! I have had co-workers walk by and ask me if I was alright. I also would like to know how everyone is doing now and what we have to look forward to.....

 

[vmb]

OMG! I'm so glad you found this and brought it out! I have had co-workers walk by and ask me if I was alright. I also would like to know how everyone is doing now and what we have to look forward to.....

Slyfox...I KNOW!!!! This has been going on for about 2-3 weeks. Trust me, this is NOT about being able to smell things more since quitting the analogs. My hubby and my dog are threatening to leave me. Plus, the odor just hangs there FOREVER. it's simply ghastly.

 

[cypresss]

Best thread ever. Can't believe it went cold for so long. glad it's back and bumping to the top.

 

[Nyxie]

Um Well I don't have any more problems any longer. it took a while but now I have Normal Gas LOL I bust a gut every time I see this thread .

 

[slyfox]

ok, I'll fess-up, I've been on Alli and well you know, so I backed off (I'm at the weight I want to be) and just doing my exercising, but man, I really get very gassy, at first I thought ,well maybe it's the alli still in my system but noooooo...

 

[vmb]

Best thread ever. Can't believe it went cold for so long. glad it's back and bumping to the top.

Tell me about it! I was looking for some answers to this "problem," found this thread and by the time I was done reading, I was laughing so hard I was crying!!!!! BEST THREAD EVER!!!!

I've subscribed to this thread so if I'm ever feeling down in the dumps, I know I'll get a huge laugh!

 

[warbdan]

OMG, I've been crying since the 2nd page. I've got it too, even after a year of vaping. I had assumed it was because I changed my diet to mostly vegetarian, but now I'm not so sure. Seriously though, guys, if you want some brutal farts, eat a few of those Morningstar Farms veggie burgers. I don't know what they put in them... they're delicious, but OMFG, the farts. I crop dust our entire store(Walmart) every day, lol.

 

[thh69]

I really dont think this is because of vaping but more due to quitting analogs.
2 of my friends and my self have all quit smoking in the last couple months and my friend who did the patch then cold turkey is also having serious gaseous issues lol The best way to describe the change in farts is that before we quit, farting was gas but some how now they are a far more intense experience lol

dang its hard to be serious about such a humorous topic lol

So fart on people, its just your body expelling all the toxins it has been storing up the entire time we were smoking. get that crap out( no pun intended) hehe

 

[kanadiankat]

this really is THE best thread ever!

just wait til you buy some strange new eliquid that tastes like those farts... oh my!

 

[Petrodus]

Time for a few fart jokes
George Carlin

 

[warbdan]

That is a classic. Love it.