CONTEST! Win a beautiful Sagewood Glass drip tip!

[misterkai]

Hi fellow vapers! Here's an opportunity to win this beautiful and unique hand blown glass drip tip by Sagewood Glass!

Here are the contest rules:

- As always, we want to laugh and be entertained, so each entry must contain a short joke or funny story! Considering that mother's day is coming up soon, all jokes will of course be required to be mama oriented! Remember to keep it appropriate for the ECF...

- There is a one entry limit per person.

- The contest will end on Saturday, May 4 at 11:59pm PST, and the winning post number will be picked using random.org


Thanks so much for participating, and please remember to visit our website to view all of our items currently available for purchase!

 

[RippleInStillWater]

MEETING THE IRISH MOTHER

A young Irish lad takes the girl he loves to meet his family.

The matriarch of the family asks the girlfriend, "So, tell me, lass, what is your occupation?"

The girl hesitantly says, "Well, Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a prostitute."

Immediately, the lad's mother faints. After regaining consciousness, she asks again, "Forgive me, dearie. I don't think I heard you correctly. What is your occupation?"

Again the girl says, "Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a prostitute."

The mother laughs, "Oh my, dearie, for a moment there I thought you said you were a Protestant!"

Hey, I'm a quarter Irish, I'm allowed!!!

 

[440BB]

A mother was driving her daughter to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asked, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you're not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."

"OK," the little girl said. Then a few moments later, she asked, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother said, "that's a personal question and really none of your business."

"OK," the little girl said. Then a few moments later, she asked, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That's enough questions, young lady!" the mother said. "Honestly!"

The mother and daughter arrived at the play date, and the mother left the two children alone.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl said to her friend.

"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card -- it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl said to her mother, "I know how old you are. You are 32."

Surprised, the mother asked, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 130 pounds," said the little girl.

The mother is now shocked. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?" she said.

Then the little girl said triumphantly, "And I know why you and daddy got a divorce!"

"Oh, really?" the mother said. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

 

[StevesCVO]

Yo mama's so fat that a $700 billion bailout would only keep her fed for a week

Thanks for the contest

 

[spacekitty]

The Great Things Mom Taught Me!

1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."

2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don't talk back to me!"

4. My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

7. My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

8. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

9. My Mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You're just like your father."

10. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

11. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And last but not least...

12. My Mother taught me about JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you....Then you'll see what it's like!"


R.I.P. Mom... I Miss You!!

 

[Extraunordinary]

 

[mkreed0821]

So a horse walks into the bar and the bartender says "What's with the long face"?

Thanks for the game!!

 

[FreshSafari]

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said "One at a time please"

Thanks for the chance!

 

[vsummer1]

I've been told that when you meet "Mr. Right" you know right away. How come when you meet the wrong guy, it takes a year and a half?


THANKS for the opportunity.

 

[Faylool]

My mom and I were eating out fancyrestaraunt and both ordered seafood ciappino. It has all different stuff in it. Were eweing and awing tasting things and she has this mussle shell with something in it. Oh, what did you get? Ai didnt get one. Can i taste? Shes saying i dont know, and putting another blob in her mouth mushing it around and says it tastes different and smiles ready to give give me a taste and im just dying. Her teeth are covered with black stuff and she doesnt know it know it and im coming realize somethings not right. I tell her I think its mud mom! Well she just doesnt get it and takes some more and tells me its pretty good mud then. Well. It really was mud. We both laughed so hard and well...you had to be there. She poo pooed the idea they should buy our meal. Said it was worth the fun. I know, wont win. I loved having an opportunity to share that. She was such a free spirit sometimes! Love you Mom!

 

[TheBergMan]

Yo mama so ugly that not even goldfish crackers smile back.

Thanks for the contest

 

[Uncle]

One of the best female comedians ever "Erma Bombeck" said . . .

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.


. . . No truer words were ever spoken


AND - For just good measure . . .

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

 

[Dragonlore]

My friend said that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut in his face.

 

[double_aa_ron]

Yo mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.

 

[Leroy Brown]

Sent from my vapor using Tapatalk 2

 

[dolphins35]

You Know You've Finally Turned Into a Mom When...

You automatically double-knot everything you tie.
You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!

You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!


Thank you Sagewood Glass for the chance

 

[bugale29]

Your mother is so stingy that that in her vomits she serves teeth to keep(guard) big end
Your mere is so big that when she(it) clout whale put themselves in circle in the entour and sing " we family are "
Your mother is so stupid that when she takes her shower, she takes her parapluit!!!
Your mother is so stupid that when we gave him(her) a form there or he wrote there " not to answer the question " she put OK!
Your mother is so poor that when we break a cobweb she says: but which(who) opened curtains.
Your mother she(it) stinks so much that your father préfére to sleep in crappers.
Your mother is so dry that even crab louses are obliged to have a walk with a gourd(clot).

 

[zapped]

Heres one of my favorite Halloween jokes.

Why dont Witches wear panties?


Helps em stick to the broomstick

 

[ManuDawg]

That is a very nice lookin' drip tip! Thanks for the chance to win it.

When I was a boy my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.

 

[B2L]

True story here. My Moms memory is so good... How good is it??? It's so good she can remember things that never even happened!

Another true one while we are at it, my Mom is such a bad cook she uses the smoke alarm as an oven timer. My Dad always calls her Shirley Burns( not her real name) because she surely burns everything she cooks.

Thanks for the chance at a beautiful piece of glass art, what a great contest idea.