Afraid to tell my Dad?

[lelly]

I am off to Edmonton/Jasper next weekend to visit my family. My sister and I have always been closet smokers and it has put a big strain on my relationship with my dad, he probably knows we smoked all these years (almost disowned us as teens for doing it) but we always did our best to hide it. Looking back now I am pretty sure that a spritz of perfume and a stick of gum wasn't fooling anyone.

Now I can finally hug my dad without worrying if I smell or not. But I am still on the fence as to whether or not to tell him about vaping. He had 0 tolerance for analogs but maybe it will make him happy to hear that I have found a healthier alternative? I am worried that if I tell him he will see it as basically the same thing as smoking and ruin what little is left of our relationship. Should I just let my lack of stank speak for itself and just let him think that I have quit smoking? Either way I won't vape around him, but luckily it is way easier to hide!!

 

[Carless]

Should I just let my lack of stank speak for itself and just let him think that I have quit smoking?

Sounds like a good plan to me. Never volunteer more information than people ask for if you aren't sure they will embrace your choices.

 

[lelly]

I would love to have a more open relationship with him, but he is very quiet and serious and VERY hard to talk to, so I know this choice would be easiest for me!

 

[Carless]

As you get older and he begins to see you more as an adult, it should get easier to talk to him then. Just respect him and expect him to respect you as well. You are making better decisions already, so it will come.
Good luck.

 

[ianhyphen]

I was afraid to hear what my grandma was going to say... She actually brought it up to me, though (her ex-smoker friend). Grandma hated me smoking. She was really proud that I had converted and impressed that I had made my mod myself. I was so surprised by her acceptance.

If, like you say, the relationship is hanging by a thread, less info is always more .

However, knowing that you're taking positive, healthful steps, is probably something a father wants to know. Especially since your health, I'm assuming, was a main reason for being angry. Name off some ecig studies if he's into that. I find that when people hear me say propylene glycol, they have no further objections... I think it's just the big scientist word effect.

Heck, wait for the right time. Maybe, he'll bring it up.

2 cents doesn't buy anything these days, though. That's just mine.

 

[lelly]

As you get older and he begins to see you more as an adult, it should get easier to talk to him then. Just respect him and expect him to respect you as well. You are making better decisions already, so it will come.
Good luck.

Hahaha, I know, I sound like a kid, lol. I am 28 and have 2 kids, if he doesn't see me as an adult yet, he never will!

 

[Carless]

Well..... he's gonna treat you the way you allow him to, then won't he?
You'll get there...

 

[Kams Cats]

That's a tough one. I know what it's like to have a strained relationship like that. My father who never smoked, has an attitude about smoking which has kept us at an arms length. Well that and a few other things. I showed him my PV and he was very unimpressed. So I just dropped it.

I think the casual approach would work best. If he sees you with it and asks, explain it. If he doesn't ask I wouldn't tell.

 

[cactusgirl]

I wouldn't even bring it up. If he sees you with it and asks, tell him, but don't feel that you need to defend it...just be matter of fact.

 

[rolandpibb]

I wouldn't even bring it up. If he sees you with it and asks, tell him, but don't feel that you need to defend it...just be matter of fact.

That would be my approach. Good luck.

To quote George Jefferson; A guest is a guest, but a relative is a pest.

 

[kanadiankat]

Hahaha, I know, I sound like a kid, lol. I am 28 and have 2 kids, if he doesn't see me as an adult yet, he never will!

...yup! Fathers tend to see their daughters as adults only AFTER they get to that age where they need you to drive them to doctor's appointments and pick up their meds at the pharmacy... lol. That's dads and daughters in a nutshell!

Seriously though - if there is a strain and it's making you uncomfortable around him - might be a good idea just to open the subject. Wait until he's in his own comfort zone (alone with you or whatever) and tell him that YOU feel there is a strain on the relationship and you want to see if it's something you've done. If he tells you that he objects to you smoking - just open up and let him know what's going on with you switching to a PV.

