CONTEST - The VOLT by SmokelessImage.com
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An e-mail I wrote to my wife from work. A bit of background; I work in a really small town at a really small company and 97% of these people have been drinking toxic farm chemicals for their entire lives. I do not deal with logic and common sense at this place. Deb is a lady across the hall from me.
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Deb is selling bricks painted up as bunnies with a cotton ball glued to it for 10 bucks. Her friend makes them.
Ill say that again. Maybe a bit slower to give it some sink time.
Deb is ..selling .bricks ..painted .up .as bunny ..rabbits for 10 bucks. Bricks painted up as bunny rabbits. For 10 bucks. A cotton ball is glued to it so you cannot tell it is a brick. Well, other than it is obviously a f'cking brick with a cotton ball glued to it.
Ok, ok, weird right? I mean who the f'ck would buy a brick slapped with some white paint, a couple of eyes, and a cotton ball and really enjoy their purchase. For 10 bucks no less. What the f'ck would you do with a brick painted up as a bunny rabbit? Is this a conversation center piece for your next dinner party?
Thank you for inviting us over for dinner.
Oh, thank you for coming over. Ive been so lonely ever since they had to shoot my chimpanzee for killing my other friends.
<they sit at the dining room table>
Oh, is .is .that a a is that a brick painted up as a bunny rabbit? I mean, its a rabbit right? Or not?
Oh why yes it is. Isnt it adorable? I just love heavy rectangular things and when I saw one painted as a bunny rabbit I just couldnt pass it up.
Oh and they even glued a cotton ball to it. Well that certainly seals the deal that its a rabbit, huh?
Yes.
No arms, no legs?
Nope.
Oh they fell off huh?
No.
The ears fell off? Right? The ears I mean .rabbits have long ears.
No. Thats the way Robert was when I bought him.
Im sorry, did you just call your brick Robert?
Ok, ok, some people are paying 10 bucks to have a brick painted as a bunny rabbit. But how the f'ck does someone decide to show their friends they are painting bricks as bunny rabbits and THEN figure they can sell em for 10 bucks??
Im going to stop there (sort of) and let you think about that for a second.
You are looking at a brick and decide it is a perfect shape for a bunny rabbit.
You paint the brick white and add some eyes.
You then decide if only it had a tail it would be perfect. No, no ears, no legs, no arms. Just missing the tail to complete the cover up.
Ok.
Now you are sitting a table, presumably, or maybe naked curled up in a ball in a dark corner somewhere, either way you are looking at your masterpiece and something tells you to show this to someone else. And by something tells you I mean you have given in to the talking caterpillars walking on your ceiling.
Ok.
Go show your friends your rabbit brick.
Then ask them to give you 10 bucks for one.
No, no, not those friends .the real ones.
Let me know what they say k?
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Deb is selling bricks painted up as bunnies with a cotton ball glued to it for 10 bucks. Her friend makes them.
Ill say that again. Maybe a bit slower to give it some sink time.
Deb is ..selling .bricks ..painted .up .as bunny ..rabbits for 10 bucks. Bricks painted up as bunny rabbits. For 10 bucks. A cotton ball is glued to it so you cannot tell it is a brick. Well, other than it is obviously a f'cking brick with a cotton ball glued to it.
Ok, ok, weird right? I mean who the f'ck would buy a brick slapped with some white paint, a couple of eyes, and a cotton ball and really enjoy their purchase. For 10 bucks no less. What the f'ck would you do with a brick painted up as a bunny rabbit? Is this a conversation center piece for your next dinner party?
Thank you for inviting us over for dinner.
Oh, thank you for coming over. Ive been so lonely ever since they had to shoot my chimpanzee for killing my other friends.
<they sit at the dining room table>
Oh, is .is .that a a is that a brick painted up as a bunny rabbit? I mean, its a rabbit right? Or not?
Oh why yes it is. Isnt it adorable? I just love heavy rectangular things and when I saw one painted as a bunny rabbit I just couldnt pass it up.
Oh and they even glued a cotton ball to it. Well that certainly seals the deal that its a rabbit, huh?
Yes.
No arms, no legs?
Nope.
Oh they fell off huh?
No.
The ears fell off? Right? The ears I mean .rabbits have long ears.
No. Thats the way Robert was when I bought him.
Im sorry, did you just call your brick Robert?
Ok, ok, some people are paying 10 bucks to have a brick painted as a bunny rabbit. But how the f'ck does someone decide to show their friends they are painting bricks as bunny rabbits and THEN figure they can sell em for 10 bucks??
Im going to stop there (sort of) and let you think about that for a second.
You are looking at a brick and decide it is a perfect shape for a bunny rabbit.
You paint the brick white and add some eyes.
You then decide if only it had a tail it would be perfect. No, no ears, no legs, no arms. Just missing the tail to complete the cover up.
