"Dad Jokes"

[DavidOck]

A man walks into a bar, and it's empty - it's just him and the bartender. He sits down and orders a drink.

He hears someone whisper, "Pssst...I like your tie."
The man looks around but doesn't see anyone.

"Pssst...that color looks nice on you."

He asks the bartender, "Excuse me, but...are you speaking to me?"

The bartender rolls his eyes and says, "No, sorry about that. It's the peanuts... they're complimentary."

 

[bobsyeruncle]

I invented a new word today: plagiarism!

 

[DavidOck]

I got a job at a paperless office.

Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.

 

[bobsyeruncle]

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere!

 

[classwife]

It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you're not a dad.



It's a faux pa.

 

[bobsyeruncle]

 

[DavidOck]

No matter how much you push the envelope,...

... it's still stationery.

 

[bobsyeruncle]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick!

 

[DavidOck]

After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table.

I needed a running start, but I made it.

 

[bobsyeruncle]

I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection.

She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns!

 

[bobsyeruncle]

 

[somdcomputerguy]

Never doing it again though. They ask way to many questions.

 

[bobsyeruncle]

 

[DavidOck]

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife...

 

[bobsyeruncle]

 

[MLEJ]

What do aardvarks like on their pizza?

ANTchovies

 

[bobsyeruncle]

 

[somdcomputerguy]

Me: Do you have any books on turtles?

 

[bobsyeruncle]

 

[bobsyeruncle]