Wow...I hate to be a drama queen but

[Pandora]

Today I woke up feeling pretty good, for the first time since coming down with my cold on Monday. I stayed in bed as long as possible anyway just for the hell of it. When I got up, my bf was watching football. I could smell cigarette smoke in the air and it kinda burned my nose but it was tolerable. A few minutes later, he lit up another cigarette and it burned my nose, clogged my sinuses and set off a coughing fit. It took me 3 tissues to clear my nose out again and it still isn't as clear as when I woke up. I also now have a slight headache!! I know my cold isn't over all the way yet but I really thought I was doing well this morning til he lit that cigarette up! OMG! And the smoke just HANGS AROUND! I keep having mini coughing fits and nose blowing and I'm not trying to be dramatic...I haven't even mentioned it's from the cigarette smoke but he's already starting to look at me like, "are you serious?" I'm a little surprised that he still won't try vaping. I hope this doesn't become a point of contention with us because we already have enough tension with our finances being screwed the way they are. If I don't have a job by the end of the month, I'll be moving in with my mom because I have no way to pay rent. He pays so much child support that they take 2/3 of his check and he can't afford to live here by himself so he will have to move back home too. He is living in some fantasy land denial world where he thinks somehow this won't happen. He's been killing himself picking up overtime but all that's going to happen is the court will take even more child support just like they do every time he works overtime and if he makes, say, an extra $300, he'll only get $100 of it. Oooh, I'm starting to vent and that's going to make me cop a big attitude with him so I'm going to stop!

 

[Lisaf01]

I recommend you trade him in for a newer model

 

[SudokuGal]

Take a slow, deep breath.

 

[Brian1976]

I think ur bf should respect you and ur choice to stop smokiing those nasty analogs and maybe go outside if he needs one, people who know im not smoking anymore do that for me if they smoke they go in another part of the house or outside.... Im sorry to hear about all the money issues that really sucks.... Things have a strange way of working themselves out in the end just be strong and always remember things could be worse i know it doesn't seem that way but things can always be worse.. now turn that frawn upside down and smile.... Shows you how

 

[Richie G]

I recommend you trade him in for a newer model

One with a VERY small trunk, so that it fits less luggage?

 

[Brian1976]

One with a VERY small trunk, so that it fits less luggage?

i agree something thats reliable, you always know where it is and it never talks back and always leaves you with a smile lol

 

[kathy11515]

I can totally relate on all counts...good luck.

 

[AngusATAT]

Take a slow, deep breath.

Preferably outside, where there is no smoke.

 

[vt100]

I'm guessing he's a little behind on his child support? Unless you live in a state that automatically increases child support and has very unfair levels to begin with...They don't take more than the amount that was awarded unless the ex goes back to court and requests more. However, they will keep taking more if he is behind in his payments and/or has a judgement against him to collect the arrears.

 

[Pandora]

I'm guessing he's a little behind on his child support? Unless you live in a state that automatically increases child support and has very unfair levels to begin with...They don't take more than the amount that was awarded unless the ex goes back to court and requests more. However, they will keep taking more if he is behind in his payments and/or has a judgement against him to collect the arrears.

Yes, we live in a state with unfair child support laws (Michigan) and yes, he is behind. He has had times where he was out of work and couldn't pay, which put him behind. Michigan's answer was not to lower it while he was out of work, but to put him in jail, stopping him from finding work for even longer. Now the economy in Michigan is so bad that 1 out of 4 people are out of work. He has a job but only makes around $9/hour. Michigan's answer to his ex losing her job was to raise his child support, even though she has blocked visitation with his kids since he left her. His back pay is equal to his current pay and he pays over $1000/month to child support so that she can afford to support her household. They don't give a crap if he can support his own household or not. He's been petitioning the courts for the last 2 years and their response has been to raise his child support each time he comes to court to fight for his own rights...I guess in an effort to get him to stop causing trouble. Before you ask, he does have a visitation order but that doesn't stop her from denying or manipulating his visitation based on whether or not he gives her cash from his pocket in addition to the raping/garnishing of his paycheck. When she does that, he files a police report and takes her to court and the court tells her, "tsk tsk, you're not supposed to do that." Her response is that she needs more money and they say, "oh you poor thing, here ya go!" Not surprising that she got fired from her state job for trying to scam the system for a friend of hers and they STILL granted her unemployment compensation! Ironic that they also raised his child support around the same time, saying that he had to help her pay for daycare.....daycare for what? SHE DOESN'T WORK! When she did work, her parents watched the kids for free for like 2 hours after they got out of school.

