Why have my farts...
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My grandma, who is 87 years old, calls it "breaking wind," which my kids find hilarious. They say "GGma, why don't you just say fart like everyone else? A fart is a fart." Of course GGma is old school and very religious so "fart" is a curse word to her, but my goodness, I've never been around someone who "breaks wind" so much! She uses a walker and it squeaks so all you hear is squeak, fart, squeak, fart...and she'll say (with a completely shocked look on her face) "Oh my, ohhhhh mmmmmyyyy, excuse me!" Of course I'm able to keep my composure, why I'm a mature woman with 3 young children, but my husband...ohhh no, he says "Wow, GGma, did you have to pay extra to get a walker that can fart!?!"
On a side note, when we're shopping and my husband gives me the "hurry up" look, I know he's been crop-dusting and we need to get out of that aisle with a quickness! LOL
On a side note, when we're shopping and my husband gives me the "hurry up" look, I know he's been crop-dusting and we need to get out of that aisle with a quickness! LOL
My partner calls it "blowing ...." which I have to admit I have been doing that a lot lately. *sigh* I keep telling her that if I am polite and go to the bathroom to do so then I will be in there for 90 % of my day. Lol
Blowing ...., I like it! I can't say that I've been farting more since I've been vaping but I'm a weirdo and I seriously only fart like twice a year. I'm a complete burping machine though...something is wrong with my pipes I guess! My only rule is that no one farts in the kitchen. One of my twins is quite the gassy girl like her daddy, she is 6 and she can fart on command! She and her daddy both try to stay out of the kitchen and if they must go in there, they don't stay long because they'll break my "no farting in the kitchen" rule!
Dawn your posts hand me in the floor! My hubby is like you. He rarely cuts the mustard, so when he does I tell him a squirrel can do better than that teensy little frog croak! If it takes a microphone to hear it, it ain't worth the grunt 
You're probably the type that fluffs the sheets at night.
I was seriously going to say that your going to self combust till I read that your a burp machine. Lol I totally dig the no farting in the kitchen, and then there's the ones in this house that we have the rule for "don't even think about passing arsse anywhere around me" rule. We have that for our 14 year old. She likes to drop "SBD" right next to you and leave you in it. You usually hear a small snicker as she leaves.Dawn your posts hand me in the floor! My hubby is like you. He rarely cuts the mustard, so when he does I tell him a squirrel can do better than that teensy little frog croak! If it takes a microphone to hear it, it ain't worth the grunt
Oh my goodness, now that's the first time I have heard that a man poots like that. That had Kat and I busting a gut! Lol
Boy, oh boy! I've been on fire today. I just got back from taking my daughter to get some school supplies at Walmart. The whole way there I had the window locks on and the heat on high. I had her just about to vomit. They were godawful too, like the ones that burn your nose. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about I gagged myself a time or two. Once we got in the store, we had just passed the automotive's counter when I sounded the .... tuba to the tune of the brown noise! We both picked up the pace and left it there for somebody to walk into, LOL! Good times....
I gagged myself a time or two. Once we got in the store, we had just passed the automotive's counter when I sounded the .... tuba to the tune of the brown noise! We both picked up the pace and left it there for somebody to walk into, LOL! Good times....
Warb, the question is are you training your daughter in the art of .... music?
Shell I know! Hubby has got to be the first man I've known like this. Even my famous southern cooking doesn't inspire him LOL
Shell I know! Hubby has got to be the first man I've known like this. Even my famous southern cooking doesn't inspire him LOL
Bovinia: Wanna trade hubbies for a while? I could use some fresh air! Of course you'd have to take one of my twins with you, since she's about as bad as her daddy! I never knew such awful smells could come out of a tiny 6 y/o girl! LOL
Warb, its gotta be bad if you're gagging yourself! haha Your poor daughter! I've always wondered who decided to put window locks on the driver's side of vehicles so no one else can control their own window...I've decided it was a really gassy man who loved to torture his passengers!
LOL Dawn, our place is small so I'm afraid my wind is about all it can handle!
I smell great wisdom and have obtained a strong whiff of brilliance in the air surrounding this thread! LOL!
I thank you all for your educational...and aromatic....contributions.8-o8-o8-o8-o
I ALWAYS learn so much here at ECF!!!!
Now, can someone PLEASE open the windows? (...and don't lite a match!!!)
I thank you all for your educational...and aromatic....contributions.8-o8-o8-o8-o
I ALWAYS learn so much here at ECF!!!!
Now, can someone PLEASE open the windows? (...and don't lite a match!!!)
well I guess you have to vape a while and let it stew because I suddenly ramped them up. My wife walked in the tv room and stopped, looked at me wide eye and rubbed her fingers together... "oily" she said in a shocked voice.
"Oily," thats the worst!!! This is off topic a lil but one of my dogs, huge French Mastiff (Turner and Hooch dog), got into an big vat of oil that we used to fry our turkey in for Thanksgiving. It had a lid that was duct taped on, but he somehow got in there and ate a bunch of oil. Of course we didn't know this until one morning when I awoke to the most awful stench. I went to find out what it was and realized Sarge had pooped in his kennel, which is in the laundry room of the house. Although he is 100 pounds, he's still a puppy and can't be trusted outside of his kennel overnight. So, I open the laundry room door and there's poop everywhere, I mean this dog has shot crap across the laundry room, its on the washer and dryer, all over the floor, splatters on the wall, disgusting! I literally had to argue with myself over whether I would close the door to the laundry room forever and just use the laundromat in town or clean it...I was leaning towards closing the door forever, but that wasn't logical, so I armed myself with the cleaning supplies, long rubber gloves, and entered the laundry room. As soon as I stepped foot in there I slipped and fell into all the crap. I was wallering around on the floor struggling to get up out of this crap. Why was this so slippery? It literally took me over an hour to clean JUST the floor, not the washer, dryer, walls, kennel...just the floor. Even after the floor was "clean" there was an oily film that I could not get off the floor, I was still slipping and sliding. I eventually got everything cleaned up and still didn't know why his poop was so oily until later when I went to the backyard to hose down the kennel and realized the oil vat had been breeched! Haha Ewww story of the day, wallering around in oily dog crap!
Dawn I'm laughing so hard, but I really do sympathize! Been there...you just have to grit your teeth, pinch your nose and dig in! Poor baby, I bet Sarge couldn't figure out why his .... was betraying him in such a way LOL
Bovinia, I know! What's worse is that the poor doggie had to sit in that for who knows how long until I woke up and smelled it...he could have been sitting in it with that awful stench for up to 6 hours!! Plus dogs can smell a lot better than we can, ewwwww! Poor, poor Sarge!! He's the dog in my profile pic or avatar or whatever it is. You can look at him and imagine how bad his farts stink!! LOL
You make me laugh so hard I'm crying! And I see you've been a member since 2009, sooooooo the farts aren't going to go away, Are They? Time to get some Beano!
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