Ok.
Now you are sitting a table, presumably, or maybe naked curled up in a ball in a dark corner somewhere, either way you are looking at your masterpiece and something tells you to show this to someone else. And by something tells you I mean you have given in to the talking caterpillars walking on your ceiling.
Ok.
Go show your friends your rabbit brick.
Then ask them to give you 10 bucks for one.
No, no, not those friends .the real ones.
Let me know what they say k?
In my home I now can vape,
on my standard 808,
White with a button and filled carts galore,
Dealing with customer service has become a bore.
They took my money, shipping was slow,
This last time I literally told them to blow.
Looking for a new place to supply my needs,
SmokelessImage does all the deeds.
I hope my simple prose to you wont revolt,
Because I'd love to win a brand new Volt!
Smile!!
on my standard 808,
White with a button and filled carts galore,
Dealing with customer service has become a bore.
They took my money, shipping was slow,
This last time I literally told them to blow.
Looking for a new place to supply my needs,
SmokelessImage does all the deeds.
I hope my simple prose to you wont revolt,
Because I'd love to win a brand new Volt!
Smile!!
Here ya go- Just copy the address in the url bar up top, then when posting, you can see a little picture that looks like a tiny film strip - click on it and paste the address in there. Voila, you tube in a forum.
Many thanks!! I appreciate it
I can't be held responible for damage caused to monitors by drinking while reading.
Damn You Auto Correct! - Funny iPhone Fails and Autocorrect Horror Stories
I can't read more than 10 pages at a time beacuse it's just TFF to me~!
Damn You Auto Correct! - Funny iPhone Fails and Autocorrect Horror Stories
I can't read more than 10 pages at a time beacuse it's just TFF to me~!
First and foremost no prejudice here ok? ok. Okay here goes:
There was this little southern belle in Georgia. Now, I'm talkin' real southern belle....rich southern daddy and the whole nine yards, who's never been out of the state of Georgia in her whole life. She takes a trip to New York City, (oh boy), She comes back and is having tea with all her little southern belle friends and says: "Do ya' know that in NYC there are men who kiss men and they call them gay." And all her friends say " No way!!!" And she says: " Do ya' know that in NYC there are women who kiss women and they call them lesbians." And all her friends say "Get out!!!" And she says:" And did you know that in NYC there are actually men who will kiss a womans' private parts?" And one of her friends pops up and says: " Well what do you call them?" And she says: " Well, after I caught my breath, I called him precious!!!"
There was this little southern belle in Georgia. Now, I'm talkin' real southern belle....rich southern daddy and the whole nine yards, who's never been out of the state of Georgia in her whole life. She takes a trip to New York City, (oh boy), She comes back and is having tea with all her little southern belle friends and says: "Do ya' know that in NYC there are men who kiss men and they call them gay." And all her friends say " No way!!!" And she says: " Do ya' know that in NYC there are women who kiss women and they call them lesbians." And all her friends say "Get out!!!" And she says:" And did you know that in NYC there are actually men who will kiss a womans' private parts?" And one of her friends pops up and says: " Well what do you call them?" And she says: " Well, after I caught my breath, I called him precious!!!"
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
Two women, both grew up together and both went to different finishing schools, were eating lunch and comparing thier lives.
First woman "My husband buys me all the jewelery I want, I met him thru finishing school"
Second woman "How nice!"
First woman "I learned how to run a household worth millions of dollars and a full staff in finishing school."
Second woman "How nice"
First woman "I am a sucessful beautiful poised woman because of my finishing school"
Second woman "How nice!"
First woman "And what did you learn at YOUR finishing school?"
Second woman "How to say How Nice instead of F##K You!"
First woman "My husband buys me all the jewelery I want, I met him thru finishing school"
Second woman "How nice!"
First woman "I learned how to run a household worth millions of dollars and a full staff in finishing school."
Second woman "How nice"
First woman "I am a sucessful beautiful poised woman because of my finishing school"
Second woman "How nice!"
First woman "And what did you learn at YOUR finishing school?"
Second woman "How to say How Nice instead of F##K You!"
A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Hey, how come I don't ;have a Like button on my joke? Do I need to adjust something in my settings?
This is my extremely lame joke which will, if nothing else, get the post count to 300 quicker...
A state trooper pulls a car over for speeding. He motions for the driver to roll down his window and says "Son, I've been waiting for you all day"! The young man replied "Well, I got here as fast as I could officer"...
A state trooper pulls a car over for speeding. He motions for the driver to roll down his window and says "Son, I've been waiting for you all day"! The young man replied "Well, I got here as fast as I could officer"...
Not SoClean Joke of the Day
Q: What do you get the guy who has everything?
A: Penicillin!!
Q: What do you get the guy who has everything?
A: Penicillin!!
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