One of the reasons I'm pushing for us to move back home with our parents for awhile is so that he can take the money he does have and pay an attorney to represent him. In theory, if you research the laws and fill out the paperwork correctly, you shouldn't need a lawyer but Michigan's courts are two faced. They smile and nod at him when he's there and tell him he's right but his child support always ends up being higher by the time the official paperwork comes in the mail. That, and I'm stunned that my mom offered to let me stay with her for free...I'm sure there's a catch there somewhere because she's never offered to do anything for me for free, even when I was a kid. But I think her ulterior motive is that she's lonely and I can deal with giving her some company for awhile if she's actually willing to help me get back on my feet. We will see.

 

[LoBo]

gotta love the system

 

[krisxdemeanor]

I would just mooove out of michigan - he can't see his kids anyway. What is keeping you in michigan, youre unemployed and he is making 9 bucks an hour. Get out.

 

[Pandora]

I would just mooove out of michigan - he can't see his kids anyway. What is keeping you in michigan, youre unemployed and he is making 9 bucks an hour. Get out.

I hear ya. I have the same mentality but he doesn't want to leave his kids. He'd rather keep fighting than give up on them. There's more to it than that though. Their mom's boyfriend, whom she has one baby with and one on the way, is an abusive drug addict/alcoholic. When my bf finally won visitation rights, he promised his kids that he wouldn't abandon them (at my urging). It remains to be seen if he and I stay together though. I love him dearly but I'm not in a position to be dragged down by his crazy baby mama or to support him financially. It's hard for me to leave him when I was the one who convinced him not to give up and to keep fighting for his kids. I didn't understand how horribly it would affect our lives. I didn't believe him when he told me how *****ed up she is. I just thought to myself that everyone says that about their ex and he was making excuses. It sucks to be proven wrong.

I had a chance to get him to leave Michigan with me when he was unemployed, but at the time I didn't have a desire to do so because I had a great job and an idealistic vision of him gaining visitation and us all being a big happy family. There was a few years around the middle of our 9 year relationship where he had basically just given up. He had grown weary of trying to get through to her and the courts. But I pushed him forward - even giving him the ultimatum that I wouldn't be able to be with a man who abandoned his kids.

The joke was on me because once his kids started coming around they hated me for the fact that in their minds, and in their mother's mind, I am the only thing standing in the way of their parents being together. His daughter hesitantly accepts me but his son actively tries to get rid of me. He acts like a little monster when I am around. He even goes around telling people that his dad says he is going to dump me and buy a house where they can all be together without me. For some reason, his mom believed him when he said this to her. They've filed false protective services reports against me and my bf. Thankfully the protective services workers could see the truth, unlike the courts.

It's hard to blame the kids when the only experience they have with a step-parent is a scary, abusive one. The last time their mom kicked her bf out was right when their dad got visitation rights and she told them if their dad wasn't with me, she'd just get back with him and that would stop the mean step-parent from coming around even though he's their little sister's dad. He didn't know this at the time and when he heard the stories about her bf, he told them that he would never abandon them and would do what he could to make sure that guy didn't hurt them again. To them, especially his son, the easiest solution to that was for his dad to get back with his mom. When that didn't happen, their mom used that as the reason for allowing the devil to come back into their lives and she ended up getting pregnant by him again. It's just easier for the kids to blame me for all that. They don't realize that I'm the reason they have their dad in their lives at all.

Anyway, it seems as though financial circumstances are going to separate us either way. I'm just going to go with the flow for a little while and if no job or income materializes for me, I will probably move out of Michigan with or without him. I may even take up an offer from some friends who live in the UK and move to England. I just love him too much to outright walk out on him and leave the state in one step. Living separately for awhile will either strengthen our love or destroy it. Only time will tell. There's no way I can tolerate living with my mom for too extended of a period. I love her but she's not the warmest, most loving person in the world. That's for sure. I have to make a move to change my circumstances as soon as I am able. I'll figure it out. I'm giving myself a year to do so.

 

[src97]

sometimes you need to do whats best for you and only you! and yeah analogs are very irritating to the sinuses. its a wonder we dont notice when we are burning a pack a day!

