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A Smile for you

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Fudgey

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When my wife and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'


:facepalm::lol:
 

Fudgey

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One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.

Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water! She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and

then asked, How much do I owe you?"

You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness."

He said ... "Then I thank you from my heart."

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Many years later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.

Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.

Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.

Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.

He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won.

Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge, and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words ...

"Paid in full with one glass of milk"

(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.

Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands."

There's a saying which goes something like this:

Bread cast on the water comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is all about?
 

Fudgey

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I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

:ohmy::laugh:

The reason women over 50 don't have babies is because we would put them down and forget where we put them.

What happens if you confuse your Valium with your birth control pills?
You have 12 kids, but you don't really care.

:lol::lol:
 

Poeia

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Three old Jewish men die and appear in front of the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter is there and he explains to them that, as they are Jewish, they don't belong there. They belong in the heaven down the road. They argue with him — they're dead and this is heaven, therefore they belong here.

Finally he says he will quiz them. If they get the question right, they can stay. If not, they will go down the road without further argument.

Saint Peter to the first man: What is Easter?
First Man: That's when you make turkey and yams and all the family comes for dinner.
Saint Peter: No. That's Thanksgiving. I was right — you belong down the road.

Saint Peter to the second man: What is Easter?
Second Man: That's when a man in a red suit puts presents under the tree.
Saint Peter: No. That's Christmas. I was right — you belong down the road.

Saint Peter to the third man: What is Easter?
Third Man: That's when they nailed Jesus to a cross until he died. And they buried him in a cave. [Saint Peter begins to nod.] After three days, he walks out of the cave.
Saint Peter: Yes, yes…
Third Man: And if he sees his shadow he goes back in.
 
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Fudgey

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