I have a sometimes strained relationship with my mom - so I measure her mood and play things by ear when I want to discuss something. It doesn't always go well - but the subject can easily be dropped and even smoothed over.

Every man is different, but, in general, Dad's like to know that their baby girls still need their advice and approval. You know your own dad better than anyone - so if he fits the generalization - he might really appreciate you opening up to him (and maybe even apologizing or explaining why you closet smoked - cause yeah - the gum and perfume didn't work!).

Hope you have a great visit.

 

[NoizMaker]

In your shoes I would be nervous as well, but just consider that you have managed to quit now! WHat a miletone Sure you still have the nicotine addiction but you aren't harming yourself in the process Hopefully he will see the difference and be understanding. My parents have never been happier that I managed to quit the death sticks and are supportive of me taking my time this go around with my nicotine addiction.

I wish you all the luck!

 

[wood]

I was afraid to hear what my grandma was going to say... She actually brought it up to me, though (her ex-smoker friend). Grandma hated me smoking. She was really proud that I had converted and impressed that I had made my mod myself. I was so surprised by her acceptance.

If, like you say, the relationship is hanging by a thread, less info is always more .

However, knowing that you're taking positive, healthful steps, is probably something a father wants to know. Especially since your health, I'm assuming, was a main reason for being angry. Name off some ecig studies if he's into that. I find that when people hear me say propylene glycol, they have no further objections... I think it's just the big scientist word effect.

Heck, wait for the right time. Maybe, he'll bring it up.

2 cents doesn't buy anything these days, though. That's just mine.

they probably think your insane from smoking glycol and want to get as far away from u as possible lol glycerine is ok though but ud never catch me smoking antifreeze (glycol)

 

[rolandpibb]

they probably think your insane from smoking glycol and want to get as far away from u as possible lol glycerine is ok though but ud never catch me smoking antifreeze (glycol)

I'd rather not go back to inhaling 4999 other burnt chemicals.

I was a little nervous reading about Propylene Glycol, but after reading all about toxicity etc. For me, I think the benefits to deterrents are about 10-1

 

[wood]

glycol is antifreeze its called glycerine i was joking cause they called it glycol if u smoked glycol ud be dead

 

[wood]

o my bad i looked it up we do smoke propelene glycol lol i thought it was glycerine cause just glycol would be antifreeze

 

[Toby]

...and VERY hard to talk to, so I know this choice would be easiest for me!

I agree; it would make an interesting conversation point.. what you got to lose?

 

[rolandpibb]

o my bad i looked it up we do smoke propelene glycol lol i thought it was glycerine cause just glycol would be antifreeze

Yeah, kind of freaked me out too. Propylene glycol is non-toxic and does have some benefits.

 

[sherid]

I am worried that if I tell him he will see it as basically the same thing as smoking and ruin what little is left of our relationship. Should I just let my lack of stank speak for itself and just let him think that I have quit smoking? Either way I won't vape around him, but luckily it is way easier to hide!!

Since I lived the exact same experience as you, I know what I would do. People like your parents and mine would never embrace anything that looks like smoking. They are the original anti-smokers.

 

[Codex Gigas]

I'd frame it as an intermediary step between being a smoker and being a non-smoker. My parents were very against smoking, but we had so many problems that when we did finally get back on the same page, they decided to tolerate the fact that I smoke - a long as I didn't do it in their house. They seem to find my PV amusing, but appreciate the fact that I've drastically reduced my chances of getting cancer and don't smell like an ashtray anymore. I wouldn't say that they exactly approve of it, but they got it when I said "I'm glad that I quit smoking since smoking is so bad for you, now I can at least address the fact that I'm addicted to nicotine and work on that without having to totally stress myself out."

I was a little surprised though: I have a similar relationship with my dad that you have with yours, and since I'm a guy, there's a little bit more history in the way of friction - I left home very shortly after I started "swinging back" on my dad, just to give you an idea, but while I was visiting, I was digging around in his office, looking for a paper-clip and ran across a printout: he'd visited one of the overpriced cig-alike sites and printed out their page on the benefits of switching to e-cigs.

You never know, you know?