 

[Pandora]

I'm wondering - does the nose sensitivity thing go away? Because it's not just cigarette smoke. My daughter sprayed on some perfume and I thought she had emptied the whole bottle up my nose! LOL! I couldn't wait for her to leave so I could breathe comfortably again. I told her she didn't have to drench herself in it to smell good and she looked at me like I was crazy and said she only put 2 squirts on!

 

[Moonflame]

I think the smell thing gets a little better. My son uses Axe spray and I thought I'd throw up when I first smelled it, but it's gotten better. Maybe we just notice it so much because we're used to not being able to smell anything and our noses have to adjust to being "normal".

 

[Rhetoric Camel]

I seem to be the only one that isn't bothered by other smokers, my girlfriend smokes and it doesn't bother me, my friends at work that I sit with on breaks all smoke and it doesn't bother me.

 

[vt100]

Michigan is another father unfriendly state. If he has no visitation and no input into the raising of his children he should not be required to pay child support! I don't think Michigan is alone in treating people without lawyers badly, an unfortunate result of almost all judges having been lawyers (not to mention most politicians). I agree with you, he has to have a lawyer, many family courts do reduce support for periods of unemployment. Plus he will be able to negotiate the arrears to a reasonable amount and payment that doesn't impoverish him! AND he can get his visitation back!!!!!!!

 

[Pandora]

Michigan is another father unfriendly state. If he has no visitation and no input into the raising of his children he should not be required to pay child support! I don't think Michigan is alone in treating people without lawyers badly, an unfortunate result of almost all judges having been lawyers (not to mention most politicians). I agree with you, he has to have a lawyer, many family courts do reduce support for periods of unemployment. Plus he will be able to negotiate the arrears to a reasonable amount and payment that doesn't impoverish him! AND he can get his visitation back!!!!!!!

Totally. His last check was gross $980 or so and net $243. It's immoral and unconstitutional. He has limited visitation now but without a lawyer, we had to fight tooth and nail and jump through countless hoops just to get that. When she violates the order, he gets a police report so he'll have some ammunition for the lawyer to use better than we could. We researched the laws so much, we can quote them by heart. When he quotes the law to the court in his hearings, they act like he never spoke. Their response is to either ignore him or say something along the lines of "Yeah, but..." I think the extent of research and do it yourself court filings and procedures that he has gone through here might have had a much greater result (but maybe not) in another state but here in Michigan, it's hire an attorney or continue taking it up the you know what.

We just sat down again today and discussed it all. He's warming up to the idea of moving in with relatives for a period of time so we can accomplish what needs to be accomplished. But he still wants to try to find a way to prevent the necessity of moving because he feels guilty. Today, he kept apologizing over and over again, saying that we wouldn't be going through this if he didn't have all these child support problems. Our rent is only $600/month. I don't blame him because he has done everything humanly possible without an attorney in an effort to keep costs down. Now it's time for us to just bite the bullet and sacrifice so that we can have a better future. If I move in with my mom for awhile, I can sell avon or something for the money I need to buy my medical treatments I have been going without, get healthy again (thank God for vaping!) and start saving so we have a cushion. He can hire an attorney, re-claim his constitutional rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness and maybe even start saving for the cushion we will need.

He told me today that he would give vaping a try after he realized that I haven't picked up an analog in days and he saw me blow a big vapor cloud out. At first I wasn't able to produce that much vapor and he hadn't taken much notice of how cool my PV is. Things are looking up!

 

[Pandora]

I seem to be the only one that isn't bothered by other smokers, my girlfriend smokes and it doesn't bother me, my friends at work that I sit with on breaks all smoke and it doesn't bother me.

Yeah, I was like that when I was a non-smoker. I didn't start smoking until I was 26 . I am hoping the sensitivity will pass for me because I don't want to be one of those non-smokers who are always ....ing about the smokers around me. Most of my friends are smokers and when I'm working, I find a lot gets accomplished on smoke break in regards to office politics lol. Actually, that's how I started smoking - I always joined in on the smoke breaks at work and true to smoker etiquette, I was always offered one. I used to be like oh, one won't get me addicted, but after awhile that's exactly what happened. A smoker friend of mine came over the other day and was very interested in my PV. He said he'd wait until I got some more flavors to try and to see if I was still sticking with it in a few weeks before he got one of his own but after trying it, he wants one of his own I can tell. I'm hoping to spread vaping the way smoking was spread to me .